Bored, thus I re-read. And I realized I didn't write a review specifically for this chapter, so I might as well do (my last review had basically nothing on this chapter).

A nice provisional ending.

I particularly liked your depiction of Teana. Calculating and adaptable is what I'd expect of a proper enforcer, just like Bazett, and you're the first I see that uses that side of her character (most authors often go for the moe version ). Besides, it brings out a couple of parallelisms between the enforcers of the Mages Association and those of the TSAB; both are essentially the arms and hands of their respective organizations. Funny coincidence there. I do hope to see more of this Teana.

And now that the battle's over it would be time for Hayate's team to go over the recordings and analyse them. And if they have at least two or three neurons in their heads they might as well notice many key-words and bits of info that were said here and there. Like, they'd have to be complete idiots to not notice or suspect a pattern in the names of their foes so far (Lancer, Archer, Berserker and I don't remember if Rider introduced herself as such, but more of the same if she did), which would seem to indicate classes or specializations. Lancer's use of the term 'Noble Phantasm' and his apparent ignorance of devices (together with Rin's and Bazetts' ignorance of them). The seemingly Master-Servant relationship and the Servants, or at least Lancer, not belonging to this time (I wouldn't expect any of the MGLN cast to recognize Lancer's name; I wouldn't expect any Japanese at all to be aware of that legend (except for F/SN fans XD)). Overall, that's quite a lot of info to look into; definitily far from enough to have a complete picture of the situation, but it should have them busy for a time.

As for Rin's magical development. I kind of took in stride. I guess I was expecting her to be able to play on the same level as the forwards, or at least hold them back, but since you direct my attention to it then my opinion is that her current power level is probably adecuate for a Tohosaka in her thirties (thirties?).

About the OCs, I can't say I'm happy about the reduction in their numbers since I was starting to like quite a few of them. In fact, and I dare to say this, I'd rather you drop a few canon characters and replace them with OCs (I don't see any real benefit in taking Caro and Erio out of their veterinary jobs, and I can say the same for a couple of others). I've never had much trouble with OCs, they just need to be properly done IMO; with more background and description you could make them more likable for everyone. Still, I'm relieved Will won't leave the story.

I'm a little afraid of the impact that the 'more populated group Saber finds herself in' will have in the overall narration and POVs, but I guess I can't really say anything without seeing it first.

Looking forward to Fate/Lyrical Crusade.

PS: It happend to me a couple of times that I was fighting a dozen of Deadra in a really exciting battle that decided whether the city fell or survided, or trying to shake off (read, kill'em all) all the animals and monsters that followed me while I was traveling and in the middle of all that adrenaline and hiper-activity, or sometimes simply after finishing a particularly difficult quest just when I was bathing in the feeling of satisfaction for clearing it when suddenly "Stop right there criminal scum!"

... Such a mood killer...

PSS: *Just an our ago I watched the fifht episode of F/Z* OMFG Zero Berkerker is SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO AWESOME! I think I have a new favourite XD hey, how about leaving him mad for the re-write? pretty pretty pliz~! XD

Hehehe! Awesome~! I'm feeling kind of dizzy after the excitment (listening to 'Two Steps From Hell' while reading definitely helped).

I'll admit I was expecting much more cannon fodder, like police and other security/military teams. But it doesn't really matter.

Although I agree with your power balance for most of it, I would like to make a couple of questions.

First is Divine Buster vs Caladbolg. I'm under the impression that, in the Nanoha-verse, sufficiently powerful attacks weaken reality, it's the whole point behind the Arc-en-Ciel after all. Hmm... I was trying to say that Nanoha's spell interfered with Caladbolg's reallity warping, but now that I'm trying to find something about it I can't find anything, so my argument is null. Well, whatever, what I originally wanted to say was that if a Divine Buster (Nanoha's almost standard attack) is in the same level as Caladbolg (an A ranked Broken Phantasm), then, by power escalation, what are the equivalents to Excellion Buster and Starlight Breaker? At best, Starlight Breaker Excalibur, at worst, SB Ea. You'd better find a place to hide if that ever happens, cause fans ain't gonna let you live for long XD Even worst, what's left for Hayate's spells? XD (Heimdall is almost a force of nature by itself) While the exact power levels are up to debate, that fact remains readers won't like it even one bit if you put a simply 'extremely powerful attack' together with an attack that 'can cut through anything' and an attack that 'tears the world apart'. Even though I'm saying this, I don't really know of any simple solutions I can give you. It's a pain trying to compare simple, but powerful, attack with others that not only are powerful but also have some 'concept' behind them.

I'm saying this because between Divine Buster and Starlight Breaker there's a lot of difference in power, but between Caladbolg and Excalibur... I'm not sure if there's that much difference in raw power (sure, Excalibeam rapes Caladbolg, but you get my point... I think).

