Just ran across this story, and I don't usually like when people try to write the Goth Kids, but I think you did a really good job with this one.

If I had to nitpick one thing that bugged me (cause I can't ever just give positive criticism, it makes me feel like a kiss-ass), I'd change the destination from LA to San Francisco... the latter is much more well known for those kinds of parties, so much that for those of us who live in Cali, our running joke is to say the name with a lisp.

Down down down they went, burning themselves a little bit in my heart, an ending i can never forget.

Because at the same time as tragic it was a great way to go having the one you love with you right on your lap.

Great story, fantastic ending.

Wow... Stan was a little crazy there... Red brakes up with him, for a good reason I might add, and Stan kills them both, and the other driver too, in a firery car accident. An INTENTIONAL firery car accident. Really good as usual though.

Wow, I've never read a red goth and stan story. It was nciely written, never would've thought Red goth would actually admit his feelings D: and the gas station part funny :)

perfect one of the best fics i read in awhile :)

That was definitely one of the most amazing bits of writing I've ever read. The buildup, the emotion, the characterization, everything was so dead-on. I'm in love with this story, it's written so well and hits so hard. Thanks for such an awesome read.

Amazing(: Since the first sentence, I thought of this as something like Stephen King or a thriller, and it definitely did not let me down!

This is so sad, and so amazingly well written. I almost wish there was a sequel, but I like that you left it alone for the reader to make their own assumptions on whether or not Stan went with it or swerved out of the way in time. Either way, Im looking forward to future works from you, epsecially if it involves this couple or just Red Goth. Hes one of my favorite characters. :)

I’m writing this as I go along.

Very, very first thought: Why does Stan own such an old-man car? Interesting. I take it to mean something about his character. As I read, let’s see how that plays out.

Ah, and the car has a name, too. And, surprisingly, the radio has a mute button. In my car, they’d just be turning the stereo on and off. That would make a particularly strong symbolism, right? So I wonder if you chose a mute button on purpose. Eh, I’m probably reading too much into it. In any case, I get that the car has been through a lot – and so have its passengers.

Oh, they’re going to LA. I love that! A very superficial destination for a couple between whom things seem to run fairly deep. I like Red’s caustic tone, too. He sounds like he has a good grip on reality. He’s dramatic, but he doesn’t seem melodramatic. Not sure why he insists on driving to LA with someone he just dumped, or why Stan would put up with it. But this is striking: “Two hopeless people are sad. But two hopeless people together? That's just tragic." Totally sad-sack thing to say. I buy it.

Okay, this is kind of ironic. I’ve always wanted to write an “Angels in America”/South Park crossover story — and cast Stan as Prior. (I don’t think Red even figured in my adaptation. I wouldn’t know what to do with him.) And I like that this accusation of not watching the film comes out of nowhere, as if Stan’s been nursing resentment over it for quite some time. That said, I don’t know if Stan’s comparison of Prior to Red is really apt. Prior cares about everyone. He’s the main character, and he’s dying of AIDS, so he’s certainly a brooding drama queen. But he holds a certain regard for humanity that seems totally true. He returns the book of “stop moving” to heaven because he understands that people grow, and moreover, he finally realizes that people grow apart. Maybe Red is more like a Louis? Or a Joe? I mean, Stan is accusing him of suppressing everything. And Red seems to think no one in the universe cares. That kind of self-pity is pretty Louis.

(Okay, sorry. Enough Kushner.)

Oh my god, and a Dan Savage reference! (Although I think GGG usually applies mostly to sex. Speaking of, this is a fairly unerotic story. So far.)

This is so stealthily Stan/Kyle, isn’t it? That makes the shipper in me so happy. This entire passage, though, just makes me wonder why Stan and Red are putting themselves through this hell.

I fail to understand why Stan is so popular if he cries during blow jobs.

Also, allow me to say that while I was road tripping last month, I bought some gay porn – Playgirl – at a gas station. I think people who work at gas stations are so numb, they barely register what they’re ringing up.

Finally: I find it hard to believe that the oncoming truck wouldn’t have run itself off the road, or at least hit the breaks.

Overall, I like this. It’s got a great, very specific mood. I can feel the drive, the feeling of coasting through on some two-lane highway, wondering if you’re entirely alone in the world. I don’t buy that not a single car is driving in the opposite direction for hours on end, but you lampshade this well enough, improbable as it seems.

I get that there is a richness in these characters’ relationship. I think Red is exceptionally well-characterized; Stan rings a little hollow. He’s so sentimental and haughty, and it turns out he’s also an adulterer. I can buy that, but I’m not sure that I really get his motivation. He just wanted to sleep with Kyle, I guess, but — I don’t know.

This may be totally off, and feel free to tell me if it is. I am getting the idea that maybe, just maybe, all of the things that Stan accuses Red of being are actually traits of Stan’s. It seems, in the end, that Red is the one who feels things deeply, who’s connected with the world and other people. He’s the one we get glimpses of interacting with Kyle, and the guy he buys porn from at the gas station. (Also, and this is the wrong time to insert this, but it just occurred to me — it feels very spousal that Stan drives, and Red rides shotgun.)

I enjoyed reading this. It was very dialogue-heavy, and very light on exposition, considering. (Who are these people? How’d they get together? How old are they now? Why are they going to LA? Why are they bothering to follow through on that if the first thing Red did on the trip is dump Stan’s ass?) But somehow, despite wondering these things, it’s a story that feels very compact and solid to me.

I hope you write more soon!

'Elitism'

Because sometimes, the best way to say it is to just say it. You've been around the block, and have always tried to improve the best you could. But like a girl with mom's makeup set, you went overboard.

Your words are forged to impress more than carrying the story. Your idiom skills are A, and you are rightfully proud of them. But as much as we enjoy a good writer with a good vocabulary, there can always be 'too much of a good thing'. (Purple prose and polysyllables being the 'good thing') You overemulate your idols, and because of this your readers are browsing away from what would otherwise be a great story.

Don't mind me if i'm wrong. I mean, what's one more person's opinion, right? But because all writers like reviews and you seem eager to improve, I hope this will at the very least be food for thought.

lol that was funny but sad. I woner, did they die? or did he get them out of the way in time? loved it