THIS. IS. BEAUTIFUL.

I was literally crying as I read this! This was so well written! I really felt the pain and agony Saix felt with each word. And the way his feelings were described...his jealousy, his hurt and the "sweet bitterness", they dug their way into my heart. And my favorite part,

"I breathe as you do.

My knees bending to the floor, my eyes lingered.

Never so close, never so that I can almost feel your skin, almost taste on my lips.

No more distance between. I reach for it.

"Lea…"

I whisper your name right about your lips. My eyes are bewildered with dreams of sweetened visions and memories.

I shut my eyes. Emerald green. Axel. Lea. I-

I.

I let go.

...

...

"Roxas…."

The name escaped your lips, so lightly and gentle, still with the smile.

My eyes enlarged.

His name.

In your sleep.

Your smile.

Is it again my dismay.", it kept me on the edge of my seat with my hands covering my mouth in shock. Then the part after that,"This glass dream is suddenly broken with the loud scream. Everything shattered. The broken pieces cuts through my skin bleeding, bleeding.", it was described so well, I swear I could almost feel glass cutting at MY skin. I somehow imagined what Saix's stained glass pillar would've looked like and I imagined in breaking, him falling, and the shards cutting him. Then after that, "The dream was over. That name bought reality and my senses. I back away fast, stumbled against the door, something is rushing out me. The tears, the water, the liquid, the sorrow.

I breathe. In and out. As if I don't try there will be never more. More of me in this agonizing pain, or these pathetic lies and illusions.", I felt as if my lungs were tightening and I saw how Saix was crying, struggling to breathe.

Then finally, the part where Axel dies and Saix is shouting to him, it was as if I could hear Saix's cracking voice screaming to Axel not to leave him. It made my heart race and also made tears fall from my eyes.

Tl;dr, this is an awesome fanfic that to me, clearly showed the character's thoughts and feelings. You did a great job! Again, I LOVE IT.

Damn...

i was going to write something but now i finished reading it...

i dont know what to say, or what word to use to describe just how good that was and how well -written, poetic and deep his monologue was.

it shows a much more sensitive and hidden side of Saix while keeping to his outer appearence we all are use to, yet there were no fancy big words used, just words.

This is beautiful. Simply beautiful. You fleshed out Saix's character so delicately. It was quite refreshing; instead of the cold, heartless (heh) persona that we usually see of Saix, beneath that exterior is something more troubling, so sad and touching. This, and how you included not only 358/2 Days but the rest of the games where Saix appears as well...you managed to compile all of this, capture his thoughts and pains, and incorporate it into nearly the entire Kingdom Hearts arc so seamlessly.

Although there were some parts that didn't flow as smoothly though. Sometimes I got confused as to whether Saix was still in Axel's room or not, as the pacing of Saix's thoughts were quicker than I thought. Perhaps some dividers would help? But then again, that might detract the appeal of the story. It's just beautiful as it is, and definitely made me teary-eyed!

Another thing I noticed are some of the grammar mistakes here and there. It's not too much that it prevents me from reading further, but it would be better if they can get corrected.

I discussed with a fellow KH fan today about Saix and Axel's relationship being a very sad one, and perhaps the saddest of all in the Kingdom Hearts story. She slightly disagrees and tells me about the other sad events, such as the unfortunate fates of the past keyblade warriors. I digress. What makes Saix and Axel's relationship different from the rest, is that it is a friendship that is fractured, and perhaps one that may even forever be unrequited and irreconcilable (although hopefully Nomura won't be a bitch and instead work some of that Disney magic into his tragic characters xP).

And this line in your story is quite the deal-breaker (and a heart-breaker, and a tear-jerker!):

"This time I know full too well it is still him on your mind. But what is it for me to care no more? As long as I have these memories, I will behold them dearly."

Almost paralleling to what Saix said in Birth By Sleep:

"Well, as for me, you may be a really small part, but you'll never disappear."

How depressing!

Well, you've done it. I think this is the best fanfiction so far that is able to capture Saix's thoughts without making his character too OOC. This is the best Saix/Axel one-shot I've heard so far, and deserves some awesome-sauce and a place in my Favorite Stories list. :)

AW!

that was so sweet and sad! I was crying at the end! i was expectig this to be some stipid lil yaoi... But this was 10 times better! :) lea and isa were mad for eachother and i hope They're happy in the after life and that stupid roxas and sora dont get in their way!

