You need to use "..." quotation marks when a person speaks. It's a bit of a headache trying to read without them.

Yeaaaaa -.- right Zack; of course you don't...

*snickers*
Chaos is gonna kill him x3
I'm actually expecting Zack to make a comment about Shay; x3 *muwahahahahaaa*

O_O WHEN IS THE NEXT CHAPTER DUEEEEEEEEEEEE? T-T

There are a lot of spelling mistakes. Try using a grammar and spelling checker. There are free programs, like the one I use grammar Make sure to remove the spaces and the (). As I said before, the plot is good but the spelling is a most likely the reason why I'm the only one to have reviewed. I want to help other writers as I've been helped to improve my writing, so that is why I am informing you of the mistakes. For example; sent (Scent) fallow (Follow) ect. Also, you have a lot of run-on sentences.

Great story plot, however you have a lot of misspelled words and grammar issues. Here is a great free program that can help fix 90% mistakes. .me I use it myself.

I hope you update soon.