The 150 members was the number they had in the 24th century. I think at this time frame it was closer around 30 and increase to 50-60 by the movies.

Chapter 2

to catolg Exploding Stars

[catalog exploding stars]

crew members were exercising on the equipment

[Gasp! People exercising in a gym! I think that this goes unsaid, unless something is particularly unusual about the situation. If Checkhov was running through a Tai Chi kata, that would not be expected and should be mentioned. Random Crewman #6 walking out the door…probably not a detail your audience needs to see. If it’s important: say it, if it’s not: reconsider mention. That’s the “law of conservation of detail”]

pulling weights per the orders of Dr. Mccoy.

[1: McCoy. 2: unless you’re in physical therapy or are in some sort of ordered regimen, I don’t see why he’d be exercising under the auspices of the doctor. They know each other as friends and might be exercising at the same time, sure (or chatting as one is coming and the other leaving the gym)]

He quickly got tired

[You’ve never seen the original series, have you? One of the major traits that Kirk exhibited was tenacity and endurance]

Kirk at this point was a little bit upset at this remark

[I know they’ve joked with each other, so the dialog given might work, but the narrative blocking does not match their characters]

I've seen you eat a entire plate of food in less than five minutes

[1: an. 2: so what? Lots of people can eat a plate of food in less than five minutes. The plate may be small. The person may be hungry. A single incidence does not tend to define a person. However, if he was habitually eating a lot and never exercising, that might be plausible. More likely he’s been busy with administration duties and has cut down on his gym and other leisure activities and he’s trying to get back into them now]

full of Fried chicken

[Your capitalization is rather…random in this sentence. Is he referring to unique instances of those objects? No? Then there’s no need to capitalize]

not even the bones were edible

[Are you saying that there is a manner of eating that would make the bones edible?]

and dumped it into his mouth

[Kirk has done some odd things, but this looks either gross or uncouth in a manner that runs strongly counter to his character]

instead of exploding, it changed into a black hole

[Black holes and wormholes can exist together in two contexts: PhD physics papers (they’re still trying to figure out both), and Galaxy Quest, which is a parody on lots of things. I don’t know if you know nothing about stars, but they don’t just spontaneously combust into a black hole. Even their most destructive events terminating in what some astrophysicists call a “brown dwarf” take thousands of years. It’s more likely for a rogue wormhole (think like a “rogue wave”, except in space instead of the ocean) to suddenly open, swallow the Enterprise, then vanish]

this was going to be trouble, trouble with a capital T

[You can get away with a line like this if you’re Robert Preston playing Harold Hill. Not in a serious work of fiction]

replied Captain Kirk

[How’d he know? Last mentioned, he was in the gym and nobody’s been mentioned to have called the event down to him]

like a Time displacement

[That’s not a gravity wave]

navigational charts are unable to give specific coordinates on the object

[That’s because navigation charts are library entries. The ships SENSORS should be what is or isn’t able to pinpoint the phenomena]

Unknown sir."

[That’s a lot of unknowns, and it’s starting to get old. At least we get periods to close the dialog, now, you were forgetting]

there's a Displacement wave

[Again with the weird capitalization. The name’s as good as any, I suppose, just not one for a black hole]

Lt. Uhura, put it on Viewer

[Uhura is the communications officer, not the science or “conn” officer. You’d want either Spock or, more likely, Checkhov or Sulu]

a wave of energy coming

[Why is this so shocking when they detected and announced it before?]

full reverse as we need to be far away

[Awkward sentence, and definitely not Kirk’s speech pattern]

move it's engines

[“it’s” is the contraction “it is”. “its” is the possessive]

Intating Gravition Field."

[I’d ask how, but the capitalization is distracting. And Star Trek ships seem to work by magic half the time, anyway]

and the console was sparking everywhere

[There is more than one console on the bridge. Although I grant that they all seem to be built with thermite, for some reason]

Sulu and Chekov were suffering post second degree burns

[So passive…must…resist…urge…to…leave and play Dynasty Warriors]

In Scotty's engine's

[But not the ship’s engines?]

Then, as if the ship didn't like the remark, a circuit blew up in Scotty's face

[If you were writing a parody this is a success. Otherwise, I’m not so sure]

Enterprise slowly drifted into

[Or you could just say that it passed inside and skip the awkward business of the speed and trying to make it seem fast again]

this is where they come in

[This paragraph was wholly unnecessary, but this segment itself was definitely the most jarring to narrative continuity. It’s like breaking the Fourth Wall, but not as funny as when Deadpool does it]

from wherever they were

[While this could be made to work, as it is it pushes the audience out of the story. The rest of the paragraph has the same problem]

in the middle of the arena

[So the next spoken line is: Round one…fight!]

