I bounce across your old stories first, as you'd written many and want to read chronological order. Totally enjoy reading, you written so many gems I'm now hunting your profile to read what I totally miss past ten years that had reader immediately hooked, so happy I found bromance going on. My friend is totally Dean centric, while I like two characters, as it's so difficult to choose. I love Dean so much even he don't have much faith, he's not huggy type, but person demand to be hug and be gruff about it. Except to pretty ladies. :S
like this story and how you got characters right. It's so real. :D

Ending of chapter had me smiling.

I enjoy reading this story.

This chapter officially got my attention, now writing review properly as using my phone is difficult on recent stories. Enjoy reading.

Ohhh, the feels! This, this wasn't fair. So much angst, so beautifully told! And thank you for managing to get them to say "I love you" while keeping them true to character. Love it.

LA! This is brilliant. Beautiful. Painful and wonderful all at the same time. I "wasn't going to stay up late tonight" and I couldn't put this down until I'd finished it- at 3am. I loved your extra characters, they were so real, but unobtrusive. (honestly, I'd love to see a story where the boys drag themselves back to Dr. Clint because his character was so fantastic) And your brother moments were wonderful (especially the last chapter). La! Lovely.

Nice wrap up for this one. Appreciate the work you put into this story. This was one of my favorite parts:

"Sam, miracles in our lives…..they don't come with no strings attached."

So true!

Best part:

It was a blow to Dean, this struggle.

Totally awesome.

Another great chapter! Yay for a wonderful story! These are my favorites:

"Dean shuts you out even as he draws you in."

it made him wish for things he shouldn't need, didn't even deserve, like Sam at his side.

No, the bond Sam and Dean had…it wasn't commonplace and it sure wasn't learned from their father

"But it's not enough… that he loved you. It doesn't make all the rest of it alright."

Favorite part:

Some things could not be undone, no matter the cost, like loving his father, like loving Sam.

Nice beginning, I look forward to catching up on this piece!

Hi Cheryl,

and, once again, this is another beautiful story and it's masterfully written, too! Thanks loads.

Loved the whole exchange between the doc (Clint), the old man (Ronald) and Dean where both of those strangers
seemed to know more about Sam's feelings for his brother than Dean thought in his despair. Especially, the part
where Ronald tells him about Sam saving the totaled and ready for scrap metal Impala:
"Maybe that's what your brother was afraid he'd never get to say to you, maybe that car was the last part of you he thought he'd ever have to hold onto. Something made out of metal, it's a hard thing to be left with, a bitter reminder that it's nothing without the one that loved it, someone who made you believe it was much more than metal and bolts and paint. So maybe your brother doesn't say things he feels but I know without a doubt he loves you, woulda been devastated by your death."

...and Ronald's take on love was also spot on as an explanation to Dean:
"[...] Love's a desperate thing, sees hope sometimes where there isn't any, believes in things it shouldn't, and the hang of it is, it succeeds where it should fail, saves what should by all accounts be lost. I've learned to not bet against love, it's a sucker bet every time."

LOVED it! Both these little paragraphs.

I especially loved Sam's thoughts in the beginning of Chapter 3:
'And now I've taken up that trait,' Sam sickly concluded, hating that Dean's eyes were still down, that his brother was hurting, that Dean allowed Sam the power to hurt him, just as he had allowed his father that same power. 'By loving us, he's given us the ability to hurt him and he willingly accepts it... because he loves us more than he'll ever love himself.' It was a bittersweet revelation, steeling Sam's breath away, scaring him more deeply than just about anything else he had faced. The last thing he wanted was free license to hurt Dean, for Dean to be OK with getting hurt by the ones he trusted, loved.

