You have a lot of spelling errors in this story. They screw up the flow, but other than that the story is good so far. I would recommend going back through and fixing the spelling though.

I don't care about your mindless chatter. This isn't even an enitre chapter. Stop behaving as if you're in your own world and get your head out of your hind end.

Sister? Oh great. This keeps getting worse and worse. You've created a Mary Sue.

Where do you come up with these crazy ideas? You're in your own little fantasy. This isn't reality.

oh stop crying I like this please write more or I will cry.

Like the plot line although I have no idea where it is going but I think I am hooked; however, I find a story difficult to read when there are a lot of misspellings/grammer issues, so I would maybe reccomend a beta reader to help work out some of that (I'd even be willing to help with the betaing if you wanted). I definitly want to see where this story ends up, so please update soon.

Hm... I don't know how to put this... I guess I'll just say it as it is. There are several basic mispellings that spell check should have picked up. I was hoping they would have been fixed by now. A beta might solve that problem. Then some of the lines seem kinda flat. Not to mention the OCs are getting close to being Mary Sue-ish. They're not to that point yet since I haven't read enough of their characters yet to judge that.

On a brighter note, you actually have me so intrested in the story, I've actually went past my morals and continued reading since I want to know what's going to happen next.

Oh, you might want to enable annonimous reviews. That might give you somemore reviews.