Shino x kiba and...thats all

This is interesting

A 'twink' is a term in gay (porn) slang for a boy who is really pretty and well 'man-scaped' usually a bottom. So, I assume a 'Twinkle' would be along those lines...

There are some cute parts to this story, however, it would be far stronger with editing, cutting the (numbers) and getting a little more descriptive.
Remember, writing is putting the reader in the scene to experience it. This means describe touch/feel, taste, smell, visual and sound often.
To use another analogy... writing a good story is like making love. You don't just show up naked *in out in out* roll over and good night without touching. You take time to slowly peel back layers of clothes, caress the skin, look in to each others eyes, move together in rhythm, the climax then the snuggles afterward... Meaning take your time to allow the plot to evolve and not just jump into what could easily be the middle of a story. (I have done this as well with a one-shot turned story...it happens to ALL of us at some point.)

Keep writing and evolving

Little Benzai-ten

THAT WAS SOOOOOO CUTE ;)

SHINO/KIBA

poor shino

starting to ship Itachi and Neji ehe

Too sweet and bad ending. Or that is just my thinking. Anyway, I think you had good idea, but you write too much about perverted thoughts. That makes charackters loose they orriganily charm and became just bad copies which doesn't seem like they used to be. And it's kinda stupid that almost everybody are gays and in love with Naruto. You're charackters are very simple, and that isn't necesserly bad. You have a realy good moments in this story, but they don't make a story. I like you're Naruto-innocente. I hope you will accept my critic and go on with writing.

Amazingly so, I found this rainbow-barfing fiction of yours even though this was published waaaay back in 2009. How many years has it been? Oh yeah, 7 years. *mumbles more incoherently*

ANYWAY, I got heaping loads of laughing oxygen because of this fiction and I couldn't ever thank you enough for this amazing piece. Though I spot some grammar mishaps (though I can feel some are really intended for the crack) but everything is smooth. Hahaha. I like it so much.

Thank you obsidian-san's brain for giving birth to Whirlpool.

Why is is named Whirlpool, by the way?

Whirlpool of insane crack, probably? Hahahaha!

Great fiction! Thanks again~

Ella

OMG IM EATING GUMMY BEARS RIGHT NOW !... and sucking on them :)

Shino/kiba! XD

Ugh! Naruto is just a cute ass uke!:,)

Just fucking amazing god damn I life you chick

You mean . No raping Naru-chan

lol...Hobo kukukuku