You teach so much: there can be a time too early to say I Love You, Je t'aime. It's the truly adult writing of love. These people keep amazing me, which means your writing keeps amazing me.

I'm reading this for the second time. It's probably the best fanfic about this episode I've ever read.

Loved this episode! GREAT JOB!

“"At the very least, I should have done more than just – than just standing there, watching."” And you just know he was terrified and that he had to hate himself for not being able to do anything – more. Poor baby. :’( Always thinking he’s no good.

INEVITABLE QUOTING:
“She sighs, knowing exactly the thoughts that are rushing through his head; thoughts that have been rushing through his head since the moment she was removed from his sight earlier. "Look," she begins softly, refusing to continue until finally, finally their eyes meet. And his blue ones are stormy, reflecting his still-troubled heart. "What did I say to you when I walked away?"
He blinks. "Wh-what?"
"When I walked away from you and let them take me – what did I say to you?" she persists, fully aware now that at some point in this conversation, her palms had found his shoulders – she doesn't draw them away once she realizes. "What did I say?"
The corner of his mouth quirks upward just a tiny bit, but enough to let Kensi know he now knows exactly what she's talking about. For a moment he hesitates, flicking his tongue out to moisten his lips. "'You'll get me back,'" he whispers.
"I knew you would," Kensi replies softly. "I knew you would – I trusted that you would."“ Let’s take a first break here to gush over this. She didn’t *believe* he would – there’s faith in belief, true – she KNEW. There was no doubt. It was pure trust.

She has her arms wrapped around his neck! ! ! Cutest visual ever! “Pausing for a second to let the words sink in, she smiles softly, allowing her arms to loop the rest of the way around his neck. He tenses; they're so close that she can't help but feel it, but relaxes quickly as the conversation carries on – silently, though. Through their eyes, through their very souls.

Before she knows it, Kensi's in a state similar to where she was before Deeks found her. Her heart pounds, every breath is a struggle, and she feels the dizziness start to settle in again, but this time she knows it's not because one wrong move could kill her in a mere second. This time, it's because she's in his arms with her own wrapped around his neck; this time, it's because she can't seem to escape from the ocean of his eyes; this time, it's because every breath she takes delivers his masculine scent to her nose and makes her wish rather abruptly that she could go home to sheets and pillows that carry that same scent deep within the threading.

These are dangerous thoughts, especially for a woman with a strict no second dates rule, but logically even she has to admit that there are two major arguments to that – one, there simply hasn't been a first date, so the rule means nothing in this case anyway, and two, there were never real feelings in any of those infamous first dates. Here…well, it's a different story, and she can deny it all she wants, but at the end of the day, there are feelings, and they've been growing every day since he became a part of their team, her partner – and it's obvious that if Hetty has her way, Deeks isn't leaving them anytime soon. And Kensi is completely okay with that, even if he does press her buttons and get under her skin a good portion of the time – she still can't imagine not having him around.” She wants him to stay forever! He does press her buttons but sometimes he also unbuttons them and she likes! (he also gets inside her skin)

Hug! ! ! ! ! ! ! And he had no choice but to save her because he can’t imagine not having her around either! Aww! “And before either of them can process the motion or even figure out which one of them initiated it, she's in his arms completely, snugly wrapped in his embrace. "I had to, Kens," he replies quietly. "I had no other choice – I had to get you back. I had to."

It might be too much; it might be just a little too far on the other side of that line he knows they can't cross, but at this point, he just doesn't care. He came far too close to losing his partner today; too close to never seeing her smile again, too close to never winning – okay, he relents, mostly losing – another playful verbal sparring match with her. And he'd come far too close to never having this, the feel of her in his arms. Terrified as he'd been before, he never wants to let her go.

So he doesn't care if he crosses the line. Breathing in her scent, he slowly turns his head, nuzzling softly at her temple. "I wasn't going to lose you," he murmurs, pressing his lips to her skin in a tender kiss. "I was not."

