There were some noticeable grammatical errors (unclear subject transition in "like most people, he didn't stop," "wondered when it was he started lying," misplaced accent a droit in the title, etc.), and you have an unfortunate habit of repeating words and ideas in rapid succession ("had a tendency... generally," "home" in the second paragraph, etc.).
With that said, you created a beautiful scene, highlighting the rush and self-absorption common to modern life and the occasional breaks in our isolation created by the most random of circumstances. It was certainly helpful that you chose music as a theme: I can't remember a time I heard someone playing on the street and didn't stop to watch and listen.

Hi there! I’m back yet again for another go around of this truly wonderful story. :) Again, I really love how each chapter has started off with a different “incident” that Shizuo is going through before he ends up finding himself standing upon the street corner where the violinist is playing. First, he was exhausted and wanting to get home. Next he’s drunk. Then he’s just had his ass literally kicked by Izaya and isn’t exactly happy about it. Then he’s pissed off because he tore up the bar he worked in following a fight with Izaya. Now he’s seeing her for the last time. Only, he doesn’t know that it is going to be the last time that he is going to see Ai. He won’t get to say any of those things he might have wanted to say to her, or to tell her because as we find out in the middle of the chapter: (('World Famous Violinist Dies at 21.')).

What I love here: ((Something about the spot, and the girl who sometimes occupied it, drew him in, and without really realizing it, a smile curved along the edges of his lips.)) is that Shizuo has finally opened himself up and he’s allowed Ai in, he’s started to form a friendship with her, a bond. Of course, that he has allowed her in now just screams with something bad about to happen to rip the carpet out from beneath him.

The paragraph that starts with this line: ((An image flashed thorough his mind, of a smiling Ai as she stood under the glow of the street lamps.)) works to show us how Shizuo had disassociated with the world and didn’t see the truth even though it was staring him right in the face. The angelic beauty was really a tragic soul that was slowly winking out. Ai chose that street corner for her final performances because it was her way of sharing with the world the gift she’d been given.

What I love about here: ((It's okay./Shizuo Heiwajima did not cry./Everything will be fine.)) is how this entire section flips back and forth between Shizuo narrating his own thoughts and reactions, but the italicized words are clearly those coming from Ai. It really hammers the bittersweet sadness of his grief home. However it also works to bring him around to accepting the fact that Ai is gone and that he will never see her again except for in those brief moments where he will remember her and the beautiful music that she could play.

In all this was an amazingly beautiful and tragic story and I am very glad that I took the time to read it. Absolutely fantabulous job! :)

Hi there! I’m back yet again for another go around of this truly wonderful story. :) Again, I really love how each chapter has started off with a different “incident” that Shizuo is going through before he ends up finding himself standing upon the street corner where the violinist is playing. First, he was exhausted and wanting to get home. Next he’s drunk. Then he’s just had his ass literally kicked by Izaya and isn’t exactly happy about it. Now he’s pissed off. And why is he pissed off? Because ((Izaya had showed up.)). Now, considering that Izaya had just literally run up on him in the last chapter and literally put a boot in his butt? It’s kinda understandable that he’d lose his cool soon as he sees the man this time around. That his temper tantrum resulted in ((…twelve broken bar stools, five snapped tables, and twenty shattered glasses later,)) and Shizuo finding ((himself out of a job.)) says that the fight was quite an intense one.

That ((Shizuo had stormed off into the night, intent on finding something to wreck or picking a fight with some worthless, idiotic street thugs.)) suggests that he has spent his entire life fighting and doesn’t know any other way in which to cope or deal with the anger that seems prevalent in him. Again it makes me wonder about the things that I don’t know and which are only hinted at. That’s not a bad thing because it makes me want to check out the source material and learn these things for myself. This line here: ((His hands, he'd long ago decided, were made for nothing but destruction, and they would and could obliterate anything in his path.)) does explain a lot about him though. It’s clear that Shizuo has only been taught that his hands are good at destroying, that he lacks the ability to do good or be good and that he believes that he’s not a worthwhile person because of these flaws that he has.

