Horrible writing. Take some ESL classes.

Cannot stop laughing. Who would suspect that person?

Your story defies description. I can only assume that you are under the age of twelve. If not then don't quit your day job.

How old are you? If you are older than 8, you really need some tutoring in spelling and grammar. Maybe throw in some sentence structure help too.

You should honestly be ashamed of yourself. I sat through the awful grammar, poor sentence structure, and badly written "plot", hoping that perhaps you would redeem yourself with some partially decent ending. No, you had to do something like that in what seems to be a very sad failed attempt at being funny. Thanks for ruining my faith in fanfiction completely.

Ridiculous. That is all.