Awesome please post more!

This is a good story. I look forward to seeing more written.

My only two things is the homonym trouble. :) Leslie fell in a creek, not a creak. Creak is like floorboards.

Also, the title would be 'Does Love Conquer All?' But I'm pretty picky, and the fact that I pointed those things out says that I'm really very happy with this story. I only have those little things to critique. :)

Looking forward to seeing more.

Very bad Grammer. Though good story

Hey, BlueAngel107! Great story so far, but I have some sugestions for you to make it even better. First of all, the plot is great, but it is hard to get into a story when it is filled with spelling and gramatical errors. I would suggest revising it yourself, or asking a friend to do it for you since people tend to overlook their own mistakes. If you don't have anyone to revise it for you, you can always get a beta-reader, or just message it to me, cause I would be happy to revise it for you. :) Also, some of the sentences are oddly phrased, so you may want to look into perfecting your sentence structure. On a good note, the describtions were perfect and I realy felt like I was a part of the scene. I would be careful with accidentaly switching from first and third person, but based on your authors note you already know about that. Well, I look forward to reading the next chapter and I hope you take into concideration what I have writen, I think you have the potential to be a realy great author! Sorry for the long note haha! But, I hope you take the time to accualy read it! Any ways, feel free to message me anytime or to have me review your work :) Thanks for listening!

- Pianoprincess44

This is so good its so sad but truly amazin

Please please pleas update this wonderful

story soon :)

I created an account just to tell you I love this. Please keep writing it!

CC: Your grammar needs a little bit of work, just make sure you don't switch between past and present tense too much.

I love the content though, this is a good story!

Nice to see you updating this story. Keep it up.

you update wiiiiiiiiiiiiijiiiiiii

yes! leslie survived

wooohoooo

awwwww jess feels guilty

he needs to apologise

please

wanna read the next chapter soon

takee care

continue it!

pleasee i want her to survive

so continue it

please!please!please!

continue!

Not a bad start for your first work.

As a general rule, you shouldn't have more than two characters speaking dialogue within the same paragraph because then the readers lose track of who is saying what. That and some punctuation errors (particularly the use of apostrophes or lack thereof) are the main areas that you need to work on.

Within the story itself, it doesn't make sense for Jack to tell Jess that Leslie is dead unless he's sure of it himself; obviously if they're taking her to the Emergency Room with an oxygen mask on her face, she's not, not would her parents or the paramedics let Jack believe she is. I realize you're trying to follow the dialogue from that scene in the movie, which you shouldn't be doing in this particular case. Too many new writers lift the dialogue and other text directly from a movie or book as a crutch or pure laziness. Don't fall into that trap!

Definitely keep writing. You're not going to learn and improve unless you practice and exercise your writing skills.

I really like what you have so far, and can't wait to see more of your own imagination take over the story in the (hopefully) coming chapters.

Just a few things I found:

He smiled as he walked home, replying what had happened today. "That was the greatest time ever." replying - replaying

They spelled it Burke in the story, but that's up to you if you want to change that.

Other than that and a few minor capitalization errors, a great start, and I vote you continue.

Nice start. Definitely continue.