The quietness of the violinists response to how Shizuo broke her violin (by accident) and the fact she merely smiled that same smile, ((That same, kind curve of her lips, that said everything would be okay, even when it clearly wasn't.)) says how gentle a soul that Ai really is. She’s able to see that Shizuo is more than a destructive force and shows him for ((the first time that breaking something)) was actually (('okay.')). She’s teaching him that losing his temper is alright, that feeling is okay, that needing something or someone is not a crime.

In all this was another great chapter. Great job!

Hi there! I’m back again for another go around of this very beautiful story. :) I really love how each chapter has started off with a different “incident” that Shizuo is going through before he ends up finding himself standing upon the street corner where the violinist is playing. First go around he was exhausted and wanting nothing, but to get home and go to bed. Next he’s drunk as a skunk. Now here: ((…he'd just gotten his ass kicked.)) he’s had his ass kicked. At first, and until I continued reading, my response was OMG, what happened to him?! Then we read how ((…technically, Izaya had kicked his ass. Well, not technically - literally. The man had walked up to him when he had his back turned, kicked him in the ass, and ran.)). I found this so hilarious that I burst out laughing. I’m assuming that Shizuo must have blamed Izaya for his getting inebriated and that this was the man’s retaliation.

Again, the humor you interject in the narrator voice here: ((A little voice in the back of his head told him that he very much wanted to know her name, but it was promptly silenced by a flying kick to the throat and a well tied gag.)) is well placed and works to soften the more somber aspects of the chapter.

This: ((Shizuo watched her go with a look that was half lost, and half confused, wondering what, exactly had just happened.)) is just heartbreaking. Why he’s so blocked and unable to simply accept that he is interested in the violinist is a mystery to me and something I assume may be answered within the constraints of the canon material. However, that he can’t allow himself to get to know her, to become friends with her says how Shizuo has trust issues with people and can’t overcome those issues enough to be able to make friends… real friends since Izaya might only be a loosely defined friend.

Just a pointer:

((…ended up taking out someone's care before))—I’m assuming that you meant car here? :)
In all this was another great chapter. Great job!

And onto the next chapter...

Anyway, on to my review heh. Well, it is kinda mandatory that Shizuo blames Izaya for everything aye? XD

Again, your characterization of Shizuo is really, really good. And it seems that you've picked the very same setting to start this chapter.. except that he's drunk. It's a nice setting, and being drunk, I presume he has little or no restraint to what his mind and thoughts will him to do, which I feel sends quite a strong message, about his feelings towards the violinist.

If there's another thing I love about this story, is that while it's short - it's not rushed, and I love how you take things step-by-step. It's the same setting, and he gets entranced by her music again.. but without his better thinking, he actually pushes his way through the crowd, into 'her' corner of the public street.

And I love the narrative in this story. There's neither any words spoke thus far, nor are there anyreal clear interactions between them. Yet, you portray the change of his feelings very welll, through sheer observation. As usual, I love your "showing". The emotions and development are clear. It's getting more and more difficult to ignore the fact that he's being drawn to the stranger, and I can only think that someday, he will give. And the way he doesn't want to admit how attractive she is does make his character very consistent - but I can feel it softening xD

And the ending - I loved how Shizuo tries to know the woman. I love your subtlety in the ending - how he slowly goes out of character, and listens to the music whole-heartedly - unwittingly, of course. He notices more detail about the woman, and stupidly becomes more attracted. And the final line, where he confirms that she has "blue eyes". He's never met her, but he had foreseen such a small detail. It's very subtle, and I like the development. All this in a bit more than a couple of paragraphs. Incredible pacing, I must say.

