i enjoyed this. so glad there was no smut. classic romance. bravo!

That was adorable. I love you.

Is this lulu from the school of fear books because she sounds and acts like her!

Loved it !(:

awwwwwwwwwww. I LOVE IT!

This is sweet!

Perfect, if slightly rushed towards the end.

Yeah, I absolutely loved it.

very cute!

loved it thank you

I love this! It so wasn't boring, at all! I love it!(Sorry, I had a lot of sugar, soda, etc.)

That was an amazing one-shot! I don't normally read them, but this one had me hooked!

It was incredibly written.

When I read about Lulu, Fleur popped into my head, so that's how I had been imagining her.

but once again!

Wonderfully written!

Okay, I'm doing as ordered and reading a story! I didn't read the one you suggested, because there are so few SiriusHermiones that I had to have a look.

And I like the premise of this one, and it's interesting that you used Fred as the competition. I think you're right that it would be hard for you to fit as much detail into a one-shot, so my advice would be to expand this a little more. One shots are really just snapshots of a time, the actual moment where things happen.

The biggest problem I found with this story is that your speech is unrealistic. Now, speech is one of the hardest things to master in writing, but one of the best ways to write good dialogue is to listen to the people around you, and the way you speak. Read your dialogue aloud and see if you can honestly see people speaking like that. Some things in HP are archaic, but it is set in modern times, so you need to be aware that they are going to speak fairly well. Also remember that this is set in England, and some of the vernacular is going to be different and specific. Ie bollocks etc.

You also need to work on your grammar, because it is one of the most distracting things in a story. Grab yourself a good style guide and you will never look back. :)

As for your physical scenes (re your comment in your review to me, and the scene between Sirius and Hermione), all you have to do is imagine what you think it would be like. No writer knows exactly what it's like to be seduced by Severus Snape (more's the pity :P) but we can all imagine it. I admit that it's hard to be comfortable writing about something you haven't experienced (you should have seen me trying to describe kisses before I'd been kisses), but what you need to do is slow down and take the time to get into the minds of the characters, and get involved in the scene as though you were there. If you had just discovered that the person you like liked you too, and kissed you, what would you be feeling?

I think my biggest overall comment (and don't take all this solicitous advice as criticsm, it's a great idea for a story) is that you just need to slow down. There is no word limit on one shots, they can be as long as you like. So take the time to explain why Hermione reacts so strongly to the men fighting over her, have a conversation with Remus about Hermione, rather than having everyone be omniscient and somehow knowing that Sirius likes her, because really, he's been hiding it for ages, why does he suddenly become so obvious?

In line with this, explore your characters more deeply. Explain to us why Sirius loves her, but do it carefully, rather than just *telling* us that he does. Let us see him noticing her, or a non-related conversation that shows how much he admires her mind, or her wit when watching her spar with the Weasley boys across the dinner table.

I'm taking up a lot of space now, so to finish off, I just want to say that all you have to do is slow down, take some time for description, it's not a race, it's not an assignment, and the more you practice the better you'll get it.

I hope that was helpful and not too confronting. Thanks for reading my fic, I appreciate it.

Yours lyrically,

Liz.

tealy cute i liked the whole joke in the begining :)

This was a great fic. Interesting pairing, i never really thought of Hermione and Sirius as being a couple, but it definitely works. _

I loved your One-Shot, it was very well written. Keep up the good work. If you like Sirius/ Hermione you should read Nessesary by the Order by SiRiUsLyInLuV71 or any of her stories they are all great.