Quick question, I've read this story 3 times and it never says who broke into Tsukune's room when he and Ruby searched it for something left behind.

I felt overwhelmed when I first saw the sheer amount of words and the number of chapters this story has, and was kind of reluctant to start reading it, only to find that I did not enjoy it and waste a lot of my time.
I am glad that I decided to read it anyway, taking me about 2 weeks. It is by far the longest story/fanfiction I have ever read.
The story ended with a good amount of closure, with my only regret not truly finding out what Tsukune became.
Is he just a hybrid? How long will he live? Will it only be him and Moka in a hundred years, with all of his other loves dead of old age? What will happen to Moka if Tsukune has a normal mortal lifespan while she lives a much much longer life as a vampire?

This story was a very tumultous ride for me. There were times when I thought it was the best fanfic, I have ever read and other times, when I nearly quit out of annoyance at some parts of the story.

This is very much subjective, so feel free to ignore it, but here is, what I didn't like about the story:

Tsukune being sworn to Moka, especially towards the end of the story.
I understand, where it comes from and why it exists. It is a justification for them being close while Tsukune is (in terms of money and merits) unworthy of Moka and also helps Moka with her own insecurities and sense of unworthiness.
But it doesn't make much sense after the point, where they leave the Youkai Gakouen. For Tsukune's merits and accomplishments to be his without question, he would have to be his own master, or anyone could always argue that Tsukune's archivements would only be because of Moka, to which most would agree, no matter Moka's claims to the contrary.
At the point of graduation, or at the latest by the time of Tatsu No Kai's defeat, Tsukune is Moka's equal or superior to her in every aspect, except for anchestry. He is more powerful, richer, is better respected by his peers, has equal education, has far more followers, and has an equal or higher title. At that point, Tsukune being Moka's servant seems just ridiculous.
Then there is a character development pov, from which Moka should have released Tsukune from his oath after accepting him as an equal and overcoming her insecurities and fear of being unworthy of him, but also as a sign of repentance for repeatedly abusing that power over him hold it over his other lovers or make decisions for him like allowing Mizore to conceive a child from him without Tsukune's knowledge or permission. Tsukune being sworn to Moka is a symbol for all the bad in their relationship, and therefore should have been undone as part of the natural development of the story.
And then there is the scene in which Moka denies Tsukune any decisions concerning their own marriage ceremony, which is pretty extreme, considering that that should be the most important day of their lives and is completely contrary to the image of walking beside each other on the path of life. As Moka treats Tsukune, he should walk behind her, with Mizore and Kurumu at his side.
Mizore being sworn to Moka is also a sore spot for me. I think, it is understandable that Moka is a complete selfish bitch at the beginning of the story, but holding Mizore to an oath she made because of emotional blackmail and using Tsukune as a bargaining chip to make Mizore into her servant for over a decade something extremely similar to what Moka herself did hundreds of times, that is just inacceptable for any halfway decent person.

The next large issue I have with the story is Tsukune himself. As a character he seems kind of bland. Boring. The character seems to have three parts: A complete inability to say no, wanting to please his women and some idiotic inferiority complex that is understandable in the beginning, but should not be there at the end. For me, that is Tsukune in a nutshell.
Aside from that, Tsukune is annoyingly passive. He has the means (Ruby) to research and do incredible things with magic, which could solve many of his problems, but waits until his problems come to him and he has to deal with them the hard way. He has every opportunity to fight back against the Headmaster (by taking power away from him) or simply refuse some of the requests of the police, especially becoming the poster child for a recruiting campain, a point, at which he has more than enough credentials to quit and open his security firm.
Then there is the whole matter with Inari. Tsukune knows, what she is trying to do, he knows that it will work, he knows it will suck for everyone but Inari, and he does nothing, when he easily could have avoided it by firmly rejecting her and pointing her in another direction.
Also, I understand being forgiving, but if Moka allows Mizore to use him to get a child, giving him away like some kind of broodmare, forgiving her after a half assed apology without so much as any real consequence for her, is really ridiculous.

Then there is Inari. Don't get me wrong, the character is well written and all, and she fits into the story, but, in my opinion, she should never have existed, or just stayed a minor character. The issue I have with Inari is, that, at the point she is introduced, she somewhat takes over. After she becomes a major character, Moka, Kurumu, Mizore, and Ruby seem to stop their character development and their relationships with Tsukune mostly seem to stop developing.
In my, obviously biased opinion, it would have been better to leave out Inari alltogether and let the hole that she leaves be filled by the others.

