Very nicely done. Loved it.

Ha! Loved it.

I love this! Seriously, I'm glad I found your writing. I love how you write Angela, Tim and Curly. I don't exactly know why, but Curly always looking at Angela with a puzzled expression, is just how I see him. The ending was a bit...ruined for me - I mean Tim slashing Dally's chest just doesn't seem like him...especially for sleeping with his kid sister.

All in all, this was a good fic.

Jamie

It's just thrash. If you take out the violence, elaborate a bit more on the sex, and finish with a cum scene, Penthouse might - I stress MIGHT - just print it.

Love the title for one. You wrote every person perfectly. I just loved it.

You dont know how happy I was when I saw an update in my email. This is a really good start and I liked how you started with a really big event like that. I liked how you showed both a revengeful and kind side of Angela like how she pays attention to Tim and knows when she's stressing him out and when to quit. Also I liked how even Angela is aware of Curly being the puppet of her two brothers. I think this is a really good start and I'm curious to see how, and if this will affect Tim and Dally's friendship.

Nice piece. I liked your characterization a lot. Dallas, Angela, Tim and Curly were all spot-on what I would imagine them to be. I think you did a good job of that.

I was very glad to see you sticking to one POV for each section! Yay for proper third-limited lol. Still, I think sometimes it got a little dizzy jumping from one person to the next in such a short space. It’s nice to see both Dally and Angela’s viewpoints though, and you do them both well. Is it possible to pull the same effect with fewer POV changes?

The sex scene was fairly tasteful – nicely done. Not too graphic, but not too dry either. I think it might be worthy of an M rating though … to be honest I don’t really know lol. But, either way, I think it was well-done.

A couple small slips I noticed, cuz I’ve been at this for awhile today lol:

“"You heard her Shepard; she's a big girl, fuck off." Dallas laughed.”

Comma after “fuck off” not a period.

“He had picked a fine time to break up with Sylvia...”

Ellipses … space on either side lol.

“The bitch, couldn't keep her legs closed anymore than he could keep his pants up.”

You don’t need a comma after “bitch”.

““You ain’t the boss of me, I can say what I want, and date who ever I want.””

“Who ever” should be “whoever”.

“Even with stilettos on, she had managed to march out of the door, without flaw.”

Hm … are stilettos really something that a girl her age would be able to wear in the 60s? Heels, sure, but I don’t think stilettos.

Other than my nitpicking though, I thought this was a very well-done piece. Nice job!

Isn't Angela about Pony's age? Dally's rat bastard in a lot of ways... but even greasers and hoods have a code of honor... and screwing a buddy's little baby sister is something that would not be done.

Consider the era, as well.

You have a talent for writing. In other respects, this is a well presented fic with many good points. I really think you should keep writing. But don't forget the reality of the characters. Respect their reality.

Good luck.

see that wasn't so hard was is it ? I think you did a real good job with it, I liked the whole camando scene at the end with Tim I thought it was very belvieable I could see this happening canonically(is that the word for it ?.)I hope to see more writting from you soon.

Happy Good Fic bombing day.

ps:thanks for the deadcation.

This was a great fic, CS. I like how Angela is the little sister rebel, lol. I also like how you portrayed her over protective brothers.

It was definitley worth reading, I'll tell you that :)

Great work, love to see more from you soon!

-Alexa

I enjoy Dallymances, and while this wasn't quite one, I really liked the characterization.

I love Angela, too, and I really like her here ... it's a nice stepup for Dallas slashing Tim's tires later.

Pacing needs a little tweaking.

I absolutely love Angela. Call her a whore, call her a bitch, I don't care, I love her. This was great! :)(:

Nirvana's, without a doubt, my favourite band. Music died when Cobain did. Teen Spirit isn't my favourite track, but the title fitted the story perfect.

I loved it! It was funny and it sounded very much like Angela. I had a feeling she's crazy about making her brothers mad, lol. Very typical family relationships-I'm definitely looking forward to more Shepard fics from you.

"To Dallas' surprise, Angela strode over to her brother, and smiled with her hands on her hips.

'Tony's not lookin' so bad now, is he?'"

I loved that line. It was as if she had planned it minutes before, like the perfect plan.

Great work! :)

Hahaha! That was terrific! I love the big brother Tim is and the one Curly tries to be. Plus, it's great the way Angela knows exactly what buttons to push to get to Tim, leaving Dallas in her wake. Poor Dallas.

Nice job! Just the right amount of detail ;). I loved how Angela did it all to get back at her brother. And at the same time, there's that subtle feeling that it wasn't really something she wanted to do.

Liz