cool book

Not your best work.

21 chapters and 14 start with the character doing something physical, 8 of those is their eyes narrowing and 3 more chapters have the character gazing at something or someone. That means you're using these mannerisms as a crutch for drawing the reader into the chapter's opening but it then becomes a borderline farce when the story is read in one sitting.

I think the thing that really kept me from enjoying this story was the strange portrayal of Luke. Everyone in the SW galaxy knew that the Emporor's name was Palpatine, everyone knew that Darth Vader worked for the Emporor, Luke knew that Vader wanted him to join him in the dark side so that "together we can destroy my master and rule the galaxy together." And yet this Luke - Return of the Jedi Luke - doesn't recognise Palpatine's name nor does he make the connection between Anakin falling to a mysterious Darth Sidious and this Palpatine trying to encourage Anakin to use his anger.

I just can't buy it and the problem is that Luke being unaware of this looks to be one of the main plot points of the early story.

I also think you fell into the trap most people do when they think of Luke's skills and power levels. RotJ Luke was a solid Clone Wars Knight level Jedi in terms of his skills in the Force and lightsaber duelling while his mentality was well on the way to his Grand Master mentality. But a lot of people end up trying to write RotJ Luke as Empire Luke; ie, not really knowing much about the Force or having many abilties.

can I ask which book is your reference here? I mean which novel?

it's funny you start almost all your chapter bycharacter X narrowed his/her eyes"

I'm really liking how this is playing out like a clone wars episode

ooh thrown straight into action. I'm already interested!

Good.

Starkiller? You have no idea

Han was the ultimate third wheel

okay time to to point out a MAJOR mistake if your part, luke already knew about padmé way back in chapter 4 i think, when anakin admitted he was married... so you messed up there mate

Luke felt the disturbance as ship after ship was destroyed by the ship.

That is pretty poor word choice. Ship after ship was destroyed by the ship. At least make it warship or Greivous's ship. Battle cruiser or dreadnaught would probably be best.

Also, you said not know instead of not now at least once.

Very strange this is. Never expected this to happen I did not.

Double negative, this is. Change it, you should.

Leia narrowed her eyes as she examined Obi-Wan as the Jedi General she learned so much about when she was younger from Bail fight his way through the droids in the shipping yard.

That is quite the run-on sentence. Mayhaps you should use things like commas, semi-colons, and other grammar niceties.

There seems to be a slight inconsistency cropping up in your narrative. It may be that I'm merely getting myself confused but I could have sworn that Obi Wan was already made aware of the attachment between Anakin and Padmé. Likewise there seem to be small confusions on Han and Leia's side but that may just be because I couldn't keep up with the information different points of view may have access to.

With all the eye narrowing I'm surprised the characters don't have a permanent squint. Other than that this is kind of entertaining to read.