I suggest that you start a boarding party

[Not take care of the immediately maimed people and likely critically damaged structures all around them? Watch Star Wars Episode 2. I don’t care if you don’t like it, the crash of the Invisible Hand is what a real space ship crash might look like. I can’t think of any other media that portray the destructive potential of a ship crashing as well as that]

I’m not sure about where the Code Geass people all are (I would recommend checking back into the series to reconfirm a few details, though you seem to have most of that world relatively well in hand). However, I’m rather certain based on mischaracterizations and details of the ship and crew that you’ve never seen Star Trek’s original series (or you haven't seen it in a long time and your co-writer has never seen it). If you haven’t, put this story on Hiatus and either don’t ever touch it again or watch at least a season of it. The series isn’t that hard to come across – borrow it from a friend, rent it on Netflix, or watch it on the internet (you can view the whole thing if you’re willing to look farther than the mess that is YouTube).

An audience can handle a well-written crossover even if they’re not familiar with both series – check out The Titans and the Lost Boy by Lathis if you’re familiar with one or both of the fandoms to find out. A story cannot be well written if the author is not familiar with the subject matter – especially important things like half of the cast. Would Michael Crichton’s “Andromeda Strain” have made any sense if he didn’t have a doctor’s background to put into it? Almost certainly no. By the same token, a writer can’t do justice to a series (s)he’s never seen. Make sure you have a firm foundation before you take on an ambitious project, in a co-authored project I still say that both need to be very familiar with the two fandoms, so take a break to review and refresh. When you come back, I’d suggest you finish your chapter(s) and then leave them alone for a while (maybe a couple days) so you can come back and read over them from a relatively fresh perspective. Use that to make sure you’re using engaging, concrete, relevant details and that there aren’t any holes in the narrative. Numerous areas felt weak because there wasn’t enough to ground us or the information just felt too implausible and/or “convenient” (starblack holetime wave).

And most importantly: work on your grammar. This story was unpleasant to read, and if your profile is correct and English isn't your second language you don't have an excuse for grammar that is this haphazard. Remember that your writing reflects on you, so make it the best it can be before you post it.

all Affaltions is

[affiliations are?]

it would be against them in a way that the public wouldn't see

[This is vague, and the series does a fair job of implying that the reason against is that accepting this handout from Britannia is acknowledging their authority and settling for less than the independence of Japan]

come up with something!" he said,

[The last identified person is Ohgi. The speech pattern clearly isn’t him, but your grammar says it is. It’s good that you broke to a new paragraph for this new character, but when you have multiple characters dialoging in a scene you need to identify them by something better than “he said”. Unless there’s only one man and one woman, because ‘he’ could only refer to one of those parties]

He looked over at Euphie, who was looking out

[Repetition of “look”, and ambiguous meaning. Either clarify how he’s looking at Euphie or, even better, give some more/better detail on what/how Euphemia is looking out/at what]

waiting for her Lelouch to come in his Zero form

[I’m pretty sure she didn’t *know* he was Zero until they met. She suspected maybe, but this seems too certain. If they explained this in the manga I don’t know it – I don’t have access to any of its manga (and the anime came first anyway)]

A giant vibration was put throughout the sky

[That’s an extremely awkward and rather passive way to describe the a shockwave. I’d think even a wormhole would create a shockwave, although if it opens into space it might be unnoticeable cosmic radiation and then a vortex as earth’s atmosphere is sucked into the two-way hole in space]

stage for the zone

[Stage for the zone’s announcement ceremony, more accurately]

"Yeah, I'm fine

[Falling from some odd five meters up? I doubt it. Of course, he might have gotten lucky and have only sprained a few joints instead of shattered bones or broken his neck]

"No! This isn't me

[I know this is possibly a quibble, but he has a slightly more distinctive and commanding speech pattern when his Zero persona, so I think he might more say “this isn’t mine”. I was actually expecting him to accuse them of pulling some surprise. He was strangely prepared for the massacre, so he must have been expecting trouble]

more susprised than

[surprised, I believe]

and something was coming through it, something that looked like a ship

[This is so passive and awkwardly put, before the sentence was done I was looking for something else. It’s boring of a sort that pushes your audience out – not an author’s goal. Firstly: the sentence is a run-on. There is only a certain amount of things a sentence can do before it gets awkward – like a shipping tanker overfilled. There are fewer things a sentence can do and run optimally. Split up this sentence and give more detail and focus to each of the things happening. Wormholes are iffy things (some physicists contest whether they actually exist), but besides the one in Star Trek’s Deep Space 9 (ripping off Babylon 5 shamelessly) most are a flash of light and then the object is through. This isn’t a bad idea because it firmly puts the focus on the new thing that came through the wormhole, which usually is the more important item storywise. So describe the ship in terms that the Code Geass folks would probably see it as (just saying “the starship enterprise” is inexcusably lazy, besides not specifying WHICH one)]

out of control and unable to properly land

[Most space ships are traveling at speeds closer to megameters per hour than kilometers, but even if comes out relatively motionless it suddenly goes from stability in a vacuum and probably away from gravitational influence to deep inside earth’s atmosphere and so far within its gravity that it’s going to touch down (gratuitous property damage assured). If it lands anywhere near that stadium, it’s going to cause a lot of fatalities. If it lands anywhere else in the city, it’s still going to cause a lot of deaths. That what big hunks of metal, rock, or other solid matter do when the smash into populated areas]

running and abandoning the area

[Repetition]

which was a smart move, seeing that was where

[According to your summary, the ship crashes into Britannia’s Tokyo Settlement. That’s pretty far away from the location of the Japanese zone – I don’t believe it’s explicitly stated in canon, but think about it: a massive show of the Black Knights and Britannia’s heavily-garrisoned sector DOESN’T blast them away like it did in-between seasons and almost did in R2? That being said, the ship would probably streak through the sky and terrify everybody below before it vanished over the horizon]

For the love of anything, please work on your grammar!

