Update! This is amazing update it soon please!

Edge is a clone? (Dun-dun-dun!)

Moondoe:

Good writing, vod! I really liked the dynamic between Slick and Traycen. I liked how he let her take her anger out on him without protest (sometimes the only way to blow off steam is to have a good fight), and yet did his utmost to make sure he didn't hurt her in the process. Good thing Traycen is a healer and was able to repair the damage she inflicted!:D

I still think Slick was incredibly selfish and shortsighted to act as he did, but you've given one possible explanation for his actions here. Sometimes we do things we really shouldn't in the interest of helping ourselves and those closest to us. You wrote the sensual tension quite well, especially the part where Traycen thought Slick was going to try to kill her. The fact that she wouldn't resist if he tried to hurt her...wow.

I liked how you did Traycen's dilemma over whether or not to go with Slick. Of course she wants to be there for her sisters, but she also loves Slick, wants out of the living hell her life is, and wants a full life with the man she loves. Good thing the camera was there to seal the deal. However, Slick and Traycen are both now fugitives; they will have to go far away from wherever they are before they have a chance at the normal life they desire.

Good job!
Sabre

Interesting to see these two from a different writing style view.

And they're off...hope to see soon where you take them next!

I love how you end it and it turns out tge troopers were helping them all along.

Oh my. I loved the squad on patrol's reactions. Very natural and funny.

"The passion had slowly started to die down, leaving only sweet kisses in their wake. Sweet enough to make his heart wrench as he finally tore his eyes away from the scene." -I really enjoy the way you write romance. You combine passion and love and the gentleness really well.

And wow, to be so close to Slick but not know! Loved the way you phrased it.

Good to see that Traycen and Slick managed to escape, even though they're clearly on the run.

Overall, I really enjoyed it!

Fascinating take on Slick! I admit, when I saw that particular episode, I was so mad at the Jedi, especially Anakin who was a former slave and should have picked up on things better.

The romance angle makes sense, and though I shudder to think about what kind of work the Republic is making Traycen and her sisters do, I think the idea fits into canon easy.

Because I like to quote...

"The cloak fell away and Slick's heart followed it down. It wasn't a jetii. It was a woman. A woman with fiery red hair that curled around her ears with deep blue eyes like the bottom of an ocean floor.
A beautiful woman
A fiery woman
His woman"

I found this particular paragraph to be really touching. While giving the reader a bit of a character description that's very smoothly done, you also manage to express Slick's feeling more eloquently than any love declaration could.

As for Traycen beating him...while it certainly says a lot about her state of mind, I also find it understandable. The whole thing is disturbing, but is also shows their love, if for different people. Slick clearly thinks letting her anger go on him is best for Traycen, and I feel like he's worried about what will happen to her if he doesn't provoke her into letting her anger out. It's clear that Traycen's worried sick about her sisters, and combined with her own (I'm assuming) incredibly emotionally disturbed background and Slick throwing her world upside down, she just looses it.

While her having healing powers might make me not like the story, you do it so subtely that it's not an issue.

"He always turned her into molten lava the second he touched her." -Sighs. Melts a little. NICE line.

The description of the way Slick touched her was sensuous without being too much. Very romantic, yet sexy.

Nice job!

lol, great :D good to see a little more from these two... i loved the squad... poor guys XD

The patrol's reactions were comical. Launch a thought in their heads of life outside of the army.

That was good.

You're a good writer. This is easy to understand, flows well and has a good plot started here.

I've always found Slick a facinating character and wondered what brought him so far into "the light of truth" so to speak - as to his positon as a clone and the desire for freedom.

The elements of this story are rather dark; though I suppose that comes with the territory. (IE beating someone you car about to deal with your own frusterations? That's pretty twisted.) The cause of freedom is a dignified one. One born out of individuals desire to be treated fairly. I'd hope to see these characters come to treat each other with more respect than this.

Good start though.

Looking very much forward to more! )

PLEASE CONTINUE THE STORY! IT'S SOOOO GOOD!

let me start in sayin... HELL YA IM THE FIRST REVIEWER...-HOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

sorry, anyway the story was lovely.

darth-soka..OUT!