Muy interesante, nunca imagine esta pareja, pero las parejas improbables son tan emocionantes!

I wish to have seen them as parents! but other than that i love this story! i wish there was more.

wow i love it the pairing is so special and i love special couple and the couple in the end cool ( i have think about it that you making them a couple too) your story was very excitingly and romantical i love it thank you for writing it i have it really enyoid

It is horrible. You're a loser with a lame life for writing this. your chapters are too long and too boring. Read and review my story "The date with Nabiki?" so you can see what a real writer can do. If you're smart enough and can find my story that is.

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Epilogue

What your doing

[you’re]

like a lose firearm.

[Usually it’s ‘loose cannon’]

“The security cameras”

[Missing closing period]

there with the love of her life,

[I can’t think of times when Shampoo and Ranma were at Tofu’s at the same time]

“Not if shampoo

[Capitalize her name, it’s a proper noun]

run run fast,

[I know she speaks pidgin, but the double verb doesn’t seem necessary when the adverb is there]

He went to China for his peace of mind yet he never expected to be in that scene at that moment.

[Wow, that’s bad grammar. Rephrase definitely needed]

but then again, he remembered that he must not complain.

[How would this not be a bad thing? He’s going to be banned from ever returning to China (at best), running period makes him look really bad]

a fugitive and now a hijacker?

[Um, no, running from the police would turn him from a fugitive to a fugitive. Hijacking refers to stealing some vehicle, which he doesn’t do]

barely saving them from getting chopped off as he hoisted himself up over the ledge.

[If he’s in the water, that would be too far to reach the lowest railing. The distance would be at least 2 meters]

Cats were supposed to be more agile than humans

[Not in the water, they’re equally encumbered]

Four claws were still quite inferior to two hands

[Although since her getting out would rely entirely on him, it wouldn’t matter much if she had two claws or twenty]

It would

[They]

she transforms back

[transformed]

Cats and water never come together.

[Dunno, I’ve seen a cat that typified the ‘aquaphobia’, but I’ve also had a cat that loved water and swam very well]

shampoo seemed

[Capitalization: Shampoo]

she thought as she fought the shivers that were starting to creep up her tail.

[Why wouldn’t she just shake the majority of the water off? I know it wouldn’t get it all off, but you’re describing Shampoo as being waterlogged like she’d just walked out of the water (which, strangely, the series never indicates happening). Cats seem to instinctively clean/dry themselves off, I would even think that she’d do so before spotting Tofu]

And not too far away were two people, walking together, yet completely clueless as to what was about to unfold before them.

[Uh…okay. That was random. The fact that this verbal report doesn’t seem to match the narrative doesn’t help.]

Another issue with the Joketsuzoku suddenly getting involved: the description of a ferry implies to me that the characters are on the east coast of China. The amazons live in the Bayankala Mountains, either in the Qinhai or Xianjiang province (either way by the western edge) of China, that’s about a thousand kilometers from Japan, and them somehow drifting over hundreds of kilometers inland and hundreds of meters up in elevation is not going to happen.

Mousse blindly yet successfully got the bottle

[Wow, descriptive and riveting narrative /sarcasm]

“It’s a curing agent, not a cure for my curse!”

[It was funny when _Cologne_, who never _really_ said it was a cure for his curse, did a stunt like this in Tama Saga’s “Another Amazon Approach”. However, Shampoo’s mastery of Japanese is significantly lower, hence forcing her to speak more directly and negating this possible avenue]

Shampoo angrily got a table

[What, did a table kindly materialize out of pure anger? Or did she _pick up a table_?]

The metallic stands hit Mousse over and over again

[Which says that the table itself, instead of Shampoo, hits Mousse. Besides being unclear in ‘metallic stands’, which I still can’t figure out. There are tables in the Neko Hanten/Cat Café, but they’re all wood most of the time]

rain’s about to fall

[And yet you (in)conveniently don’t mention that until right now. You need more scene description]

Chapter 1

It probably has some sort of disease.”

[And yet it’s sitting among a bunch of other ducks. If it was sitting in an empty bin to the side then I could understand (though health regulations would still realistically require that it be thrown out before any customers ever saw it)]

Chapter 2

that did not deserve to get tired or perform poorly.

[They don’t dislike him just on principle, Cologne dislikes him because he’s insolent and makes foolish mistakes, Shampoo dislikes him because he’s suffocatingly clingy and ignores her desires. They don’t actually yell or smack until after he does something to provoke it…though Ranma being a comedy they then sometimes go overboard after he’s given provocation]

Are they planning to wash him with boiling water until his feathers come off…

[I know that some machines do this in poultry processing plants, but many do not and typically you pluck a foul before you can even wash it]

“Hey Onee-chan are you in….”