The conviction in his words takes her breath away, but it's the tenderness of the kiss that leaves her reeling. Her heart flutters at the sudden yearning she feels deep within, something awakened by the electricity pulsing through her body. And damn it, here in his arms with his lips dancing along her temple, it becomes utterly clear that all of her trusty mental repetition - I am not attracted to him; I'm not; he's annoying, he's arrogant, he's maddening - suddenly means nothing at all because no matter how annoying, arrogant, and maddening he may be, she is attracted to him, and she wants him more than she's ever wanted anyone else before.” Yeah, right, you’re not attracted to him – only your panties are. And she wants him more than she’s ever wanted anyone else before! That should have been the summary of the story! Even though I love the real one.
“And it would be so easy just to turn her head just a little more, so easy to lean into him just a bit more and capture his lips with hers. So easy. It's what she wanted to do earlier; landing on top of him as he'd broken her fall, gazing down at him as his arms encircled her, feeling as the moment seemed to reach into eternity…she'd wanted to kiss him. He'd saved her life and she'd wanted to kiss him. She'd wanted to kiss him before he'd saved her life but the fact that he had only made the desire that much more intense, so intense that she's here in his arms imagining how his lips would feel against hers, how he would taste, whether it would be fast and frantic or slow, much slower, much more thorough. And all she has to do is make that simple move; she has the moment, the perfect moment…

In the end, though, she doesn't.” YOU IDIOT

“In the end, that apparently perfect moment simply passes and either she slips out of his arms or he lets her go – doesn't matter which one, though; all that matters is that she's not in his arms anymore and Kensi doesn't like that. Doesn't like the chill, doesn't like the sudden feeling of emptiness. But what can she do other than stand before him, watching as he mentally collects himself and wondering desperately what's going through his head?” YOU FUCKING IDIOT YOU RUINED THIS STORY DAMMIT THERE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE A KISS, KENSI. SO WHY THE FUCK DID YOU NOT KISS HIM? I HATE YOU KENSI

Quoting even though I’m scared I’m gonna exceed the limit but dammit fuck it I will.
“Reaching out once more, he tenderly brushes his knuckle along her cheek, and even though it appears innocent on the outside, his touch feels so heartachingly intimate to Kensi that she can't help but sigh, wishing he'd simply gather her in his arms again and take her home. Instead, he takes a step back, back toward the doorway. "I'm really, really glad that you're okay," he says quietly, and with one glance she loses herself in his deep blue eyes – errantly she thinks she could maybe fall in love with him just for his eyes alone. "I don't know what I would have done if…if, you know." He pauses, then somehow stumbles through the rest of his words. "You can, you know…give me a call if you need anything, or want anything, or…anything."

Absently Kensi nibbles at her lip, offering little more than a small nod in response. His touch lingers for a moment, just along her jawline and if he'd had a little more courage in the moment, a little less concern for what it would mean for their relationship, he knows he would've kissed her. He knows, because she's standing there, looking nervous and lonely and confused and strong and beautiful all at once, and it kills him to gesture to the doorway before uttering what's clearly a much too casual goodbye. "Night, Kens."

She responds in kind, and then he's on his way out; he's out of her line of sight before she finally finds the words that seem to have eluded her for much of the evening. "Thank you, Deeks."

There's no response, and Kensi can't say for certain whether he'd heard her or not; it only takes a moment though for her to decide that she's had enough uncertainty for one day.

*She needs to know that he knows. That he knows she's grateful not only for today, but for all the other times he's had her back; that she's grateful for the moments they've shared, moments where he's allowed his shell to crack just enough for her to get closer to him. She needs to know that he knows that while he was concerned about getting her out alive today, she was concerned that he would end up hurt. And she needs, desperately needs him to know that she would do the same for him.
And from there, they can only move forward. It's somewhat uncharted territory for both of them, she knows – for him, learning to place his trust in someone other than himself; and for her, somehow harboring feelings that her trusty second date rule should have protected her from, but clearly hasn't.* (this part is highlighted and in bold because it’s the best)

With these thoughts floating around in her head, Kensi realizes there's only one thing to do.
Taking a deep breath, she steadies herself.

And then, without waiting for logic to catch up to desire and convince her of all the reasons why this may be a bad idea, Kensi goes after him.”

AND MAKES LOVE TO HIM UNTIL THE END OF TIME. THE END.

You can just see I am a very organized person because I had already highlighted the parts I wanted to comment on for this story, something like months ago! #yesIwantamedal

Deliverance! But now you gotta write the other version when they kiss! Yes, you must! You know, when she lands on top of him, rather unceremoniously if I may add. :P

“Put Deeks in front of her in a battle of wills and she could stand there motionless forever.”Big fat lies! I’m not sure she’ll stand motionless forever if he snakes his hand beneath lacy things.

“All she can do is stand…stand, and pray that placing her life in her partner's hands was not a mistake. "You'll get me back," she'd said, though at the time she'd been much more certain of that fact than she is now. And the sudden uncertainty has nothing to do with Deeks, but everything to do with her pounding heart, her aching feet, her racing thoughts, thoughts that constantly remind her of the gravity of the situation.”He’ll always get her back! Even when she storms out – waddles – because they don’t have any Twinkies and she really thinks that her giant stomach will fit behind the wheel.

