Sorry that I have to use this as a chat room, but I couldn't reply to you yet because of the 'rules' *mutters under her breath* Yeah, anyway, glad you've finally figured out who this is. I knew you would, especially because of that 'Talk' we had yesterday. Maybe, if I finally accomplish some requirements, I can be your Beta-Reader. If it still doesn't work, if it's possible, we can go to each others' house and work on our stories. I'm also looking forward to be able to publish my stories. Hope next time we talk, I won't have to use this story. Though to make this useful somehow, I'm going into my arrogant, critic mode:

...

Yeah, I think I'm out of ideas..*sweatdrop* Still, keep up the great work! I'm glad to have finally found somebody that shares my interest. I'll be keeping a watchful eye on you from now on so be prepared.

~Chelsea~

P.S : Cool joke at your bio, sis. I laughed out loud when I found out what it meant. XD

I'm just a newbie so you might hesitate to take my advice. But please, at least think about these:

1. The reason of Sam's bad mood was very confusing. I understand your trying to build suspense, but don't take too long. Drop some hints here and there.

2. Your spelling and grammar needs some work. Instead of relying on MS Word's spell check, why don't you double check it yourself? There are some things you write that might be an error and MS Word wouldn't know it. For example, you wrote the word 'her' instead of 'here'. MS Word won't see any problems with two correctly spelled words now, would it?

Those are the only mistakes I could explain. I might find others, but you have to figure it out on your own. Though I have to admit, the plot you introduced in your summary was interesting. I applaud your creativity, sis! I hope you've figured out who I am by now. Only a few select of people outside your home would call you sister. Keep up the great work! I'll see you in school! XD.

~Chelsea~

AWESOME! Your an awesome writer update soon PLEASE!

This was a really good chapter :) I can't wait for the next1 I 3 Danny and Sam together :D

I am going to add this to story alert because I like it, but it's REALLY confusing. Could you maybe make it a bit more clear?

Microsoft word is completely compatible, so I'm not quite sure what the problem is with that.

But there are A LOT of problems with this story.

Most notably: the lack of apostrophes and quotation marks. That little symbol that you use with contractions and such? I'll, we'll, didn't. Those help, and they really aren't optional, dig?

And quotation put them around things that people are saying.

Yeah I know I said

Should be:

"Yeah I know," I said (the comma isn't really optional either. you need punctuation and you need it BADLY.)

That's another thing. Run-on sentences.

My head was down so I looked up to see who was accompanying me, and then I saw Cecilia, she was my personal made and she was also my best friend although nobody ever knew that except for the people who lived in my house.

Read that over in your head. Can you see what's wrong with it?

How about:

My head was down so I looked up to see who was accompanying me. I saw Cecilia; she was my personal made and she was also my best friend, although nobody ever knew that except for the people who lived in my house.

(Also, "made" should be "maid", and some of this sentence just sounds nonsensical.)

And the big block paragraphs? Yeah, that's really gonna scare any potential readers away.

A lot of this story is just nonsense. It's hard to follow with the grammatical, spelling, and punctuation errors that it is riddled with. I'd tell you what they all were, but there are just too many. I'd recommend a beta-reader. Or, you know, reading a book.

And it took me a few minutes to figure out this was about Sam. You didn't mention her name ONCE in the first few paragraphs. and NOBODY is going to really know what's even happening in this story. She just wakes up sad? Tell them why. Preferably near the BEGINNING of the story.

Get some help. Saying your story has SOME flaws is an understatement. Fix it or kill it, but don't leave it like this.

Good luck.

-Phanny