Cool tale

Here we go!

The goodies: Well...I like the plot twist with the Raccoon. (I have never played Link's Awakening). Uh...what?

The bad: As it turns out the description is actually paper thin here, not having any of the charm of the first chapter. I highly suggest you fix it!

I would like more description of everyone, please.

The comments: Well...update soon...I guess.

Aha!

The good: Your narrative is still pretty good...

The bad: But in this chapter, it's actually a bit of a weakness. You're combat scenes are quite dull and un-stimulating of the gland that makes me want to go and nuke the world. Utter miss.

And once again, your COMPLETE AND UTTER ADHERANCE TO THE GAMES CRAPPY DIALOGUE BRINGS YOU DOWN. Either change the dialogue or add a bit more description to what the characters face does when they speak so theirs more presedent. (spelling is aweful, I know.)

The comments: One more, and then onto the next one!

Second one and still going.

The good: You know what I hate about reviewing a fic more than once? Praising the same thing over again. I like your narrative style, once again, and it works for you and this fic.

The bad: Once again, the forced robotic dialogue from people...this is a novelisation of a game (where bad dialoge is a rampant disease) but you could spruce things up a bit!

Comments: Coming the next one.

Aha! You thought I would go back on my wager! BUT YOU WERE WRONG!

Okay, here we go...

The good: I like this first chapter. The description makes it seem like you're sitting in front of me, telling me the story in person.

The bad: Immersive description aside, the dialogue kinda sucks. A little bit too cliched, forced and robotic, particularly from the king.

And at one point, you misplace the quotation marks.

Quote:“It is not an order, but simply a recommendation from a friend. I would have your ship ready within the weak, as well as a years’ rations. You would also be gifted a scroll and ink, to chart the lands you visited, if it would please you to do so. This is entirely your choice.” The King finished nobly, regaining the confidence he had so long gone without losing.

It took Link a full day’s contemplation to reach a decision. He would sail to new lands.”

In the last part, you placed some quotation marks at the end, even though no-one is speaking. So just remove that, revise the dialogue to feel more natural and we've got a story here!

Comments: Onto the next chapter!

You're getting the story down good, but I have a few errors for you to fix, namely the enemies:

The 'ChuChus' are 'Buzz Blobs' (ChuChus were first in Majora's Mask)

The 'Monster-Pigs' are Octoroks

The 'Octoroks' are Zoras (Octoroks in the hide-in-water style were introduced in Ocarina of Time)

And the 'Zols' are Gels

Anyway, it's great you're using the exact dialogue that's used in Link's Awakening, and letting Link speak is an honour.

This story's pretty awesome. I really hope you don't lose interest in it.

The only problem I found was the sword thing. The gilded sword was in MM. In ALttP, there was a tempered sword, or golden sword, which I'm sure is the weapon you're refering to. They're both upgraded version of the Master Sword, which Link returned to it's pedistal "forever," according to the ending. I don't really get why he still has it in this story.

But thats the only actual problem I found. It's nothing serious. I hope you find the time to update this.

Wow, this is great so far. You gave an interesting back story to a game that barely had one. I've only read the first chapter. I plan on reading some more tommorow.

isn't the hippo supposed to be a alagator just saying i like this storie alot though

Good Chap! Cool cliffhangar too. Update soon!

Interesting so far. I never finished the game... I stopped before I entered the giant egg. Was it an egg... I forgot.

I was never able to beat this game. I hope the next chapter comes soon.

Ok I'm interested. I'm beggining to become a fan of the whole Legend of Zelda storyline. I hope to read this story to the end.

meanie cliffie.

Not bad! Lookin' forward to the next chap! Update soon!