Overall, I loved your pacing, and the short, yet slow development of Shizuo's character, and his emotions, presumably laid bare by his drunkenness. And I must say, you could show me a thing or two about the art of "showing", yeah. And we still don't know her name! I really want to know her name, and how it will be when they finally talk. With all this silent, subtle buildup, character development, and narrative emotion, it leaves me entranced. Not excited - entranced ;)

Great work.

Regards,
Art

I loved this chapter.

The way you portrayed the descriptions in this chapter, is really good. I especially liked how you put the setting where, Shizuo had noticed her, amidst of all the normality that is around them.

And again, the descriptions of the music.. I could feel the emotion, especially when it said here [didn't know what peace was, but he was sure this came pretty damn close to it], and I really loved how he so subtly felt "better", so to speak.

The subtlety in this story is also something to note, and I liked how they never spoke, nor was a name given to the violin girl, yet you portrayed with such a character. Her widening smile as the story progresses, and Shizuo's character and background which slowly unveils.

He is jaded and hardened by something - but he is conflicted and entranced by the girl's music. He tries to treat the situation with apathy, yet he thinks about if she will return. All of these conflicts make for a very good stage and character, and it's nice how you capped it off with the last segment of [when he started lying to himself], and [dreading the walk back to his empty apartment]. He really does want to see her again, does he? xD

Something I especially liked and wanted to highlight, however, are the subtle emotions you painted behind the descriptive writing, especially within these lines

[Unconsciously, his eyes drifted close, and he listened to the music, letting it fill him with a sense of... of something he'd never felt before]

and

[Shizuo's eyes jerked open]

and

[clicking shut with a sound that was inaudible at such a distance]

Overall, I love the ironic, and contrasting tones conflicting with each other in this chapter, and I can only marvel at how a simple musical piece from a violin can make a jaded character be so conflicted. I also loved the descriptions, and I must say it is vivid without being forceful, which is rather difficult to pull off, I must say.

If I were to nitpick... I can't nitpick, gomen /(T - T)\

There's a few typos I spotted, which is easily fixable with a quick skim, but nothing too major aye :P

I lurved it.

Regards,
Art

Hi again! I am still painfully fandom blind here, I’m afraid, but that, again, didn’t stop me from enjoying this very lovely chapter. I still feel that the strengths in your writing are in the small details and simple but effective ways you illustrate the necessary things that you want us readers to take away with us. Here it’s the inner dialogue and vocalization of the narrator who is narrating this piece for us that makes the chapter come alive. We learn a lot about Shizuo and about his relationships with someone named Izaya (who we don’t meet, obviously). We also see how Shizuo is attracted to the violinist despite his very efforts, finding himself walking by her corner while intoxicated and pausing to partake of the song that she chooses to play that evening. That he doesn’t simply keep walking, that he pushes his way through the crowd despite how abysmal he feels speaks loudly as to interwoven his path is with hers and leaves me wondering as to how their relationship will continue to develop as the story progresses on.

I like that when we meet Shizuo this time around that ((he was drunk.)). It tells us that something must be wrong, especially since we find out that ((Shizuo didn't usually drink.)). Why he’s drinking now, what pushed him into this form of indulgence is clearly anybody’s guess. However, while he’s clearly very drunk, he’s still quite capable of recognizing the violinist and being drawn to her song.

The humor here: ((Generally, he blamed Izaya. Not because the man had anything to do with it, but just because he blamed Izaya for everything. Even paper cuts.)) really works to break up the darkness that tends to hang over the story in general. Clearly this isn’t a Disney story where everything is still happy joy joy despite the villain making life difficult for the heroes. Shizuo clearly isn’t one who’d fit in the role of Prince Charming (now Hook from OUAT, maybe. I digress however…). He’s jaded and bitter, certainly, but there’s a spot still inside him where humor (of the snarky kind) resides. You capture that sarcasm in the narrator’s non-vocalized thoughts and provide a break in the dreariness that could otherwise weigh this piece down.

