I'm gonna warn you right now... my review might not make much sense cuz I'm so damn tired and not thinking too clearly... but I wanna review now when this wickedly enchanting fic is still processing in my mind. I've read this the whole way through for hours until just now that I'm finished with it... I'll try to stay up long enough to read the sequel... I'm not sure how to express how much I think this fic rocked and how glad I am that I read this... even if I ended up staying up all night cuz I couldn't stop reading! This is, without a doubt, the most difficult to understand cuz of some of the lingo, (mainly the science-y stuff), diverse, (due to all the different points of views you've written), and freaking cool! fic I've read! I dunno, but alls I can say is that you are one heck of a good writer! Is Hojo really Sephiroth's daddy? That's be so disturbing! Is Sephiroth gonna ask questions about Lucrecia? And this last question is just cuz I wanna ask someone... but why does it feel that Sephiroth always gets the short end of a really small stick? Eh, I'm just gonna shut up now an' root for Cloud and Sephy!

Ummm... I don't want to be mean or anything, but your is too confusing to read due to your writing style. There's just so much random information crammed into a few paragraphs and not organized at all. I stopped reading after the first chapter yesterday and came back today for chapter 2 and the plot was suddenly so different from the one in the first chapter that I actually had to check and make sure I was still reading the same story as yesterday.

I wanted to make a comment on the writing style since I'm not done actually reading the story yet. (I'll get there because I like where it's going) I feel it's very similar to the way I used to write. So I'm not trying to be a dick if that's how this sounds.

I felt like there was a lot you wanted to say, but it wasn't organized.
So descriptions of things, while detailed and lovely after the fact, were crammed into a really I wanted to make a comment on the writing style since I'm not done actually reading the story yet. (I'll get there because I like where it's going) I feel it's very similar to the way I used to write. So I'm not trying to be a dick if that's how this sounds.

I felt like there was a lot you wanted to say, but it wasn't organized.
So descriptions of things, while detailed and lovely after the fact, were crammed into a really tight space where there was supposed to be plot going on. It sometimes made the story feel derailed.
I know how hard it is to find a time and place to squeeze in details about literally everything, But when it comes down to it, sacrifices have to be made. Certain ideals and details have to be left to the reader to figure out, allowing that freedom is part of what helps a reader relate to a story as they read so they have to do less mental backtracking.

The other way to deal with it is to be organized. Slip in smaller, less obtrusive details or explain a large portion of it upon entry to a scene.

Like this part that caught my attention:
"The argument had ended with mother telling him to make use of his childhood as long as he had it, but she hadn't said with whom and so Cloud went to the birdhouse to sulk. Mrs Willowgreen's blackbirds were all silent and sleepy, but the small, black creatures on their roosts in the middle of bonsai trees that bloomed white and purple were still very nice and the retired postwoman, Avalanche's closest neighbor, had told hi, he was always welcome. He had meant to practice with the new lock, but felt oddly lazy. it was a warm day with a distant promise of gentle rain."

That scene had a ton of information and a fair amount of comma abuse. I get how that is, I used to do it. (still do)

Without leaving anything out (or adding anything) I applied the crit I made to see how it rewrote itself:
"The argument ended with Mother telling him to make use of his childhood while he could, but she hadn't said with whom. Cloud went to Mrs Willowgreen's birdhouse to sulk. The small, black creatures perched in bonsai trees blooming white and purple, dozing.

The old postwoman, Avalanche's closest neighbor, had told Cloud he was always welcome. He had meant to practice with the new lock, but felt oddly lazy; the day being warm with a distant promise of rain. "

The story is composed of statements and observations the reader has to take and smash together to form their own picture, but they don't really have much correlation to one another before that, making it kinda clunky. A sense of flow is needed. One thing leading into another, instead of bumping nose to rear and saying "Hey! Strap in!"
tight space where there was supposed to be plot going on. It sometimes made the story feel derailed.
I know how hard it is to find a time and place to squeeze in details about literally everything,

But when it comes down to it, sacrifices have to be made. Certain ideals and details have to be

left to the reader to figure out, allowing that freedom is part of what helps a reader relate to

a story as they read so they have to do less mental backtracking.

