not with the society they orchestrated around themselves
[The manners they maintained?]

Tartarus lately, do
[? Do]

shoulders and squeezed
[As it’s part of a predicate, I don’t think it needs to be past tense]

the most miniscule
[minuscule?]

Shinjiro would wake up
[I never understood this change]

These were thse
[the]

and upon returning, they'd accept her and continue as if the last two months of silence hadn't occurred
[I’m sure this would be fine in the game but not so much in real life]

sinking his teeth into the flesh
[He can’t do this if he’s got a mouth in his mouth as you state just a couple paragraphs down]

Short. For the most part the characters talking to their personas worked, but a couple of the scenes (Kirijo, Shinjiro, Ken) felt off somehow. I’m not sure if they should’ve been made more distinct and distant or more of a mirror of the character.

Genius. Wish there were more fics that explored this concept. Liked FeMC and Junpei's bits in particular.

This one was very nice too. Everyone was in-character, and the conversations with their persona (personae?) were interesting.

I love this story. It's really original. Also, I like how you referenced the ability to leave someone in the middle of a problem for months, and life never moves on. XD At least for them.

I'd love to see, like, a RyojixMinako from you but that's only 'cause it's my I have the feeling I'd read anything you wrote. FANTASTIC job!

There are times when I too, would like to be able to talk to myself, be answered and never have to worry that I've gone around the bend. It'd be interesting to know where, exactly, the flotsam in the sea of my subconscious coming from.

I like this. And, I did wonder if they could talk to their Personas too. Well, this sort of answered my question didn't it? Great job.

I loved this! We almost never get to see all of the Personas' relationships with the characters, not all of them at one time like this. This is so amazing and perfect, just the way they interact. And the way you brought it back to Nyx at the end-it felt like full circle, a bittersweet ending.

Linear structure is good, I think! While variation is interesting and good and all, sometimes it makes things much more straightforward. Also, how P3's theme is "time marching forward," it feels eerily appropriate.

I just want to say, I love all your Persona 3 fics. The characterisation of each character (their voices are unique to themselves), the flow of the story, how you fit it into an overall arching theme. Your choice of words is superb; you know how to give maximum impact with a short phrase. You give a depth to your stories and characters that is hard to find. And I honestly can't find anything to critique!

What I love most though, is your use of imagery. It makes your stories poetic, giving a lyrical feel to them. Also, your characters are not flat; they have different sides to them, hidden depths and are developing as they go.

I always look forward to your future works!

(I also love reading your notes, they show that the story is well thought out.)

:D I laughed, I wondered, and I got to understand each of the characters a little bit better than before in this fic. It's amazing what a few words could do to break everyone's outside walls and dig into their mind. Even though their Personas are representations of themselves, they still backtalk and argue with each of the characters. It's interesting to see all of their internal conflict occurring between them and their Personas.

I especially liked Minako's and Koromaru's parts. Minako throws dinner parties for her multiple Personas; you gotta admit that it's pretty amusing c: And I love the names that Koromaru calls the humans by. Alpha Female, Red Coat, Baseball Cap... I can actually imagine Koromaru calling them that. He's a smart dog :D

I caught a few typos, so you might want to put this through spell check one more time. Other than that, lovely writing as usual :3 BTW, I looked up Damocles and I see what you did there.