good story,please continue

They story seemed good, for some reason I just could not get into it.

The story line seemed to jump around a little bit that may have been my problem.

Anyways keep up the great work. It is always nice to see a new writer trying a crossover story.

This is unfortunately going to be one of my harsher reviews. Please do not take the comments personally as I recognize I cannot write so you have that over me to start with.

1. Spell check. (Pointed out by several readers early on, please accept such comments as constructive and use them).

2. Grammar check.

3. Proof read. (Pointed out by several readers early on, please accept such comments as constructive and use them).

4. Get a second proof reader.

5. DEVELOP! The little you have given could easily be presented during the opening song of an anime at most within the first 10 minutes.

6. Tomoe vs Tsukino vs Tendo. A. Tomoe vs Tsukino (Pointed out by several readers). I however find no problem. It is stated that the family name is Tendo and her last name is Tendo. Tomoe is the first name given to Soun's brother. This I consider the biggest error. Looking up the name Tomoe, I find that is a given name for FEMALES not males. This means giving a boy the name Tomoe is the equivalent of giving a boy the name Sue in English (thank you Johnny Cash).

7. Using the US dubbed name of Usagi is reasonable. She has been being raised in the US for the last 10 years. Her mother feared being found by Genma so it is reasonable child's name would be changed/anglicized. I would expect with that action the family name would be changed also, especially since according to .com there are only 32 Tendos (some with given name Tendo) listed and only 41 vital records.

8. You do not explain any of the past, especially the Senshi history (Pointed out by several readers early on, please accept such comments as constructive and use them). True the Senshi and the Tendo/Saotome group are not allied yet. Once such an alliance is established a bit of history would be helpful, especially if they recognize the authority of the Moon Princess.

9. I am very confused, who is the Moon Princess. Normally I would say Usagi, but Ranma activated the Moon pen.

10. Please demarcate when you are doing major scene shifts as with paragraph 7 of Chapter 5 (as stored on ,n as your numbering. You called it simply Interlude). You do such shifts quite capriciously. At least add an extra blank line. Something so we do not continue reading and go "WHAT? Where did that come from?"

11. In Interlude 2 you indicate they were under Master Chin for two years but restate it as three years in Interlude 3. That is assuming they did not run away a year earlier than meeting Master Chin and were just traveling incognito. Fanfiction chapter 16 indicates Setsuna could not detect them when together back in the Silver Kingdom but I got the impression that was only after starting the chi training with Master Chin).

12. The 3-way best friendship of Earth Princess, Moon Princess, and homeless/orphan girl that no one knows who/where she comes from? And she turns out she will be the one that controls the Ginzuisho? Please, I am quite sure the royal families would have researched ALL associates to their children. Give a history of who and how of the third child.

14. I realize you are deliberately hiding which girl is the Moon Princess and which is the third girl, never stating if it was Serena or Ranma. In fact I cannot remember you giving the Silver Kingdom names for them, only Sakura in Interlude 4. But we are 20 chapters into the story and Ranma has been prevented from becoming a girl permanently (or so it appears). Actually if the link would lock as a girl, with it linked to his male form it should lock him as a male. (I can just see the next time he gets hit with cold water. 5 seconds in he realizes he is a he and beings doing the No More Girl Again dance - a variant of the They Are Getting Married dance of Soun and Genma.). I realize this is contrary to your stated NO CURE for a Jusenkyo Curse but that particular cure I truly doubt had had been attempted previously.

15. Finally I think you have a good idea for a story and a very good basic story board. Please write the story or maybe turn it over to someone else that can write so they will do the honors.

I hate being mean in my comments but when I see a good idea being butchered by the owner it makes me sad. Please try to fix. Add some meat. Develop your scenes and characters.

cool story

I just want to say, please run a spell check on the chapters? I've found a lot of doubled letters and extra ones minced into the words.

Also, break lines are needed when swapping scenes. Going from Nerima to Juuban without a visible seperation is rather annoying.

Lots of stories have had good plots, great scens and such only to fall apart because they are a wall of text or have terrible spelling and grammar.

Pretty good so far, though it does feel to be a little rushed.

I really liked this story at first. But a lot of your chapters were really way to short. I honestly wish you had lengthen them a more then they are. I also think you should have kept Serna as Moon and had Ranma as Star Sense she seem to be the one that was orphen in the past. I also wish you had let the power combine better with his female half instead of his male half but I do admit that I like how it was able to change to his male half. But it doesn't change how I feel about this story. Also you need to find an editor or a better one there are way to many spelling errors throughout this series that you are writing.

Yay fianlly an update!

Please update soon!

Good to see this continued. Interesting fusion / mixed up AU.

So, Ranma's going to be a male Senshi? Well, that's not terribly exciting, is it?

Nice work! I can't wait to see the next chapter! So did the magic link to his female side, his male side, or both? That part is a bit confusing.

Sincerely,

SSG

Nice work!

Good work!

Nice work on this update!

Nice work! Keep the good work happening.

Nice work!