The other way to deal with it is to be organized. Slip in smaller, less obtrusive details or

explain a large portion of it upon entry to a scene.

Like this part that caught my attention:

"The argument had ended with mother telling him to make use of his childhood as long as he had

it, but she hadn't said with whom and so Cloud went to the birdhouse to sulk. Mrs Willowgreen's

blackbirds were all silent and sleepy, but the small, black creatures on their roosts in the

middle of bonsai trees that bloomed white and purple were still very nice and the retired

postwoman, Avalanche's closest neighbour, had told hi, he was always welcome. He had meant to

practice with the new lock, but felt oddly lazy. it was a warm day with a distant promise of

Gentle Rain."

That scene had a ton of information and a fair amount of comma abuse. I get how that is, I used to do it. (still do)

Without leaving anything out (or adding anything) I applied the crit I made to see how it rewrote itself:

"The argument ended with Mother telling him to make use of his childhood while he could, but she hadn't said with whome. Cloud went to Mrs Willowgreen's birdhouse to sulk. The small, black creatures perched in bonsai trees blooming white and purple, dozing.

The old postwoman, Avelanche's closest neighbor, had told Cloud he was always welcome. He had meant to practice with the new lock, but felt oddly lazy; the day being warm with a distant promise of rain. "

The story is composed of statements and observations the reader has to take and smash together to form their own picture, but they don't really have much corrilation to one another before that, making it kinda clunky. A sense of flow is needed. One thing leading into another, instead of bumping nose to rear and saying "Hey! Strap in!"

This story was posted years ago, I get that, and I bet your style had evolved a great deal since writing this one, but I still wanted to say something constructive. When I write I find its always harder than hell getting feedback (Any kind of feedback) on a story beyond "I loved it!" or "I hate it." So I'm also trying to teach myself how to do it.

Sheesh that was long winded. 0_O;

Amazing excellent story.

This was a great story! I really enjoyed it!

Absolutely great and original story. Really liked it the way the history and relationships changed. Vincent and Cloud were really great and Sephiroth too :)

sequel please!

I've liked what I've read so far, and I realise it's been a long time since it's been written but a beta would have been beneficial, just to iron out those typo's that are lingering. But it's really enjoyable.

extraordinary ! a little difficult to understand sometimes. but great ! I loved the passage with apple candies (Aerith is so wonderful !) !

good work !

:)

Ok - so, this is the fourth? firth time? I have read this story.

I don't think I can even begin to praise you for your writing style, your narrative style, and the general quality of this story.

I have also read one or two of your other little tales (Fables! yey!) and I know for a fact, that you are one of the most talented writers out there. Forget fanfiction, you are just an amazing writer.

This story is everything i could ask for to be honest. You are detailed and painful in your creations of a history for each character and reading everychapter is both heartbreaking and beautiful.

thank you so much. You cannot imagine how honored i am as well as completely blown away by reading your story.

Square Enix ought to give up its day job - seriously.

forever in awe of you.

T

*giggle* Am I the only one who noticed the homage to Don McLean's 'American Pie' in this chapter?

..the players tried/to take the field/ the marching band/refused to yield...

...With the jester on the sidelines/ with a cast...

Hehehe. Neat.

"...the shortening of telomeres wasn't exactly a problem with a creature that had none..."

...-.- it's not the telomeres that are shortening, it's the nascent strand of dna. the telomeres and telomerases are there to help prevent shortening.

"She already did." hehe lol!

Yay! Great ending! That was thoroughly enjoyable. :)

Nice job!

Take care. And thanks for the fun read. :)

Yay! *cheers*

Another meeting! :D