MORE!

WHERE WHERE WHERE IS THE REST OF THIS AMAZING STORY IT DOESNT EVEN HAVE PILIKA IN IT SO YOU HAD BETTER RIGHT MORE!111

I love this. Honestly. It's so unique and I wanna read more. Will you update soon? :)

And I rejoiced to see one more Filipino making great work on FF.N. :D

HELLO! Ive been waiting for the next chapter so PLEASE!IM not really harsh but its just that its so...never mind!please!when will you do the next chap.?

omg i NEED to see where this is going. Please update BEFORE i go insane!

I really like this story! Its actuelly rather funny! Could u continue it?

I liked it so far; it was interesting and funny, which is something that a good fic needs. But you wanted reviews... not necessarily praises, so time to do my job.

It's been a while since I read a fic and I giggled when I read the Author's Note. Why is this? Some authors have a knack for pointing out their mistakes and might have to explain a few things to the reader about the structure of the story with the required information; ex: that the story takes place in an AU is required information while, "CHANGING POVs" is not.

When you write a story you have to make sure that the reader will understand it without having to follow instructions or be warned. You can point out the changing PoV during the story, however, that should be enough for the reader to know that a certain character is seeing the scene with their eyes. No one wants to write a whole story with the burden to have to explain, each and every chapter, that there's "CHANGING POVs".

As for the rest of the Author's Note... Well, let's just say that this is my point of view (it isn't right, it isn't wrong). Something I think writer's shouldn't do is to rely on the reader to continue a story. If you write something, even if it was a random spur of your imagination, it should be finished regardless of who says "continue" or "this sucks". Why? Because if you don't finish those readers who wanted it to continue will never know the ending because this came from YOUR head and not theirs. Write for the adrenaline rush not for the fame. And uhh... continue, please?

Now on with the actual story: Characters not in character... It's like having a human without a brain or skin... ew. The brain and skin is what makes each human different in appearance and thought... otherwise we would be reddish piles of human flesh. But a character from a different world (the artist's/author's mind) only has his personality to rely on and the mental picture in which the artist/author picture them in. Sometimes it's hard to write a fic without making the character change, at least a bit... this can be bad... or it can be good if the original author/artist also made this change in the original story.

Yoh was a bit out of character since he seemed to tease/annoy Ren more than usual (this is usually Horo Horo's job). In the anime he does this sometimes, and there's the scene (never happens in the manga) when Ren was attacked by the girls and everyone in the group was bugging him about it... So I guess anyone would poke fun at Ren when it comes to girls. In the manga Yoh is a bit more calm and seemed to please everyone instead of arguing or annoying someone about certain matters. He prefers to avoid problems rather than to walk into them (and Ren can make anything a problem). Like the other reviews said... he had more of a Hao personality. Oh... but I'm sure Yoh would ask Ren if he was gay... I can just imagine him asking him that, hahaha...

As for Tao En... believe it or not, he actually cares for his kids! Yep, it was stated by Hiroyuki Takei himself. In the reprint extras of the manga he has the Shaman Files and in Tao En's it says that "...he is very fond of his children and therefore he keeps a photo album of them. His wife is the only one who knows it, though." So he secretly loves them... weird fatherly love, really. But I saw him perfectly fine. If you take into account that Ren's relationship with his father in this story is the same he had with him after Yoh helped Ren defeat him... then you're on the right track.

Grammar/structure: Your grammar and use of words is fantastic; I love people who use adjectives. I had no problems with grammar, and I already addressed structure earlier... so I'm done with this one. One thing: it's fun to mess around with writing styles; try to find one that will suit you and the changing PoVs.

Plot/Story: I liked it, although there's not much of it yet since it is the beginning of the story. The main plot was stated, all you need to do now is branch it out. I wish the chapter was longer though... Usually around 2,300 to 4,0 is great for a good chapter. However, always remember that quality is more important than quantity. If you want to follow my advise it would be great, however, if you believe that shorter chapters will provide the reader with better quality, then do what you must.

Time for the Author :D Hmm... I understand what you mean about fighting when it comes down to couples. It's kinda sad that not everyone is willing to accept pairings that are 'unusual'.

As you can see, I check everything before reviewing... profiles, reviews already posted, the story itself, as well as the reviewers. I swear that I'm not a stalker though! This is just the way I review.

Time to end this.

Overall:

I like the story and hope to see more. Remember to mess around with other writing styles. Your imagery of Ren was awesome (he's so adorable). I loved the facts you put in there and how you broke the fourth wall. Your personality is great when it comes down to the Author's Note.

Well, if you have any questions/remarks/comments/others about anything, feel free to PM me and I will gladly answer. Hope to see more soon!

-Akemi Nyoko

i lyk it. its funni!XD

M. Me Likey.

Fanfiction stopped letting me review for chap1 of the other fic D:.

But I love this one too.

updatepls?

...I'll stop bugging you now after this _;;

Ooh la la.

Ahem.

Ohoho, I agree with the other reviewer, Yoh is being very Hao. Somehow I find that amusing.

"…you’re not a virgin, are you?"

"That was it. The prince was blushing."

That there, that made a grin just sneak up on me. Really. XD

I love this. Update, pls? :3

This is hilarious! I love the beginning! Please update soon!

haahahahahahaahahah update soon! please please! this is just so funny! hahahahah

Hey that was really funny and Tao was a bit OOC but i find it ,I wonder who is the girl in Ren's room?And what is going to happen next?I wanna find out so please update!You have an extremly cool story here don't forget about it!

wow... she was half naked? well Update soon dis was a cool chapter!