Wow! This story is amazing!

Good but so sad. gosh. I could feel the tears

I think this was the best chapter in the whole fic. That whole Neji-Tenten thing was just perfect in my opinion. The whole story was worth reading up to this point just for the payoff of that line.

"I am going to give you this choice one time. You are going to pick up that hammer and become useful once again or you are going to scurry out of here and prove to the world that you are not worth the air you are breathing."

That said, a lot of the rest of the story was a bit of a chore to read. The dialogue was pretty wooden to start off with and the characters behaved unnaturally.

Regardless, your consistency with the chapters was great and your story was good. The graphic points down the line were quite done well and the pacing was also pretty good (though Hina's backstory kinda dragged a bit, but whatever).

All in all this could've been done better (like anything else in the world) but I think this is a story you can still be proud of.

Thanks for sharing it.

good story to bad theres no seq

! ! ! !

That line about him having a child with Shion instantly made me want to vomit. Eww

I never really paid attention before, but now it's clear, you don't know how the 5 point seal works and because of that, your story on what happened to Naruto is an epic , and I mean epic fail.

Hahaha I loved the Hamlet reference at the end. "Alas poor Yorick. I knew him once, Horatio. A clown of infinite Jest." Just finished reading this in my High School Literature course. Anyway, I've loved the story so far. Glad I found it.

Very good story

Wait...Where is Baruto in this?

And thus, the chain of hatred between the two brothers continues... Anyway I love it. But Im sad that Naruto never realized his dream of being Hokage. Interesting how you portrayed Sasuke, a truly demental individual... Anyway, Looking forward to more!

My first impression was right. This is a great story but poorly written. It should be a lot longer, you want to show what a character is thinking or feeling, not just tell the reader what is going on.

I love how you brought the story in a full circle from Naruto at the beginning to his son at the end, I'm always a fan if circular plots.

As for the last section with the parallel remembrance, you opened up the point without giving any information on where to go for the sequel, if there even is one. There are good, purposeful cliffhangers, but this one was just poor form. It's an easy fix: take it out or put in the title of the sequel so your reader knows what to look for.

Good luck on your future stories! I'm going to look for something more recent to see if you've improved, adios!

this is a brilliant idea, but this whole story is being told not shown and it's almost painful to read. I'm bored enough with life to keep reading.

WhAT thE FUcK iS gOiNg OOOOOONNNN FRICKIN CURIOSITY IS KILLING ME

there is no life in the dialogue. you should work on that.

HOW THE HELL IS C-4 IN A STORY ABOUT NINJA! NINNNJA!