[Unnecessary Japanese]

“BAKA!

[Unnecessary Japanese]

“NO. I think we should keep him here for a while.

[I could see them forgetting to tell Cologne where Mousse is, but once the point’s been brought up it would be irresponsible of them (in a culture that places high value on filial loyalty) not to tell his ‘nearest family’ where and in what condition he’s in]

Ranma and Genma didn’t have anything against it,

[OOC: Ranma would not trust Mousse. ‘Once bitten, twice shy’]

“I say we let him stay in the guest room.”

[There are actually several guest rooms – need I point out where the Saotomes stay? Or Happosai?]

It’s already too small for Ranma and me…”

[Unless Genma’s fishing for excuses, this doesn’t hold up]

“He can stay in my room!” Akane said, her “kindness” taking over.

[OOC: she doesn’t even trust Ranma, much less an outsider like Mousse. Whether she forgave Mousse for kidnapping her more than once, she still wouldn’t be eager to take him in]

“He can stay in my room,”

[Definitely OOC – she doesn’t like being interrupted]

Didn’t Genma and Ranma live on the dojo…?

[No. They didn't live _in_ it either, they lived in a guest room in the Tendo home, as would many dojo students (please not the high occupancy design of the Tendo furo)]

Interesting. Chapter 3 lead-up to the fourth one was nice, and the bonding here was good. Still... too much japanese words... they killed the pace for me. It's like this, the characters are supposed to be speaking japanese already, so writing some text in that language is not really something that makes a lot of sense. The Chinese words I can deal with, since Kasumi can't speak that language.

Anyway, I'll keep reading to see what else happens.

Hello.

Chapter 2 shows an improvement in format from the previous, where the prologue was not too separated from the disclaimer and the title and it confused me a bit as it seemed all meshed together. I noticed a few typos here and there, so I would advice you not to rush in future works; other than that, I like your narrative style, it is consistent all the chapter which is nice for the reader.

About the story, I like how you made it so Mousse can stay with the Tendos, and I enjoy the way you write Kasumi, paying attention to her maternal side. Overall, this is good.

I'll leave you more comments in future chapters. Bye.

Hi.

Interesting first chapter. Really, it is, I'm interested in the things the plot will bring later, and since it's finished I won't have to bother you for updates.

But.. you forgot to add the title here in chapter one. I mean you worte the disclaimer and then you just started with the story... kind of lacks a title or something to separate disclaimer and text. Hope you can look into it.

Thanks for your time.

Shampoo and DR. Tofu. I didn't see that coming. But it fits, somehow. The ending was really funy, by the way, and pretty creative too. The idea of Shampo coming home to that is just himarious! )

sincerely, nihongneko

Aww, this was a romantic chapter. I'm reaslly happy for those two. And the bit with the festival lanters was really nice. I'm so flattered that you mentioned me (and all the other reviewers) in here too (and you even spelled my name right!). I can't exactly recall how you wrote in the beginning, but I like how you write now. Keep up the good work. )

sincerely, nihongoneko

I feel really bad for Dr. Tofu, but at the same time I can't help but feel really happy for Mousse and Kasumi. I loved the song. I think that the translation was really good (though I don't speak mandarin, so I really don't know. but the english sounded really nice, so I really don't care). And I like how it's tied to the title. Very creative. Did you have that planned all along? I LOVED the story, all of it, and I'm glad it had a happy ending. I don't mind the fact that you've been slow, as long as you kept writing. And don't worry. You were definitely important enough to take up some of my e-mail space. It was a pleasure, really.

That was really deep. And I can't help but feel sorry for both of them. Human emotions are always a burden when they're like that.

sincerely, nihongoneko

Beautiful story. I adore Mousse and always thought he needed someone better than Shampoo for him. The Chinese names were a nice touch.

Brilliant. I never some this pairing coming, but this fic was just great. Good pacing, few grammatical errors, and yes, I was able to follow Chp 15 with all the scene switching and stuff. The epilogue was also fun. Going back through the story again in my head, I can actually see this pairing happening. No one was really OOC, and the friendship between Mousse and Tofu was refreshing to see. Not many people use Tofu in fics anymore, and I was afraid that I was the last one to use him. Glad to see that I'm wrong. Great job. I'm going to check out your other stories, now. Remember, it doesn't matter how long the updates come, as long as the story is done well and you finish it, like you did here.

(B-D)