Reviews for The Return
Patriot-112 chapter 3 . 6/20/2011
Oh man, the truth is about to come out! Keep it up!
Gold Testament chapter 3 . 6/20/2011
ok first make the chapters longer and second update real soon
notgonnasay09 chapter 3 . 6/20/2011
Well, that seemed short - not the update, the coma. I was kinda expecting him to be out longer than that. These past two chapters haven't been bad, but they did feel average.
soprano-in-waiting chapter 3 . 6/20/2011
I guess that's one way to get the info across. Where was Naruto in his own mind during this? a completely different part? Hinata did seem majorly OOC. I wouldn't have put it past her to explode, but she probably would have been at least partially apologetic after doing it, or embarrassed. I'm majorly curious as to what happens after he wakes up! That's always the moment of truth in coma stories XD THanks for posting! :)
soprano-in-waiting chapter 1 . 6/15/2011
I have to admit, I cheated and read the reviews others left. I didn't want to beat a dead dog, pardon the phrase. I believe that this does have some potential. There are numerous ways you could go with this, depending on how long he remains in his coma, or how it could have possibly affected his memory and/or personality, or if he is concious in his own mind or not. Can he hear what's going on around him? or his he dead to the world? Is he able to think through things, but unable to act upon it? It would be interesting to see how Naruto would change when forced to think and reflect.

The text itself is fairly easy to read, few typos and decent flow. As to pairings, it's entirely up to you. I know that can be a hard thing to hear when you're looking for guidance or suggestions. My advice is to think about what kind of changes or events you want your renditions of the characters to go through and make the choices that seem logical or "feel right" as it were.

Thanks for taking a brave step and posting the first chapter. Good luck on whatever you are pursuing! :)
Sexy Kurenai chapter 1 . 6/15/2011
An interesting start to the story, it's very creative. I think the only person who makes sense and would be willing to stay with Naruto throughout the night would be Hinata.
BloodKitsune11 chapter 1 . 6/14/2011
This is a really nice way to introduce and it does have potential.

As for pairings, I don't think Sakura and Naruto have a chance together as she is still mad and obsessed of Sasuke. Perhaps Hinata, who has a crush on him, or somehow make it work for TenTen.

And the person on his bedside could be either of the girls, too, or Ayame, the daughter of Teuchi from Ichiraku Ramen shop.
notgonnasay09 chapter 1 . 6/14/2011
This could have promise, if it is done right, though this intro doesn't leave a whole lot of room to critique. As far as a pairing, since this is your first story, and given that Sakura ran away into the crowd before the mystery girl could deliver Naruto to the hospital, I would go a safe route and pick someone from Naruto's own age group that is already somewhat popular or familiar among most Naruto fans. I have three particular suggestions:

Tenten: You could use the argument that she would be grateful to him for changing Neji.

Temari: Could be grateful for Gaara's changes.

Hinata: She does already have a crush on him.

Really, it's up to you. Also, I wouldn't worry too much if someone says that whoever is picked is overused; people often say that to stories where their favorite pairings are not involved. I have seen it before.
Nalax chapter 1 . 6/14/2011
Aw, short but sweet enough for me, at least between Sakura and Naruto. Keep writing! :3