I watched little ashes yesterday and my heart aches and this kills me even more

Congrats for being the only person to write about Federico and Salvador.

I loved the plot, and I can see the scene in the movie. I enjoy reading it (this is the third time I've read it)

I think you have gone into the perfect amount of depth with the characters and I can picture the story in my mind.

Good job.

Rebecca x

first off, big big brownie points for, as far as I can find, the *only* Little Ashes fanfiction on this site! Brava.

A few small critiques (Though at this point, I admit, Id on't even know if you'll read them... 2010... Oops. Anyway, I shall make the attempt anyway.

Being relatively brief: there are a few parts where the punctuation is a bit sketchy - for example:

"Federico smiled, Somehow Salvador always managed to strike a pose even when he didn't intend to. He found this trait endearing."

Oh, dear. First, of course, between 'smiled' and 'Somehow' you could put a period, colon, semi colon, dash... but not a comma. That said, I really think from the caps that this was just a typo. Also, from the sentence structure, it's technically unclear *which* of them finds it endearing... which, with Dali's ego, is possibly accurate. -

... Anyway, a couple of things lke that. I can go into more detail if you like, but not after midnight with faire in the morning. :P

Also, I understand the concept of a short scene, but you are a good writer, and there are several bits that could stand to be expanded. Bits like "The two young men walked across the beach towards the rocky cliffs. Neither of them spoke...etc." are nice, but they have the sound of minimum information filler before you get to the rest of the story (which I guess, in a way, it is). I think you are easily talented enough to flesh out the (lovely) bones here into a fuller scene with more of the ambling beauty that is life.

And... it's late. I hope you read this, but there's not much I can do or say tonight. Good night, and thanks.