“You're better than this, she tries to convince herself. After all, she's been trained in life-or-death situations; those situations were part of the job description and if Kensi hadn't excelled at her training, she wouldn't be here now, period. She's capable, she's qualified, she's strong…and yet, her body, her strength, everything seems to betray her. She's alone, kept company only by her fear and the invisible beams of light that could end her in merely a second's time.

(…)she feels the damp stickiness on her cheeks as the droplets mingle with stubborn tears that squeeze their way out without her permission. This isn't how it's supposed to end; not that she's given much thought to how it is supposed to end, but Kensi's certain it can't be like this.” She’s crying! :’( She’s terrified! She needs her Marty to come and rescue her because sometimes it’s okay to need a little help!

“If only she knew exactly where the beams of light were…if she knew that, she knows she'd be able to maneuver her way out. At least, she thinks she'd be able to maneuver her way out – she's good at squeezing through small, tight spaces. She just doesn't particularly like to.” Deeks is good at squeezing through small, tight spaces. #stfuimnotfilthyatall

“ And that, the realization that death is literally millimeters away only drives her further into this silent panic that's eating away at her from the inside out. She can't stand here any longer; she can't.

And so she tells him, when he's standing in front of her almost an eternity later, his eyes wide and his voice fearful as he suggests the bomb squad. Just the thought of waiting any longer when he's so close yet so far…she just can't take it. She needs to get out of there now. » She trusts him with her life ! That was risky as fuck, completely insane, but damn she trusts him so what does it matter if they get blown up a little bit?

“So close, but so far…” Sounds like a Disney song! It is! In Enchanted!

“She almost breaks right then. And Deeks, utterly maddening Deeks – he's standing in front of her, calmly guiding her even though she can feel the tension that surrounds him just as it does her. At that moment, she wants nothing more than to get to him.
"Kensi."
His arms are outstretched toward her, his palms expectantly upward. His eyes convey everything his lips cannot say. She knows what's coming; knows what he's asking of her, but if ever there was a time that she trusted Marty Deeks, it's now. It's now, and slowly she's reaching out to him, her trembling hands in his surprisingly steady ones.
"Kensi…"
They've only got one shot at this – one stumble, one hesitation, and it's all over.
"Kensi…"
He keeps calling her name; she's not sure why. Not sure of much at all except that she wants to run right into his arms because at the moment he's the best damn sight she's ever seen and if he gets her out of here…” It’s almost as scary as her nightmares in APTB! She’s so broken and she needs to get to him! She needs him to save her! And he’s so far and so close and omg she’ll be so close very soon too… #nopunintended #truestory

-:-

“and Deeks thinks for a moment that she probably doesn't want anyone to find her. Too bad, he thinks with the slightest smirk. He's here, and he's not going anywhere.” Awww! He’s not going anywhere! Ever! Not if he can prevent it! He’s here to stay!

“"Don't – don't sneak up on me like that," she admonishes, unable to completely conceal the tremble in her voice. It strikes her then as her eyes linger around some arbitrary point on his chest – she's afraid to fully meet his eyes. He'd seen her at her most vulnerable; he'd held her eyes as she'd placed her life in his hands, the greatest amount of trust she could have in someone. His words might have betrayed the depth of his own nervousness, but those crystal blue eyes of his…Kensi hadn't been able to look away. Everything she needed in order to trust him was right there. He might have answered her whispered "Are you sure?" with an uneasy "No," but the answer in his eyes had been a clear, resounding "I'm going to get you out of here, I promise."” OIEDFHVJIZLEFVBJKSDJFBH FEELS! I just love this. I need to insert my crazy comments here because I’ve basically highlighted this entire part because of awesomeness! Everything she needed was in his eyes! Awww!

“She's torn from the memory by the gentle touch of his fingers at her cheek; softly, oh so softly he brushes her hair back from her face, much as he'd done when she'd landed atop him in the wake of the explosion. "Sorry," he replies quietly, and so lost is she in the sudden electricity that floods her at his touch that it takes her a moment to recall just what exactly he's apologizing for.
He offers what he hopes is a reassuring smile, silently wishing that she'll give him one in return – he's certain he still needs the reassurance as much as she does. Almost cautiously, he draws his thumb tenderly over her cheek once more before letting his hand settle once more at her arm – if the subtle brush of his fingers on her skin as he tucked her hair behind her ear was enough to set off sparks within her, then the direct caress is enough to start a blazing fire deep within her. "In my defense, I, uh, called your name about five times." Pausing, he shrugs. "I was…worried."” He touches her cheek! Awww! And he brushes her hair, like he did in the ep and omg that is still one of my favorite moments ever. They’ve just escaped impending death and the guy just brushes her hair off of her face with that tender gaze and omg marry me, Marty. How could she not kiss him then? Idiot.

