love your story

RUDE BUT OKAY I DIIDN'T UNDERSTAND HALF OF THE SEX LANGUAGE

That was really good and so, so, hot. Just remember to put commas at the end of quotations. eg. "Hi,"

~ MaeKitt

Cute. Thumbs up!

there were some typos in the story, but overall it was nice.

I thought it was cute!

the idea was good but the compromising factor is that Naruto was really abrupt in suddenly wanting Sasuke to 'do him'. There was also the issue of why he didn't even ask Sasuke how it would help him to whistle when they started. It was still pretty good though. But i'm a yaoi fan girl. I'm completely devoted (which means brainwashed)

Haha. That was awesome! I think the sex scene was awesome too! Much better than what I can do. XD Sasuke doesn't love Naruto! -Dramatic music- Holy crap! Cough, teme he is and a teme he always will be. Totally cool one-shot. d.b

Personally I think the sex scene needs more foreplay and maybe some oral. Other than that(also I was confused on how he whistled with sasuke's fingers. explain that please?) I liked it.

i like the sex scene

ha5x nice lesson sasuke!

~Feedback time xD~

There are a lot of punctuation errors. Fragments, incomplete sentences, no periods at all. Another easy thing to avoid: Don't just use their names. Naruto is a blonde and Sasuke is (more or less) called 'the raven'. Throw those words in there too because it helps the story all flow together a little better.

The sex was fine. Probably the only thing you COULD add would be a little more detail.

The ending made me smile. As soon as Sasuke said "Blow"...all I could think about was 'that's what he said'. You could've involved Kiba a little more than he was: for instance the look on his face when Sasuke told Naruto to blow his fingers (ahahaha you know what I mean).

The "Love you Sasuke-teme" was really out of place. I wasn't expecting that. And the fact that Sasuke didn't reciprocate was weird too.

But then again, this is all just my opinion!

-Zevllyn