The fuck is this? HARRY IS WBWL I UNDERSTAND THAT BUT WTF IS REALLY THIS STORY ABOUT. 1ST HE IS RAPED. 2ND HE CLAIMS ALL THE FAMILY AND THEIR MONEY TO BE HIS. 3RD HE SOMEHOW GETS A POWERFUL CHAMBER WHERE TIMES IS SLOWER. 4TH WHAT THE FLYING FUCK IS FALLEN AND ALL THIS SHIT. 5TH OKAY AFTER GOING THROUGH ALL THOSE SHIT STILL I READ IT AND WHAT THE HELL IS THAT ABOUT DRACO GIVING HARRY WARNING BUT HE STILL GETTING CAUGHT LIKE AN IDIOT AND WTF IF HE IS ACTUALLY POWERFUL BEAT THE SHIT OUT OF EVERYONE AND GO TO FIND HERMIONE. NO HE SITS THERE LIKE AN IDIOT AND WTF IS THE TWIST WITH LILY POTTER BEING EVIL. AND WTF DARKNESS. I JUST HOPE AND PRAY THAT THERE IS A SPECIAL PLACE FOR RETARDED FUCKERS LIKE YOU IN HELL WHERE THEY TORTURE AND HEAL AND REPEAT IT TILL ALL ETERNITY AND YOU'LL FEEL EVEN MORE PAIN AS THE TIMES GOES ON AND THINK WHY YOU WROTE THIS BLASPHEMY. YOU FUCKING SACK OF SHIT. I WISH YOUR FATHER HAD JUST MASTURBATED INSTEAD OF HAVING SEX THE DAY YOU WERE CONCEIVED. FUCK YOU AND YOUR RETARDED READERS WHO UNDERSTOOD A FLYING FUCK.

as.

Please update your story soon!

Yeah f**k off with this garbage.

Do you even have a plot line planned out? I had hopes from the title and the name, but with every word you wrote, they died agonizing, cliche, grammatically incorrect deaths. I don't even know how you sleep at night, knowing you wrote something so embarrassingly awful AND posted it for all to see. I feel dumber for having read this far. I can only hope it's intentionally this horribly written because, if not, you require remedial English lessons. If you're not a native English speaker, that's absolutely no excuse. Because, then, you know your Englishwriting is bad, for a fact, and didn't have anyone editproofreaddelete your shit brain vomit. Take some pride in your art, put some fucking effort into it, else, don't post it and not expect criticism.

So, the second son just takes over the family? What?

SOME OF YOU REVIEWERS ARE JERKS F$$$ OFF

His Name is Seamus Finnigan

i agree with the boys my mother raised me right

I LOVE IT! ADD MORE PLEASE!

You are a sick freak if this is what you enjoy writing

im cunfuzzeled was... was harry raped by those men? WHAT? IDEK!

I feel like the story progresses to fast in one chapter. There is no back story and no true feelings. Yes Harry hates his father but he doesn't truly act wronged or angry. His brother hates him but why?

So, I know this might sound rude, or obnoxious, or maybe even ignorant, but you seriously need to work on your spelling. I know you claimed "grammatically challenged", but that is no excuse for such terrible spelling. There's also the tenses in which words are written; one moment you're writing past tense and then the next sentence you start writing in present tense. Another thing would the way the backstory, and just the plot and characters in general, are. The way Harry reacts to being raped by a bunch of men (which is also an unlikely occurrence) is completely illogical; I know you're trying to show that James abused him and all, but the way the scene plays out and the aftermath is awkward at best. I know that if my parents neglected me and then had a bunch of people rape me; I wouldn't just willingly give them all my money (I was questioning why Harry would just go to the diamond place[?] and practically hand his money over to James and Adam). Let's get into Adam (that's not an innuendo[p.s. for future reference: it's only an innuendo if no one points out that it is]). It gets a little confusing with the whole: "Oh, Adam is a spoiled, obnoxious, ignorant, idiotic brat" for the first few chapters, and then suddenly we're supposed to sympathise with him, and then it's back to hating him, and back and forth over and over again. I'm sorry for the long spiel, and the worst part is that it's not over yet. Harry; the god-like "fallen angel" with powers that are only good when the author feels he should be strong; that's a cliche so many authors fall for, and not even just in Harry Potter fanfiction. There are so many cliches just concerning Harry himself that I surprised myself by getting this far and not telling you. Let me list them:
1.) Read about three sentences back.
2.) Harry is the boy-who-lived, but his sibling(s) get credit for defeating Voldemort. This isn't a bad cliche, it's just something that's become so trite that people sometimes hate this premise. I, for one, love this premise. Your problem with this was labelling this story as a Wrong-Boy-Who-Lived story, and not telling the readers whether or not Harry is actually the boy-who-lived.
3.) Harry comes into a lot of money; like more than triple the amount it costs to build a mansion on Long Island, NY, and then multiply that amount by twenty. It's a very basic trope, used in so many stories that it's just expected. If you want your story to stand out in the archives; don't make Harry a god; do something different, and I know that's hard; considering the fact that most of the alternative routes have been used, but you have to try, and if you don't succeed, then just make sure it's the best goddamn version of the trope the Internet has seen. If you can't do that... Just try your hardest and expect the hate.
4.) Harry going to Slytherin. It's pretty much canon; I know. The way you did it was the problem as well though. Harry being a loner doesn't excuse the blatant ignorance of description. Does he get bullied? Is he an early riser or a late sleeper? How does he interact with his housemates? Questions will burn your story faster than any flames. The only thing you describe is what Harry and/or some other characters look like. I would go on, but I'm getting off topic.
5.) The rest aren't as pressing or trite as the previous, so I'll let you find the rest. I know it's pretty much impossible to write a fanfiction without cliches, but when you do; you have to make sure it comes out; it's hard to find the perfect word, but good is the best I can come up with.
With the list done, there's just one more thing I have to rant about, and I'm probably going to offend you if I hadn't already. There is no such thing as "grammatically challenged". You just didn't pay attention in English class, and decided to go see Tumblr for an excuse. I'm dyslexic and I can still type and write correctly. It's not even that hard to learn grammar or even just use it properly. I'm sorry, but I got one more thing to say; don't keep using the same words repetitively. Use synonyms, or even the definition. I'm not saying you do this, but it's some advice. Don't rape a thesaurus for more interesting and/or bigger words. Again; not saying you do this; just a warning. Also can be taken as a joke, maybe even an inside joke if you look up Stephanie Meyer on Urban Dictionary. So... That's all I have to say. Sorry if I offended you, I'm pretty sure you won't read this, and lemonparty. GOODNIGHT FOLKS! 3

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