TOTALLY LOVED IT DUDE! 3

;-; so sad! I can't stop crying D:

It's so beautiful . . . I cried . . . I'm still crying . . . I love this pairing . . . It seems I'm attracted to tragedy . . . for that's all this pairing is . . .

This was amazing! Other than a few errors sprinkled here and there, the emotion I found in this was truly profound. I have not read a lot many fics that made me feel exactly what the characters were feeling, and I commend you for that. Keep up the good work!

~Deception-chan

Oh, this is a lovely thing! Utterly heartbreaking (if you’ll forgive the pun) and gorgeous to read. I’ll start out with a few bits of criticism, I think, and then go to the compliments.

The first issue, well, isn’t really quite a problem. It’s not a major issue, but there are points where your usage is *just* a bit off. You use the right word in the wrong form, and the tenses get a bit confused at points. (Like in this line, “You did introduce it to him; I know you will.” – the first part is past tense, but the second part is future tense.) I noticed from your bio that you’re Chinese - I take it you’re not a native English writer? Do you have a beta that is? I think it would help clear up some of the confusion – just making sure it makes sense to someone else can help a lot.

One note – Saix says several times that he cannot embrace Axel or express his love until they have hearts; however, he doesn’t quite explain why he cannot do anything. He says, “I would use every chance to grasp the emerald green again.” But he doesn’t do anything as simple as asking Axel out for ice cream himself.

On the one hand, it makes sense in the terms of the relationship – it’s been so long since they’ve talked about anything other than business that Saix doesn’t know how to talk about their friendship. But on the other hand, he doesn’t say that – he doesn’t even *consider* approaching Axel except in the most circumspect ways. He just waits and watches and doesn’t do anything but mourn what he’s lost. Is that intentional? It’s a bit vague and confusing if it is – it makes Saix look almost…weak-willed, which he isn’t. I think there should be a bit more detail there, perhaps a section explaining why Saix doesn’t act.

There are a few logic errors – for example, if Saix screamed that loudly when Axel said Roxas’s name in his sleep (this line: “This glass dream is suddenly broken with the loud scream.”) then I suspect even Axel would wake up. Axel’s a heavy sleeper, but not that heavy. But that’s minor, I think.

Now, onto the compliments!

You have gorgeous, beautiful prose. I honestly did not notice the occasional odd word usage the first time I read this because I was so caught up in the phrasing (when it’s right, it’s perfect) and the imagery. Every image is perfectly clear – expressions, especially, are hard to get across in prose, but in this it’s so easy to see.

The emotional clarity and intensity is amazing. Saix acts so cold, so ruthless – but it’s like ice over a volcano. He acts dispassionately, but in truth is seething and angry and hurting – this tangled mess of jealousy and abandonment issues and rage. It’s amazing to read, and you portray it perfectly. “It seemed that even Nobodies couldn’t throw away greed.” …that line reminds me of one from another story – “The one thing a Nobody can do is want.” Just gorgeous. (And I’m running out of complimentary adjectives, aren’t I?)

Most of the lines are good, mind, but some of them are more amazing than others. Let’s see, what were some of my favorites… “He is your desire. You’re my desire. Is it not so pathetic?” That’s the emotional clarity again – just heartbreaking and ow. I suspect that perhaps my favorite section is right the end – right before Saix fades.

“He fights for who he loves.

Loves.

That cannot be for me, for I have no heart.

Is loved not a word enough?”

I think that about sums up everything that is so painfully unfair about the situation- incomplete people trying to be whole in the only way they know how. It’s not fair and it’s not right, and it’s painful to watch because the Nobodies really are getting mistreated here. And that last line…perfect.

While, as I said, your word choice can be a bit off – when you get it right it’s beautiful. There a few logic errors, but for me those are secondary. The emotional intensity hits like a shot to the heart and the prose is simply gorgeous. Very well done!

Splintered Star

Your way of writting is amazing. Keep on the good work.

*sniffles* Beautiful...

Poor Saix...

THAT...WAS...SO...BEAUTIFUL~!

BELIEVE IT~!