Instead of "like a time displacement", consider "similar to a time displacement"

After all, this is Mister Spock.

I liked it! I thought that dialog was pretty good and I can't wait to see what happens next

I have never heard of Code Geass, but your second half about the Enterprise crash landing in Japan sounds intriguing. I will be glad to help with spelling and grammar too.

In battle LA the Aliens invade us for our water. Our water powered there ships and other things.

Enterprise technology alone will not also be the center of contention, the crew and the very Idea of an alternate reality, alternate history will be an eye opener.

Consider this; the world of Code Geass is the world where the governing belief of the strong rules over the weak where society is divided by two factions, ‘commoners’ and ‘nobility’ and this is what really limits them.

Consider this: the world of Star Trek where before the devastating World War III happens, the concept of Equality, Liberty and Justice for all, shape the world and fought on by people to makes it a Reality. After the WWIII and First Contact, Equality, Liberty and Justice for all became one of the sacred pillars of Earth society which help them reach the stars.

The two sides of the Geass society will see this as both ‘Hope’ and ‘Threat’ a big threat to the Royals and Nobility because the ST world has done away with that archaic form of government. Britannia’s royalty will probably try and suppress them or kill them while they reap the reward of reverse engineering the Enterprise’s technology.

Kirk’s ship is disabled, his crew injured and in the mercy of Britannia’s forces in Japan. Their only hope (as much as I loathe it) is with Zero help if he can get Kirk and his crew and ship away from the Britannians and to safety.

Curious about the Star Wars part though, not sure how you fit that in

Okay... the basic idea of "Code Geass" meets "Star Trek" is still one that I believe deserves merrit. Unfortunately, your stated lack of familiarity with "ST" continues to shine through...

First of all, I'm not really hearing Dr. McCoy in the dialogue given to him, especially in the latest story. If you're more familar with "M*A*S*H" than "Star Trek", than think Colonel Potter, only not in charge, when writing him.

Secondly, the discourse by C4 on the Federation to Cornelia... it would have been better to show the reaction to it rather that print all that he says. Crossovers work better when the writer assumes that the audience already pretty much know who is who, and only delves into specifics of some fiddly detail that may prove of interest or useful. As it stands, it feels like you're writing all this in to remind yourself of what the Federation and Starfleet is later in the story.

Third and finally, Spock has gone missing from the story. Now, this is going to sound really harsh, and I'm sorry for being so, but if you're planning to write Spock out of the story, you might as well officially list this series as on hiatus, and just forget about it. I'm not exagerrating in the least when I say that Spock is a _very_ major character in "Star Trek" - along with Kirk and McCoy forms the Holy Triumvirate of the series - so you you cannot not have him in the story. As it is, crossovers die quickly when the lead character of one of the used series becomes simply a background character to the other series' characters (I've seen this happen in "CG" fanfics before, sadly), and doing this to Spock will kill a lot of the audience that you are going for.

Now, if you need pointers on how to portray Spock, here's two good examples of characters currently on TV that you can use as examples. Think Sheldon from "Big Bang Theory", but slightly less pedantic, and without _any_ of the maniacally overblown sense of superiority and importance. Another character to look at is Dr. Brennan on Fox's "Bones", but without the weird anti-religious slant... Spock's people are tactile-telepaths, known for forming brief gestalts with other entities (humanoid and non-), and the "Star Trek" movies (specifically, "The Search for Spock") even had him survive death by setting Dr. McCoy up so his "katra" (i.e., soul) would briefly transfer into the doctor while his body regenerated from radiation poisoning.

Alright, I can say that the story is going well, a bit confused from the start but if you continue writing this and making it better then you get my praise

Interesting and original.

Looks like I'll be the first reviewer...

A nice idea, and avoids the SAZ massacre/Euphie vilified plotline that I always hated. Unfortunately, by not having Zero simply geass Euphie int staying off the Enterprise, the possibility still exists... Do you have another tragedy planned?

I would recommend consulting some other, established fanfics for pointers on sentence structure and how to fold out each chapter. There's "Lelouch of Britannia", "The Black Empire", and "Megiddo" series for Code Geass alone, and the completed fanfic "A Life Less Extraoridnary"/"The Man with No Name" for scifi crossovers in general. Personally, I think a bit more third-person narrative to extrapolate each character's thought and feelings in addition to their stated sentences would do a lot for you.

You might want to go back and reword a few sentence shere and there... some Trek-speak as I call it pops up in CG characters a tad early, such as Zero using the word "wormhole". What everyone sees when the Enterprise appears isn't exactly explained, but phrases such as "holein space" or even the old stand-by, "time watp", would work better coming from a non-space oepra character.

Anyway, just trying to be helpful; I believe your basic plot idea has merit and should be continued.