Please continue this!

Cool

I feel ripped off. Pull this fic from the site until you actually have the Star Wars in it.

Hmmm, it's been such a long time since I last read this... If I remember correctly, there were authors comments inserted in the story. It seems in chapter 1 you removed most of those- kudos to you! The only change to ch 1 I would recommend is removing/changing the phrase 'In another universe' and 'For the purpose of this story...' at the beginning of the second to last, and last paragraph.

Also, for ch1, I'm not sure why the first part is all italicized. Is is section a direct quote from 'the lord of the rings'? If so, you need to cite it. The writing in the italicized portion is very different from the last two paragraphs-I'm not sure which is your own (which is why you need to cite it, even if only leaving a note saying italicized part is from Lord of the Rings book/movie in your pre/post authors notes)... though I am guessing it is the last two paragraphs that are your own composition.

Ch2

I'm not sure why there is a line dividing the quote from the first paragraph... below the quote is fine-it is a good usage of a division. The divide above the quote however, feels unnecessary.

The parentheses containing the 'in the book' comment should be removed.

The sentences regarding Sauron 'not having a physical form and being a creation of thought' contrasting with the description of the 'eye' is awkward.

For all of your chapters, you should separate your authors notes from your story, either by creating a divide (like the one dividing your quote) or by bolding them.

Good job and good luck! Keep up the good work!

Okay, I'm interested.

Keep it up!

Ooh I am so interested. Saruman as a wraith would be scary. I think the chapters shouldbe longer though. Keep writing!

P.S. 'Istari' is plural. 'Istar' is singular.

I hope you continue with this, the chapter snippets so far are well-written and intriguing. I especially liked your description of Sauron, and the change in plot where the orcs don't retreat into the trees is an interesting and believable way to change the story. Also looking forward to the eventual inclusion of Star Wars!

Well, I won't lie, this was shorter than I was expecting. Then again, since I'm the one who hasn't put anything up since New Years Eve of last year, I'm not one to talk.

It makes sense, but it lacks that certain something that Star Wars and the Lord of the Rings always seems to have.

And also, how have you been? Its been a while since we've talked.

Hey!

So, I know absolutely nothing about Star Wars or Lord of the Rings, so I wasn't really following well, lol.

Anyway, you are a good writer. You're obviously good with narrative, which is great. However, the work count is a bit of an issue. In general, I hate word count. It's annoying to have to think about, but I find in necessary to do so. You can try combining events into one chapter, which may help. Your chapter count may be less, but as you progress in the story, I find it gets easier to write more :) You may also try writing more with the dialogue.

Also, I wouldn't suggest adding author's notes inside of the story like, (In the book, the Uruk-hai had cannons, not just bombs). I find it distracts from the story, and it may be better to just put it in the author's note.

All in all, I think you're doing well. Those issues are nothing to stress about. Every author has something (like my awful spelling) to work on. It's no big. Hope I helped in some way!

Hmm, I think that this story shows promise. You picked an interesting and original point of LOTR to diverge from the story, and that's a huge plus over using tired old AUs.

The separators are rather awkward though, since initially I assumed that they were part of the plot. Perhaps if you stuck to a standard line of "This is a separator" and put it in bold, that might make the change in scenes more clear? Also, the A/N about Eowyn's name is another problem. It's great that you sought clarification about the spelling, but it broke the tense mood you were building up.

But overall, good job! I'd love to see what comes next XD

Hi there; I think that you have a really good idea but there are just some things that you can improve. For starters, don't say 'cut scene' every time you change the point of view, it gets corny and makes the story halt to a stop every time.

Another thing, try and add a bit more descriptions to the characters and the surroundings - not too much, don't go overboard and lather the adjectives on but add just enough to adequately describe the setting.

I think that's all for now, keep up the work and never give up!

I strongly suggest you work on transitions. Don't add your own comments to tell us were we are in the story, or any comments at all. Narrate it to us through the characters and their experiences. More detail such as this will help in your transitions.

Hm...not a bad start. It's a bit abrupt, with the battle starting right at the get go, leaving no room for plot development or build up. Without the proper description and mood, the scene can immediately alienate readers. Perhaps you

The idea that history splits is confusing; if it is vital to the story plot, keep it and work more into before continuing. If not, then its unnecessary, cubersome and can be trashed.

Her name is speeled "Eowyn."

What's with this person wishing they were Kaiba? Is it Eowyn thinking to herself, or is it someone else. Either way, make sure you get this across to your audience. It might also be a good idea to italize character thoughts; by doing so, you are able to make a distinction between outward and inward conversations.

By the time you get to Vader, you have crossed over to the Lord of the Rings universe and the Star Wars universe without bridging a gap for the readers. Unless you're trying to suggest that time-space is being to meld these two universes together, this is naturally very distracting.

Ah, you included named a star fleet commander "Vimes" in your story!

My, that was fast! I had no idea that magical rings were so easy to make! If the recipe became public, everyone would be making them!

Last paragraph kinda confusing. Whose thinking these thoughts? Vader, his men on the bridge, who?

Over all, its quite obvious that this is a rushed work, and given your desire to become betareader as quickly as possible, this is understandable. Still, try not to bog up the entire story like this, okay?

Interesting story.