...and you also do descriptions so well. You really manage to draw your readers in, it always feels like
one really "takes in" someone's appearance (in this case Dean's):
[...] then he fully took in his brother's appearance. Dean's ash white face, the too large shirt that hung on his frame making Sam's bigger than life brother seem small, frail, vulnerable, the look that had flashed in the green eyes, the pain that had sparked through the barriers his brother had fortified himself behind so well lately.
And just so you know the praise is meant as such, I decided to also throw in that I've noticed some
small mistakes or misspellings:
Sometimes you use adjectives where there should be adverbs, i.e.
"John Winchester had always been able to harm his seemingLY invincible son in every way possible."
and sometimes there are articles where they don't belong, while at other times they are missing where they should be.
Switching tenses is another thing, I noticed a few times - like here:
And if there was a worst brother..., Sam doesn't want to meet him, ever. should be:
And if there was a worsE brother..., Sam didn't want to meet him, ever.
Anyway, these things are few (and rather far between) and they don't take away from your stories, as in harm the flux
of the story - or, me enjoying it!
Oh, and I loved the little un-brotherly banter between Bobby and Clint (who's one awesome OC, by the way):
"Confessing that you hurt Dean?" Shaking his head in disbelief and wonder, Bobby snorted with renewed humor, "You really like livin' on the edge, don't you?"
"You said Sam wasn't as dangerous as Dean," Clint accused, his focus still drawn to the brothers [...]
"He isn't," Bobby defended heatedly [...] "unless you mess with his brother. And then, he makes Dean look like a pussy cat."

LOVELY!
Another beautiful and very poetic paragraph, that I liked immensely, was one in chapter 4:
[...] His ears rang in protest of the silence, pining for the sounds that he had gone to sleep with for the past year now painfully absent. There was no hum of an air-conditioner or a heater, no sounds of cars driving by, no muffled voices from outside a motel room. But all those sounds had always played backup to the song that fed Sam's soul, night after night, the song that was Dean.
Oh, and then the snippet about the 'strong silent thing', that was great, too:
The severing silence that fell when he had told Dean he was leaving for college, the choking silence after his murderous actions in that asylum, the devastating silence in Dean's hospital room, the only sound having been made for Dean, the breath that wasn't his, wasn't his doing, maybe wasn't even his idea. And now there was the unrelenting silence Dean had been hiding behind since their father's death,
It felt like a punishment, Dean's silence, a punishment that Sam was crumbling under, his earlier words to Dean taking on more meaning. 'I mean this strong silent thing of yours, its crap. I'm over it.' Now Sam knew what lay under the words he spoke, the desperation, the pain, the suffocating dread. [...]
And this... Sam's speech for his brother? - I'm sorry, but I don't have words for this...
So, so beautiful and bittersweet and powerful and sad :
"I need my brother right now. He's a jerk sometimes," and Sam forced a tired snort from his constricted throat, "wouldn't know a good song if it bit him... but I miss him right now so bad it hurts. See he's been my anchor my whole life. He thinks he's supposed to be my big bad protector but really I just need him to be my best friend, to let me have a place at his shoulder, you know. Not behind him, not sheltered but right there in the thick of it beside him. It's what I grew up fantasizing about. Getting the chance to be worthy to be his partner, reassured that, if I had to take on every evil thing Dad ever talked about, at least I would do it with him, that we would do it together."

...and I LOVED the paragraph starting with:
Turning around, his face in shadows, Sam clearly saw the torment in Dean's pale face, could feel the anguish, the guilt, the sense of worthlessness that radiated from the green eyes that he knew so well. [...]

...and you also do Dean's self-loathing very, very well.
Loved everything from 'But Dean was determined that Sam see the light [...]' until 'It was the least he deserved.'
And I truly loved that Sam finally voiced what was all to clear to anyone else, apparently, that Dean raised Sam
not their father. Dean was/is always there for Sam, calms him, even if it should be the other way around.

Dean's reaction to Sam's revelation is just so Dean:
Touched by his brother's devotion, by his appreciation, Dean gave a choking, "Sam..." as his eyes filled with tears. He had always been honored to do those things for Sam. Glad that he got to do them, maybe even glad he got to do them instead of their father.
LOVED how Sam sees his brother, how he feels for him and how scared he is of what might lie ahead. Loved that he
still looks toward Dean for guidance, for reassurance - but basically just for Dean being at his side:
Dean looked so vulnerable, so young, so lost sitting on the floor, moonlight casting a fragile light over him. "I'm scared, Dean," Sam quietly confessed, as Dean's eyes held his, but unlike a thousand times before, no reassurances came from his older brother, painfully making Sam's statement truer. "I'm just so scared for you, scared that you're going to shut me out, going to self destruct, that you're going to leave me. I've dealt with a lot but you being gone, I... can't take that Dean. You crying, you hurting, you feeling, that I can deal with, but not you gone, never that."