“Deeks shrugs. "I guess I didn't," he replies, and while the words are characteristically his, stating the clear obvious, his tone is decidedly solemn. "I, uh…I wanted to make sure you were okay."
She knew he was going to ask that, perhaps because it's the question she can't answer. If she lies, she knows he'll see right through her; if she tells the truth…well, problem with that is that she's not entirely sure what the truth is. Physically, she's fine. Perhaps even better than Deeks, she thinks abruptly. Smiling just slightly, she chances a glance upward, catching his eye for a short moment. "I'm not the one who cracked my head on the concrete," she points out quietly.” Aww, he knows her so well, so quickly! She can’t lie to him! And he’s so perfect, so sweet, caring about her, being so concerned when he’s indeed the one who took the full blow. He needs a little massage and a hug!

“He smiles then, and even though it's only the ghost of a smile, it still makes Kensi feel somewhat lighter inside. "On a scale from taking a beating from the ringleader of a human trafficking ring, to pepper spray? I'd say this falls somewhere in the middle," he quips, prompting Kensi to roll her eyes. "So I'm fine."

"Only you would rank the pepper spray as the most painful," she retorts with a slight grin. "Only you, Deeks."” AND THAT’S WHY YOU LOVE HIM, KIKI! Because he’s one in a million!

“Truth is, he's been avoiding the moment he has to go home. Normally, compartmentalizing isn't a problem for him – to be skilled at the depth of the undercover work he's done, he has to be good at it. He can't afford to carry anything with him from one alias to the next, and he's been doing this long enough that it's almost second nature to him. Except, apparently, when it comes to this. When it comes to Kensi.” Because he loves her! And she’s the best partner he’s ever had even if she’s homicidally crazy and stuff. Nothing could make him stop caring.

“Exhaling heavily, he allows his hand to find its way back to Kensi's arm before he delves into the reason for his unease. Callen had claimed the operation, thereby claiming the fault for it, but to Deeks, those had merely been words. Callen wasn't the one with her in the car. Callen wasn't the one who stood by and watched as Kensi offered herself to them. Callen wasn't the one left helpless next to a car with blown-out tires while the criminals sped away with Kensi in their clutches.

The sound of his name breaks into his thoughts; it's questioning, but not at all pushy and Deeks knows that if he doesn't say what he needs to say, it's going to haunt him. He's already lost one partner; he's not okay with the thought of losing another, and he'll be damned if he lets it be Kensi.” He feels so guilty. :’( But he saved her, that’s all that matters! He won’t ever let her become another Traynor. He’d die before letting that happen.

This is beautiful, just beautiful. I love the emotions they both have here and the words they say and the words they DON'T say and when he pressed a kiss to her temple I nearly came undone. Wonderful job showing them trusting each other and knowing that they had each others backs while at the same time, highlighting the undercurrents between them. You truly do get these two characters and their relationship.

I seriously don't know what else I can't tell you that I haven't told you on my other reviews...

You just really capture Deeks and Kensi's characters and you make them feel so real...it's outstanding.

Another excellent fic! :)

Great tag! Love that you gave us both of their thoughts. Nicelywritten.

where's part 2? I need to know what happens next!

"And from there, they can only move forward. " 3 3
Awwww! What a beautiful masterpiece you wrote here, Jess. So emotional, so insightful and so sweet and tender at the same time! While I was reading it, I felt like some kind of peace. I kept hearing that calm NCISLA score, the one it plays in the end of some episodes, I don't know why, but that's what I kept hearing in my head while Deeks and Kensi were talking. Like this was the last scene of an NCISLA episode, the perfect ending for the show. If only... ;)
You just continue to amaze me with the way you understand this characters, with your ability to make them yours. The way you can go inside their heads and capture their intimate thoughts it's just... marvelous! Gives a whole new world for them, a lot of revelations that would be impossible to get on the show. Like I said before, you're really brilliant, Jess. Just brilliant :)
What else can I say besides that I love it all? I loved the way you showed Kensi's vulnerability when she was trapped in that room full of lasers, reminding us that she's not 'SuperWoman' and she's just human, after all. You really described brilliantly the way she was feeling while she was standing there, alone, helpless, and terrified. The show failed to show us that, her emotions, but you certainly didn't.
And the whole conversation with Deeks & Kensi was just so sweet and tender. The way they needed so much to get out those feeling and emotions, but they couldn't at the same time. So you just let them talk with their eyes, their hearts, and let those sweet gestures and touches spoke what they couldn't/ can't verbalize it yet. That was just perfect!
Everything!
I'm just awww. Love Love Love it ;)

