this is really good. the dialogue is snappy and lighthearted, and the story doesnt take itself too seriously.

but, uh, why are you terrified of writing "said"? it's not gonna hurt you, promise. said ain't dead. use other dialogue tags for emphasis, not the bulk of your writing.

anyways, thats my only criticism. everything else is A

That last line is gold.

Unending hilarity. My favorite.

So in conclusion, the real Champion is...Carver?

My mind is full of fuck

Well, this is nice.

But it's not that funny.

The humour is mostly silly, and in the game not even Silly! Hawke is that stupid! Here, everyone's like that.

But I got to admit, I liked *some* jokes. And you did point out some things that were bugging me, like how did Leandra's letter reach Gamlen? Or when?

I'll start off by saying I hate Anders and the idea of a Hawke/Anders romance makes me nauseous. However, I've really enjoyed a couple of your other stories and I really wanted to see your lampoon of DA2.

I wasn't disappointed. This was very funny throughout. You balanced the humor and ridiculousness of the characters, NPCs and situations well, kept the pacing brisk and the characters recognizable. Your choice of making Carver the only sane person in the game was brilliant.

-Alex

That was fun!

you know this party is so doomed when carver is the voice of reason.

Great story as always c: But I still can't believe you killed Anders. Even if he did turn into a mass murderer. ;u; Ah, Awakening!Anders, what happened to you?

Whew what a fun ride, it took me awhile to get around to finishing the whole thing, but I absolutely loved every bit. Cheers!

emma is certainly quick on the draw, how did aveline get into the city cannonically anyway?

Okay, that might just have been the best DA story I've ever read. You've touched upon pretty much everything that frustrated me about the game, and done so hilariously. Varric's description of the reasons behind Orsino's transformation is my favorite line. Possibly because I was pissed off when I first played, sided with the mages and pretty much killed all Templars that rushed in without anyone in my party falling below 50% health, then Orsino went cuckoo. In fact that one line probably describes canon Orsino fairly well: He's so used to being downtrodden, he can't handle the incoming victory. Anyway, awesome job.

I could have went and finished playing DA2, but instead I read this. And I'm very happy with my choice )

Okay so as much as I love this story I also kind of hate it. This story made me purchase and play DA2 (which is not a bad thing in and of itself, as the game is quite enjoyable if somewhat limited) but I maybe took this story a bit too literally and... yeah. When it came time for the Deep Roads expedition I took Bethany with me, cause she's kind of the only mage I can stand for really any period of time and I didn't want her to go off and join the circle or anything like that AND THEN SHE DIED! And for the rest of the game I was stuck with Anders (who I am not very fond of at all) and even though I made my choices entirely of my own free will I BLAME YOU ENTIRELY FOR THAT MOMENT OF HORROR AND THE HOURS OF MILD ANNOYANCE THAT FOLLOWED.

YOU KILLED BETHANY. She was beautiful, innocent and most importantly of all TOLERABLE and you KILLED HER.

... But aside from that I read this story like a week ago and loved it to pieces and ran off to play the game myself and totally forgot to leave a review about how awesome it (the story) was, so this is that review just with a little extra HATRED thrown in because BETHANY'S DEAD and YOU KILLED HER and I HAD TO DEAL WITH ANDERS FOR GOD ONLY KNOWS HOW MANY HOURS HOLY HELL HE'S SO ANNOYING.

In a short, second review, I think I am really going to love your take on the fenris/anders dynamic.