Also liked the few sentences (on both their accounts) leading up to "Dad never waited". Liked it also because
it highlights so clearly what John W. never managed to do for both his sons, never managed to be.
Here's again a little misspelling, or misuse of words...
Sometimes you use 'quirk' when you mean 'quip', I think. English is not my native language, but as far as I know
someone can only 'quirk an eyebrow' (or something), but not 'someone quirked'. However 'someone quipped' does mean
someone says something (responds to something) in jest, or not? - Anyway, I DO love your stories!
LOVED this, too! Finally someone has the courage to let Dean tell Sam that he loves him:
Unwilling to abandon that wisdom or lose what was most important to him, Dean knew it was time to bare his soul. Sam had always had his love, but scarcely ever the trust of his soul. Turning to look at Sam, the earnestness in his eyes visible even in the moonlight, Dean declared, "Sam, I... I love you. I know I don't say it enough, or at all but it shouldn't be something you don't know. It shouldn't be something I keep hidden from you. And, no matter what things you said to Dad, Dad loved you, always loved you and he knew you loved him back. You can't doubt that."

But I also liked the entire built-up leading to Dean's soul baring. How he realizes what Clint and Ronald
did for him, made him see, when he himself was to devastated, hurting too much to see it for himself.

Oh, and last but not least, I really loved the ending paragraph! It was a nice wrap-up and tied the story
beautifully to the title you picked - I guess particularly for this reason... :)

Thanks again for writing this lovely piece and, of course, for sharing it!
Best, D.

I really enjoyed this story especially this chapter! I love the brotherly moment!

Great job! *clap*

I loved this speech of Sam's about Dean raising him, being there for him: “He didn’t raise me, you did, Dean...He didn’t teach me how to tie my shoes or shave or drive, you did. He didn’t sit up with me all night after I had another nightmare about Jess, or come get me when the Benders had me, you did. And he didn’t answer my damn phone call when I said you had a heart attack…that you were dying! He didn’t knock on my door, stumble into the room and make jokes…willing to do whatever it took to calm my fears…you did.”

Liked how Sam used the gift example to show that John would be mad at Dean not valuing his life. And this: “I need my brother and he’s not here. Bring him back, Dean. Please just be him again.” was so reminiscent of Sam's line in FB (though I know this was written first) that it was a neat tie-in, and shows how well you understand the characters.

This was really a lonely statement, but true: "And in a life as solitary as his own, strangers were often the closest thing he had to friends, people who had been given a glimpse of the real Dean Winchester, hunter, protector, man."

LOVE that you actually got Dean to tell Sam he loved him. And this: “You already said that you loved me, dude.” “What? When? When I was seven?” ...‘No, when you took me to Roy LeGrange, when you bought the mystical talking hands, now, by sitting here with me on this freakin’ hard wooden floor in the middle of the night.’

And I loved the moonlight story from their childhood. So sweet, and such a good idea. Such a bittersweet picture of the life they lead, and the things they took comfort in. So glad to see a re-visit of those moments now, with them having come full circle, and Sam being the comforter.

Loved this fic. So well done, emotionally just right, and wonderful healing and comfort. Also loved the Bible verse you used.

Loved that Sam was ready to take on Clint when he thought he'd hurt Dean. I really like Clint, though, so I'm glad he didn't kill him. LOL Loved how he kept helpfully supplying Sam with info, like about the painkillers.

And Bobby is way chattier with his neighbors than I'd ever given him credit for-cracked me up when Clint was like "I thought you said Sam wasn't as dangerous as Dean." LOL

And I adore a determined Sam "ready to wage any war he had to in order to keep his brother with him, safe".

LOVED the story-telling with all the guys, the swan and the mail-order bride. I was cracking up, especially at this: “One man’s charity is another man’s human trafficking.” LOL

Great description: "Except the cards were pieces of him that were all sharp edges, that no longer fit together, that were leaving him more bloody and fractured the harder he held onto them."

LOVED this: "Sounds like if you want to pull away from him, you’ll have the fight of your life on your hands ‘cause he’s holding on with everything he has."

And this: “How do you know he’ll come back?”

“‘Cause you’re here.”