I need u to make Allen say that he loves kanda so much and I want kanda to have a life not stalking his lover like that it use to be cute now it's just plain weird kanda is not a lifeless loser who's allens bitch he's not

3 this story is so kawaii~

Wow Kanda sure is lusty.
Wonder what would happen if the actuall characters saw this.
Really like the stories u write

This is really good. Hmm...the major mistakes lie in the grammar. These mistakes are...
1) You don't end some sentences with punctuation marks.
2)You dont say who said what but instead you skip to the action their doing. Like when Kanda grinned.
3)I think you should work with past tense. I think it works best with your writing style. Example:Kanda grinned evily. or Allen screamed as Kanda lowered his body on top of his.
4)You need to add some words here in there to help describe whats going on and add to the emotions.
That's about it. I like this story and thanks for writing a sequel.

I LOVE IT! SO CUTEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

oh no...poor Allen hes going to wither away Lol

I'm not sure if you figured this out yet, but the english langauge has past and present tense. For example like is present tense, and liked is past. You use prepared, because they aren't talking about the past it would be prepare. Another thing I notice is that you use hold in the wrong tense too, hold is present and held is past. Make sure you capitalize names too, even in dialogue, everytime. And if your talking about ownership use 's. An example of this is when you said "grinning at his 'possession' impatience" It would be possession's impatience. Make sure you have someone read this out loud, it would help. By the way, you are doing a great job at learning a new langauge! I'm learning French and I can barely write a sentence in French. So keep trying! Au Revior! (I'm pretty sure that means goodbye)

Kanda seriously needs to back off almost completely, it's gone from bordering on rape to plummeting down the rape ravine.

rofl Read this one and the one before. Gosh just reading kanda and Allen's situation makes my own body exhausted xD

Cute though I have to say~

ohh soo cute!

but damn why is never enough for the perv kanda?

hahahahaha

3 it!

hahaha poor Allen-chan! Yu is such a horny bastard, ne? lol Keep writing your wonderful stories! And please update a sequel soon!

Okay, first of all, congratulations on learning English, you have a good command on the language but you still have some problems, mostly in the tense of words like it is just started learning English not just start learning English so pay attention to that. the actual stories are very good so please keep writing.

Poor Allen. Kanda needs to let up. Nice story.

your mistakes are mostly in the tenses of words. and the title should be "Youre Forever Mine" or "Youre Mine Forever"

other than that, nice job .