Second. Why didn't Lancer jump after Signum? Signum already used that tactic against him previously during the fight, he could/should have expected it. Not really important, but it makes him look a bit dumb for not thinking about it. Otherwise, that fight was particularly good.

As for Vita vs Berserker... I've tried to think about power levels and NPs and God's Hand and etc and I found my head hurting XD To make things simple, I think that if Vita CAN'T hurt Berserker, then there's little hope for everyone (for TSAB melee mages, at least).

Here's my personal interpretation of the Wolkenritter, in case it is of any use to you. The Book, or whoever created it, chose its knights by specialties. It's easy to separate them as Defensive Support/Healer (Shamal), Agressive Support/Melee (Zafira), Duelist and Leader (Signum) and the Tank or Damage Dealer(Vita). By this reasoning, if Signum, the Duelist, were physically stronger than Vita, the Damage Dealer, then Vita would lose her reason to exist among the Wolkenritter. It's like this that I conclude that Vita, because of her class, should be the physically strongest char in the whole cast of MSLN, and if SHE can't hurt Berserker then God help them all.

Well... maybe putting her in the Damage Dealer and Tank classes is going a bit overboard XD But she herself says "There's nothing me and Graf Eisen Can't break!", so yeah, if she can't break Berserker's leg, then nobody can. If that qualifies as B Rank or A Rank, I leave that to you :P

Very Very nice chapter. Lancer vs Signum was a joy to read. Don't know why he didn't throw his spear though.

Can't wait for more updates!

In the remake, have fate/zero Lancer be Shirou's servant. I think not only would it be Ideal, but ZeroLancer would pretty much screw over anyone from Nanoha Gang. A spear that not only cancels magic, but also a spear with wounds that cannot heal? Those are epic noble phantasms.

The Signum versus Lancer part where she escaped Gae Bolg was well plaid indeed, I truly thought that you where finally deep in the story enough to be comfortable killing someone off, to kill one of the "big guns" no less was a surprise, you know whit the whole instant kill time/space warping power, but well I was slightly relived as well. On the regard that he can't fly, he could have jump hell knows how high and get the curse of the lance to take the rest, yet I have no problem whit him not as he simply did not expect something like that. Yet next time I believe he would. I know he can use anti army ability by trowing the lance as well with the curse hitting the place it would kill the most, wouldn't that mean the power of instant kill can be overcharged and used by distance quite precisely with one opponent as well?

Rin grown a bit, after all a handful time passed and I like to see what in her antics and not only abilities changed and what is still the same.

For Saber new master I can say that I don't like him that much, actually I don't like any OC that is taking the main role of any fic, but you using Shirou later in the story to have him for the second wave plot he is indeed well placed, yet the one you described, the not good yet not evil just selfish self-interest filled guy, thous kind of characters goes quite sour quite fast and are hated by the readers/watchers much more than bad or good guys. Most will want him killed off if they see to much of him, so far the OC's where quite in the background and I was quite happy with it.

As you are rewriting I wish to ask about Shirou character, as the only time you shown him he was quite a wimp, more than in original even, after all even if he recognized one of the masters does not mean other guys are actually up to any guy and he could have at least bluffed a bit, releasing only her yet while commanding not to kill at least intimidating the others "masters" into talking a bit, it would be no fan if he released someone who wanted to dominate the world with the help pf the grail, while he is in a safe position to deactivate the servants by their command seals.

you did not show much of him so I did not comment about it in that time, yet after hearing that you will rewrite I decided to share my concerns with you.

I did not expect the fight to end this way, with Rin captured no less, but in the end it is the unexpected things happening that makes it interesting to read.

For last is my OLDEST unasked interest for the plot, it is Angra Mainyu a.k.a. Avenger. If the grail is talking, can it be the pour boy that is communicating with them? If the guy is not responsible for manipulations, then will we see him in the story as a servant for the second wave?

Well,hope the best luck with rewriting the story. Hope to hear from you soon.

Heh, pretty good! I really enjoyed this one! Looking forward to the rewrite!

THe fights were solid, and the outcome reasonable. SO no complaints there. A few grammar errors but nothing that stands out. If you send me the rewrites for grammar checking then I'll see what I can do.

THat said, some things I need to point out from your story that you need to consider for the rewrite, some may have been mentioned by others before.

1) I'm not sure which Shirou you're using but remember that whoever you pick will affect his abilities and outlook in life, also affecting the other characters.

2) 2 characters you may want ot include in the rewrite are Waver Velvet, the 4thHGW's Master of Rider, Iskander, who may want to join the war for a chance at meeting his liege again, and Sakura Matou who survives in some routes. (Maybe even Shinji Matou who survived in the UBW movie.)