Tsukune could start becoming a PI much sooner, with Ruby as his second in command, Mizore (without a child) helping him with stakeouts and training others in stealth, Kurumu still becoming an idol, and Moka being a lawyer. Tsukune would start small, but his company would gain fame and recognition due to his work with the police in the cases of Fairy Tail and Tatsu No Kai, at which point, we could watch it grow and there could be a whole arc about Tsukune slowly expanding his company, gaining human and youkai employees and getting them to befriend each other and work together with all the difficulties and intricacies that brings with it.
As characters, Moka would live similarly to the actual story, but slowly let go of her pride and learning to see herself and Tsukune as worthy of each other, hurting Tsukune a few times in the process, but finally, she would release him from his oath and truly accept him as an equal.
Mizore would start as Tsukune's partner at work, supporting him with her stealth from the shadows, but also living in her village, taking Tsukune there regularly and getting him used to seeing her house as a home away from all his troubles, where he can relax and is cared for, no matter what. After Tsukune spends enough time there and learns enough about the society of Yuki Onna, he fathers a few children with her.
Kurumu is pretty similar to the actual story, but she would really concentrate on being Tsukune's concubine. She would work on discovering Tsukune's every lust and perversion, and learn how to satisfy them all, doing her utmost to make every minute, Tsukune spends with her a happy memory, be it about tasty food, good conversation, or incredible sex.
Ruby would see, how much Tsukune tries to please all of his girls and decide that this is not, what a slave should be. She would work hard to change Tsukune's perception of her, slowly getting him to a point, where he accepts her as someone who exists to make his life easier. She works on milestones in their relationship, like Tsukune calling her a slave, Tsukune ceasing to be considerate to her, Tsukune punishing her, Tsukune using her to vent his anger and frustrations, and finally Tsukune accepting her own perversion.
Together, all the four girls would work on making Tsukune improve his confidence and force him to stop seeing himself as terrible and unworthy.
Of course there is more sex in this version than in the actual story, especially since it displays their relationships. Sex with Moka starts of with her using him for her own pleasure, and slowly changes to an experience that can be called lovemaking. Moka's inability to give fellatio could be a plotpoint, which makes her recognize, that, as a girfriend and lover, she is very selfish, and it becomes something she works to overcome with great difficulty. (The first time she tries, she doesn't even get half way before biting him.)
Sex with Mizore starts off as being about pleasing Tsukune. They try out a bit of variation, but their sex is mostly lovemaking and, over time, guided by Mizore, it starts being more and more about making children, until Tsukune finally decides to give in to Mizore, after which their sex life normalizes to something that is meant to make Tsukune feal good, relaxed, and at home.
Sex with Kurumu is all about being adventurous and her journey to find new lusts and perversions in Tsukune. Kurumu starts off her search by awkwardly asking and trying out possible fetishes, Tsukune could have, but she quickly becomes more adapt and subtle at reading his signs. For Tsukune, every time he has sex with Kurumu, it is like a small adventure, but always exciting and pleasant.
Sex with Ruby starts off as a bit of a chore for Tsukune, since he feels responsible for becoming her lover, but with Ruby's hard work, it becomes a way for Tsukune to relieve anger, stress, and frustration, fulfilling all of Ruby's masochistic lusts in the process.
This paragraph pretty much shows, what I felt, was missing in this story: Focus on the main characters and development of their relationship beyond just becoming lovers.
In this story, it felt like the relationship between Tsukune and one of the girls developed until they get together. Then there is an obligatory sex scene, and then the development of the relationship is finished.

Well, that was a huge wall of text. As I said, that's just my personal opinion. I'm biased, I'm not a writer or anything, so feel free to completely disregard it.
Because in the end, you did a magnificient job, with mostly round characters and very interesting events. Despire the many things I didn't like, there were more that I did like and over all, I had a great time and a lot of fun reading your story.
So thank you for taking the time and making the huge effort to write and upload such a great story.

For all of Moka saying she trusts him, she doesnt trust him at all going by her actions. If she really did trust him than it really shouldnt matter if she doesnt trust other woman as it makes no difference if they are trying to get him if he has no interest.

The only way said woman where a threat was if he wasnt faithful to his girls.

Meh, he was treating her no different to how she was treating him.

Has Mizore and her people never heard of getting there eggs frozen and stored?

Tsukune is just a pussy and dumped all the consequences on Mizore and Kurumu. He was fine and happy and even looking forward to doing it again right up until he got called out on it.

Ok, how stupid is Moka? Claiming Tsukuni is human. He is not human in the slightest and hasnt been since she injected her blood into him.

Come to think of it, the Chairmans experiment is a fail as well the moment Tsukune was given the blood.

I just looked at the number of Chapters on this Fanfict, and holy crap, I have never seen a Fanfict passed the 300 Chapters Mark.
The other 2 Fanficts that passed 200 at least was a Pokemon FanFiction called Ashes of the Past with 230 chapters, and the Super Smash Bros popular FanFiction called The Subspace Emissary Worlds Conquest.
So far I have only read the first chapter and so far I am curious about what else happens now.
A

it took an entire month of reading this and my god was it worth it.

I thoroughly enjoyed your story. I've spent the last few days power reading it. I look forward to reading your story - "GATE: THUS THE WORLD HAS CHANGED." Your writing style is very entertaining and captivating. I look forward to reading more from you.
Well I have to get back to my own story before I start on "Gate" LOL.
I hope you have a great day.
Johnny

,s2qz
l

I agree with meaningless inari is amazing and should be main3

I'd like to post out that this story has 10,000 more words than the longest novel ever published

Im re reading the story again bcuz it wad so great