Ouuu David is finally introduced!

I love the name Sage!

loving this story, especially loving the sing song David does Freddy Krugar style in this chapter! Lol great stuff :-)

Are u goin to keep the story going? I really like it!

awesome!:)

o_o
My god this female character is unlikable.
She is emotionally unstable (physically attacking her mother and "Zack"), uses people to get to other people (we call them 'sociopaths'), and even though she knew David would go after Blade if she did stuff with him, she did it anyway!
Grah! This girl asked for whatever happens to her.

Love this! Update soon! Please please please update soon! Its been forever!:)) hopeing for david romance in the future:D

Thanks updating :)

haha DIE BLADE DIE!

I kinda like story, but at the same time, there are many things wrong with it.

Did you ever find someone to beta read for you? I only ask because some of the grammar you use is quite hard to follow. I mean, you shouldn't really have one long continuous sentence with no breaks in it, because it really makes it harder for people to read.

Secondly, and I hate to say this, but Sage is a really difficult character for me to like. I don't really understand her at all.

I don't really like how you've written the boys either. I don't think in all honesty that even if they were to fall in love with someone, they would call them love. It would probably be something that fit around that kind of time and place, like 'babe' or 'sweetheart', but if that's how you like to write them that's how you're going to write them.

Please don't think of this as a 'flame'. It's not a flame. It's just some good old fashioned constructive criticism because I feel that deep down there is a good writer in there somewhere. I think you need to re-read your stuff before posting and possibly spend a bit more time correcting errors and the such. Anyway, I will be reading this story to the end only because I want to see what happens to David.

thankyou thankyou so much for updating i loved this chapter i cant wait for the next chapter where she meets up with the guys so please update soon

love kittykat6625

This is really good! Plz continue!

i love this story so much i love bunny shes funny please update soon

love kittykat6625

Someone needs to update ;)

While I did slightly enjoy reading your fic, I think it may have been better suited as an original story. The characters when contrasted with their LB counterparts were entirely out character. There are an immense amount of grammatical and spelling errors, which with a beta reader can be fixed.

Sage is a Mary Sue. I'm sorry. I had to say it. She needs some sort of crippling character flaw because her whore of a mother does not effect the story enough to be considered one. Her perfect body can not be made up for with her spit fire attitude, which she finds no issue with.

There were a bunch of things that did not make much sense. For example, when she jumps off of the bridge and is greeted by the cloaked figures. I still don't quite get that part.

I found the plot of the story to be very interesting up until chapter eight, at which point it quickly follows Sage off of the bridge, but unlike Sage does not survive. I don't think Bunny was necessary to the story in any way shape or form. She was a hollow character whose only contribution was semi-comic relief from the very drawn out inner monologue of Sage.

Sage's actions were not logical. Even if 'love' was involved. She watched David kill her friend right in-front of her, but goes on to attend a masquerade ball with him and contemplate eternity at his side. River/Rain warned her about the boys, but she goes right on and picks a fight with them. Then there is always the popsicle stick crucifix... Oh my...

Your story is savable, but it will take some help. Some major tweaks and some duct tape should do the trick, but it will all the better because of it.