3) This Gilgamesh of yours came off as seeming to have knowledge of previous Grail Wars, even to knowledge of Saber despite that it should be impossible. (At least that's how it seems. It could have been how you wrote it.)

I hope Fate/Zero spurs your imagination. Forge Ahead!

I hope to see your rewrite, but please do not make this OC/Saber. You will get uber-flamed by many fans, or they'll simply stop reading. In fact, pairings really screw up a story. Try to keep it basic like you have been doing so far. Look, I'm not saying that it can't be done, but saber has always been the crystallization of ideal as her noble phantasm, excalibur suggests. I don't see your character Will living up to be someone Saber can be with let alone deal with.

i enjoyed the fight between lancer and signum. this story got some much needed action in the last 3 chapters. i look forward to rin's interrogation. lots of questions will be asked and lots of lolz will be had when rin and hayate meet.

Hayate: why are you mages attacking the tsab?

rin: your not getting anything out of me!

Hayate/rin: wait what?

Hayate/rin: wtf why do we sound the same?

Lancer vs. Signum

Overall a very good fight, Signum is beginning to understand just how powerful and skilled in combat a Servant is. Signum has noticed plenty of oddities in Lancer’s reactions and fighting style. I am surprised she has not put it together and realized that her opponents are using a completely different magic system than the TSAB and Belka. It also doesn’t seem to have occurred to her that many of her opponents are not mages, though Lancer is technically capable of runic magic.

Nanoha vs. Archer

I would have liked to see this fight. Once upon a time Archer held similar values to Nanoha. It just that Nanoha was in an environment where those ideals proved beneficial to her. In contrast Archer’s ideals cost him time and again, to the point where he is perfectly willing to kill his younger self. Is it fair to assume that Archer got the better of Nanoha since she did not appear at all in this chapter.

Berserker vs. Vita

This was a bit off for me Berserker should come off as monstrous and impossible to beat at least in his first appearance. You are not getting that sense here. I am not sure whether it is a good idea to give Vita an A rank in strength since very few servants are that strong. I would call it a B or B, but let her rank up her attacks depending on how much magic she is using. Besides physical statistics are not as important for TSAB mages as they are for servants.

Teana vs. Rin & Bazett

It should take more than a low powered magical bullet to knock out Bazett, but otherwise pretty good. Unfortunately Nasu-verse magic probably is not as useful in combat as the magic of the TSAB, though Nasu style mages are capable of some pretty weird and freaky stuff. The big problem I had was that neither Rin nor Bazett used their trump cards (jewels and Fragarach).

Rewrite

Looking forward to this. I liked Will Galvin when you introduced him since he was different than Emiya Shirou. Unfortunately he and Saber haven’t really shown up in the past couple chapters. Fortunately the modified character sounds more interesting. Overall, I think you should keep most of the focus on this pair.

It sounds as though you are going to add to the initial group going to Mid-Childa. Consider adding servant Avenger into the mix. He is a fairly interesting character and probably the servant the grail knows best since he was a part of it for so long.

good chapter, good details and fight scenes. As for Gae Bolg, you are correct. It can be completely evaded if you are not in it's range when it's name is called by Lancer. As you said, since Lancer could not fly, he couldn't-wait, couldn't he have leaped after her, to stay in range? He would only have to keep up with her for less than a fraction of a second, since that's all the time he needs to say "Gae Bolg". anyways, keep up the good work!

I double checked the Typemoon wiki, and indeed you are correct; Gae Bolg is ineffective if the target is outside of range when the attack is initiated.

I stopped being able to take this seriously when Signum survived Gae Bolg. I can force myself accept the thing with caladbolg but that's entirely inconsistent with lore. Caladborg rends time and space Gae Bolg reverses causality.

Gae Bolg is insanely broken by nature, if you didn't want to have to deal with it you should have summoned fate zero lancer.

Well written but ah well.

I'm not going to touch berserker getting hurt AT ALL. I feel that shouldn't have happened.

But I'm not the writer so I guess you have the right to ignore cannon.

Yeah i is entirely plausible for Signum to be able to dodge Gae Bolg. What a lo of people forget is that if the spear doesn't hit you then the heart piercing effect doesn't happen. She was well out of the range she would be hit in.

Also, if you're going to follow what happened to Bazett after F/HA then you're going to have to change things for Shirou as well since F/HA follows the HF route. I'm sure you can work things out though.

Looking forward to your rewrite. It should be greatly improved over last time.

can not wait for the rewrite good luck and have fun :)

oh come on, archer havent killed anyone, his fine should be only for assault, thats only 40 golds