GI-RAFFE!GI-RAFFE!

Looking at your reviews, I decided to put something on here ;)

Erm... right, where to begin? Ah, yes.

The very first paragraph was a bit too hard to read, and should be broken up more, and speech seemed to change from a book style: " ", to script, which made it slightly confusing. Another thing that was slightly confusing was how you went from script, to a thick paragraph, to script again, that didn't seem to link to the story. Nonetheless, it was very interesting, and you have a good imagination.

Overall, I think that this fic was interesting, but to make it more understandable, you should choose the format (movie, book, etc)

How many Pain's were there in the first paragraph?

Sorry if you think this to be harsh, but your profile said to be honest, so, here I am ;)

Keep writing, you are good!

(0o0) god i'm such an idiot... sorry kisame-sama!(0o0)