Thank you for a great read. I've never seen John's mind described so vividly and with such empathy.

Forever a favorite 3 I must have read this a dozen times...

I love this fic. It made me cry like nobody's business. I cried for the fact that it took Sam to slip into a coma for Joh to realise how much his boys stabilise him. How much he loves him and how incomplete he would be without them. Mary gave him a gift before she died and he failed to cherish them. I can't blame him though. He tried.

Gaaaahhh I love it

I am about 99% sure I had a heart attack somewhere in chapter 2. Good god. That was intense and angsty and amazingly written. Thank you so very much for writing.

Oh my gosh I felt for Dean so much I this chapter at the thought of his brother being dead

This story was seriously fantastic. You got my heart being so fast during those first two suspenseful chapters... I was completely hooked until the last sentence. And your writing style is perfect for this type of story! So wow... just wow. Never stop writing.

Wow! Just wow! Too bad John couldn't get past the anger and frustration once Sam was feeling better, but it's just not who he is, and, obviously, Stanford had to happen, so so be it. WONDERFUL insight into John ...just want to shake him and scream "Wake up and look at what you're doing to them!" But the fact is, he DOES know what he's doing to them, but never changes... so sad and tragic. And what the two boys went through and survived emotionally - seriously, I doubt there's much that could be more traumatic psychologically than being buried alive. Just a wonder job with this!

Wow! Haven't read any of your stuff in a while...get lost chasing too many fics with too little time, but, man! Just starting this, I remember why I (and a lot of other readers) always classified you as one of the great ones! You capture the characters so well without going over the top, and I LOVE the "John has to choose" scenario - although this one is really different because he's not really choosing. Not having him know which grave it which puts a really interesting spin on the story. Looking forward to seeing where this is going!

This has got to be the most insightful John / Sam / Dean fic I think I've ever read. It shows a man - a father - who is so utterly lost and so utterly wrong. And what's worse, he knows it. And the true heartbreak of it all is seeing that what's in his heart and his head is never in sync with what comes out of his mouth or the actions he takes.

Instead of being oblivious or outright neglectful and/or abusive, we see that he is completely aware of everything he's doing wrong. He even hates himself for doing it. But he doesn't see another way. That AND he's too proud to back away from that line he's drawn in the sand.

One of the things that touched me the most in this is how John knew his sons so well, and you'd imagine that to be a good thing. But the kicker is that he could analyse in great detail every way he'd screwed them up. In Dean he'd created this good little soldier with zero free will or autonomy and kept reinforcing his Pavlovian behaviour with his praise for being his perfect little clone. It was so much easier that way. And in Sam he was so proud of his independence and bravery to stand up to him, always fighting for what he wanted and needed. Yet he could never voice his approval and pride. He'd never praise Sam for his intelligence and achievements, instead demeaning and disapproving, threatening and screaming all in a bid to crush and bend him to his will knowing how completely wrong it was. And this awareness of what he'd done to his sons, what he was still doing, was completely heartbreaking.

The way you managed to tie all this together in the midst of this horrific hunt gone wrong was truly amazing. The serial killer who had John pegged and ended up being his conscience (in a way) was so clever and unexpected. And John's reaction was so gut wrenching really, because instead of seeing this one dimensional character that happens all too often in fic, we see this "real" person. This complicated, very flawed person who's doing his best but is doing it badly. And you can't really forgive him because he KNOWS what he's doing wrong, yet he continues to do it. Where he could give love, he only gives orders and emotional abuse because that's what he's always done. And even though Garrett was right and Sam was right doesn't matter, because he won't be told what to do. He forges ahead. So to me, that does make John a bad guy. A bad parent. An abusive and neglectful parent.

But you wrote him so beautifully you still made him sympathetic. You made me understand him and you made me not hate him even though I very much wanted to. And THAT is what I've been trying to say with my overly long, rambling review. You write beautifully. You write complex, real, multi-dimensional characters that can't easily be put into boxes. You write stories that make me feel and make me think. And this story really fits that criteria. It's freaking amazing.

There. Now I'm done! :-) xo

Ok so I just read this story of yours from one of my many google searches and it was on another site. I gotta say this story is BRILLIANT and I thought you did a fantastic job. I have always wanted to read a story where John has to choose between his kids to save or the other and I'd love it if you ever wanted to do another story like this or an alternative ending to this story where Sam has some injuries that take time to heal or don't heal, although this is a perfect stand alone story just the way it is. Still I would soooo be excited. Anyway sorry I didn't review each chapter and when I can I'll sit down and review each chapter cause I did skim the story some but the story was fantastic and I just wanted to make sure that I let you know. Hoping for more stories from you soon and hoping you are having a great summer! Nicole.

Just rereading this for the millionth time. My absolute favorite Supernatural fic.

wow...

i am amazed, this was really good

keep it up

Loved this story, I found myself nodding and agreeing with you. The way you describe their relationship is very accurate and insightful. You also describe John's feelings in a very realistic way; "... You can't protect lambs by hiding them in a lion's den." I loved that line and how you call John out. You made him confront himself without changing the spn story line. Anyways, sorry about my rambling. Great story.

Okay.
Officially my favorite Supernatural story.
Ever.