i really like this story so far and i cant wait to finish it really good job...oh and one line had me lmao haha "Was she trying to send me moris code? i didnt know" hahahahaha that was so funny!

yeisha's an interesting name.

OMG! I absolutely loved this story!(And normally I don't like stories with OC characters). I really like how you wrote all the characters in this story. Also how you still incorporated the war and Harry and Hermione into it. I also really like the name you used - Yeshia. Awesome job, I think that you should do an epilogue (if you haven't already), keep writing

~M.G.

aw! that was such a cute story! i wanted to read it all before i sent in a review. congrats! i generally hate stories with an OC who ends up with the boy she wants, but this one was really different, and really good, because she was so...unperfect, if that makes any sense. but yeah, great story, i'm going to go check out what other stuff you've written!

Ok. So, I know you finished this story several months ago and are over it and this is late. And normally I would just move on and leave it alone, especially since its...you know, finished and just a fanfic and who am I to say anything, Miss I-abandon-stories-after-ten-minutes-never-finishes so how can I judge anyone elses writing? But, the thing is I liked your story a lot, it was so well written, and I think you might possibly pursue a career as a writer (what with obvious talent) and so maybe you would appreciate an honest critique. So I'm going to tell you what I think, because I care. And also because I'm avoiding a research paper. So. Here it is:

Story-wise:

I didn't love this ending. The way that Yeisha reacted to the thought of seeing Charlie again after all those years didn't seem believable to me. Well, maybe not unbelievable, but more sort of frustrating. The thing that really bugged me was Charlie's reaction to Stan, Stan the Pizza Man. Jealous? Sure. Hurt? Yeah. Mortified? Absolutely. But he acted like they were a couple, like Yeisha had cheated on him. And the clincher for me was when he called her dirty at his mother's breakfast table. I stopped liking him. Because that was messed up. And it didn't matter to me that he apologized and they kissed and made up, because all I could think was wow, Charlie is a tool.

Structure-wise:

Ok, here is where I think the biggest problem is. I feel like you achieved the end of your original story when Charlie kissed Yeisha the first time. Maybe a little more wrap up, but add that and its a total and complete story arc. Conflict resolved. Adding a new conflict started a new story arc, and I think it should have been written as a seperate piece. Not the death thing, but the aftermath and everything.

Conclusions:

Very possibly this is all a ploy to get you to write more with Yeisha as your main character...and I know your probably totally done with writing this, but if I were an editor (which I'm not) and you asked my opinion (which you didn't...shut up Sammy) I would tell you to cut off the last nine chapters, end the story with Yeisha moving to Bulgaria and a promise of love and we'll be together forever from Charlie, and then pick up the story in a sequel, preferably starting with Yeisha's time at Durmstrang. This would also provide a chance to show how/why Yeisha was willing to give up magic, what her life was like without it, does she ever accidently use it, who were her friends, how did she develop. I think, still do time jumps, but show a little more of her progression. Anyway, I hope this wasn't totally pompous and annoying. I wouldn't have written it if I didn't have total respect for you as an author and personal love for this story. Thank you and Goodnight.

wah! OMG this is the first HP fanfix i wrote! ah! and it wuz soo good! ahaha..soo sweet! and the romance between these two! to die for . ahaha...but yeh harry luv recommended this fanfix to mee and i'm soo grateful to her! but this wuz a FAB fabfix and i luved the comedy in it! and it wuz romance too..aw..luv romance stories! keep upz the good work!

I really liked this story, which is odd because I don't like het stories! hee hee hee!

Awesome, awesome, awesome. I'm so happy with the way the story turned out, but so sad that it's over. But now I get to add it to my C2 which is cool. Kudos(I hate this word, why am I using it?) to you. Please write something else. Please.

OMG LOVE IT! THATS WAS THE BEST STORY!

Such a nice ending!

And the girl with bushy hair was Hermione , isn't it?

well, great story!

that was god(: i thought they were going to end up in the bath tub though like before haha. great job!

just felt like being helpful (picky!)...just some spelling errors:

"Then there is Percy, the ten year old who sat on a quill, which got stock up his arse"

should be stuck

"For seven years old, they can run the house a muck.I always bring presents or tips for making jokes and pranks, which would be a bribe for not taken me as a victim"

amok? taking?

"When we were younger Tanner assure me I hadn’t missed anything,"

should be assured

actually theres quite a lot of things, but i can't be arsed and it's a little pointless as luckily it doesn't detract from the story!

i loved that story! if you don't write an epilogue, then i might be forced to take serious action just kidding but still please give all you loving reviewers an epilogue

AH! it's... over! that's depressing... *asks nicely* can you pretty please with sugar on top do an apilogue?

aight, even if you don't i loved the story!

-ashley

'Apparently, to calm a Weasley down, all one needs to do is play tonsil hockey with said Weasley.'

i might be robbing this for future reference. i am willing to be sued for such genius!

YAY!FINAL CHAPTERS! THEY ARE THE BEST THING SINCE ELECTRICITY. I'M SO HAPPY! you make me happy. feel proud damn it!