Yeah, it probably was not the best of ideas for me to read these in order and back to back, because HOLY INADEQUACY ISSUES, BATMAN. Holy Hetty, mother of the known universe, EXPLAIN TO ME THIS SORCERY, JESSICA WHOSE MIDDLE NAME IS ALBUS. Like, seriously. I am so flaily and moved and shaking and UGGGGHHHH I keep messing up my typing because my excitement is too much for Emily the iPad to handle. That entire first section, from soup to nuts (no, I don't know why nuts are given after a meal unless they're on a sundae, but that's not important right now, PAY ATTENTION TO THE PSYCHOSIS YOU'VE PUT ME IN, YOUNG LADY), is just RIDICULOUS with its amazingness. We're so used to seeing infallible, unshakeable Kensi Blye, and here her questions of whether or not she was ever intended to be traded back or if she was just collateral damage are so very true and so very, very human. You understand not only her but the human condition; anyone would have those though, but the fact that you portray them through HER is doubly poignant and resounding.

(Can we also talk about how you don't have her say 'I'm fine,' a la "The Job"? ARE YOU PSYCHIC? OR POSSIBLY DAVE KALSTEIN? I can't. I just can't. Nope. Here lies Effie, dead from the Jess.)

And again you bring in that so very important matter of trust, and this time it's Deeks who doubts, and just as in your other pieces, it just makes so much heartbreaking sense. You portray his vulnerability and fear so perceptively and perfectly that I honestly want to reach through the screen and hug him. And then possibly touch Kensi in the no-no places, but we're not going to discuss that in public, because we pretend to be ladies. Again, it's this beautiful sort of intimacy, and one I think is better than any M-rated story anyone could come up with. There's a depth there, a devotion, and a promise as palpable as the longing, and I just think it means so much more here. It really is beautiful and to me, the definition of love; it's as much about getting up in the aftermath as it is going to the fight in the first place. (And yes, I know I'm mixing my metaphors. I'm a rebel, yo.)

Also, how you have her respond to his little temple kiss? OH MY GOD WITH THE PERFECTION. It WOULD be ao easy, but then it wouldn't be them, and you GET that. It's ridiculous and I just want to buy that whole interaction a drink, take it home with me and do unspeakable things to it. It's just...YES, YES AND MORE YES.

"She knew he was going to ask that, perhaps because it's the question she
can't answer. If she lies, she knows he'll see right through her; if she tells the truth…well, problem with that is that she's not entirely sure what the truth is. " I hereby order you to cease and desist with the perfection, because of reasons.

"It might be too much; it might be just a little too far on the other side of that line he knows they can't cross, but at this point, he just doesn't care. He came far too close to losing his partner today; too close to never seeing her smile again, too close to never winning – okay, he relents, mostly losing – another playful verbal sparring match with her. And he'd come far too close to never having this, the feel of her in his arms. Terrified as he'd been before, he never wants to let her go." CALL 911 AND FIND ME SOME ASPIRIN, MY FEELINGS ARE ON OVERLOAD.

I'd legit run around the house were there not a guy with a chainsaw cleaning up the trees that crushed our backyard earlier this week, because again, though I've read this - and all your stuff enough times that you should take out a restraining order against me - I never cease to be amazed by the emotion and insight you portray. They are the same characters, but you somehow have this ability to write them uniquely and beautifully every. Single. Time. Dayum, Albus. Dayum.

I totally love that you can give your take on a perfect, emotional episode between those two, and make it better for me when I watch the episode again. Because when I do, I see this happen in my head at the end; those thoughts going on inside Deeks', those conflicted feelings Kensi has.

Nice job!

Wonderful piece. I do remember this episode, though not its name. The 2 parter. I did always wonder what went through Deeks' head when Kensi was taken by those guys so its nice to finally read a piece on that, as well written as yours.

I loved this week's episode, the scene in the nightclub where she says I am so your type' without realizing it.

Keep writing :) I love Densi