I love how you tie this: ((Her eyes were blue.)) back into the first chapter. Shizuo’s assumptions that her eye color would be blue turns out to be true. That he notices that detail while clearly inebriated shows the level of connection he’s already forged with her despite never have met her and never getting closer than street length from her. I'm also tempted to think of the blue as being a metaphor for water, which flows in a fluid and continuous movement until it reaches the end of whatever chasm that it is flowing down. Her music is also something that is fluid like water and which is a continuous movement of sound that only stops when she reaches the end of the piece. It interweaves the two together and creates this image in the mind of something calm and peaceful. Which the violinist is for Shizuo (despite his not being willing to admit it just yet).

In all, this was another great chapter and I can’t wait to read more! Great job!

Hi there and congratulations on being named the Review Lounge, Too’s SOTW for the week of 4/12/2015! I am painfully fandom blind here, I’m afraid, but that didn’t stop me from enjoying this very lovely written story that you’ve got started here. I thought the strengths in your writing were in the small details and simple but effective ways you illustrated the images necessary to bring specific elements to life. The play of the ((blue)) for her hair against the violinist’s pale skin works to describe a very lovely girl who can create an ethereal beauty soar from her fingertips. For his own part, Shizuo comes off as incredibly jaded and bitter to the world at large. Being fandom blind, that jaded and bitterness is interesting because it makes me want to find out why he’s this way and what has happened in his life that he is absolutely so joyless.

There’s an almost broken quality about Shizuo, especially here in this line: ((His feet pointed him towards home, towards a bed seldom made and an apartment that was as cold and empty as the rest of his life.)). It’s clear that Shizuo has no happiness in his life that he seemingly follows a routine where he doesn’t bother to make his bed simply because he knows that he will just be returning to it later that day anyway.

This here: ((The artificial light of the city reflected off her violin, illuminating the polished wood and the bow that slid expertly across the ivory strings beneath her fingertips.)) is an example of that beautiful imagery that I was mentioning above. I can absolutely picture the violinist as she stands on that corner; playing the violin she holds to her rounded shoulder and making it sing that sweetly haunting song with those delicate fingers that so captivates the jaded Shizuo despite his best efforts to walk away.

Again, this: ((As he turned to go, dreading the walk back to his empty apartment, Shizuo wondered when it was he started lying to himself.)) echoes how empty his life is, how lonely. Yet, instead of embracing the potential comfort he could have in the company of the violinist, instead of accepting the momentary distraction, he tells himself that it doesn’t matter and that he won’t be back- knowing it to be a lie but telling it to himself anyway. It suggests to me that he’s been let down before when he’s allowed his expectations to get too high and so doesn’t allow himself to want or to hope simply because what he’s wishing for/wanting may not come to pass.

In all, this was a very great opening chapter and I can’t wait to read more! Great job!

Hi again! Looks like I'm all caught up!

The first line is a hooker as always. It was the last...? Oops, what is happening? I have to find out!

I love how you build up the suspense with Shizuo waiting for Ai and reading the newspaper. Why isn't Ai coming? Something IS wrong here.

And it comes down when it's revealed that Ai has died. That's really sad and unexpected, but it makes a fantastic end. I thoroughly enjoy such plot: developing the relationship between the characters until the readers care and then suddenly break it. It makes the emotional impact really hard.

The last few lines bring out the emotions. It sounds simple and innocent, but they are what that make Shizuo's grief easily felt (although the whole sequence of Shizuo reacting to the news already shows it very well). And I find out that 'Sayonara' really emphasizes the sadness although it's a Japanese term (because in Japanese, it's more like finality).

This is a gorgeous work! Very well done!

Hi again!

The first line is a great hook. Why is Shizuo pissed? Something happened? I gotta read on to find out! :D

Shizuo needs to learn to control his temper; I strongly agree. Twelve broken bar stools, five snapped tables, twenty shattered glasses; that is one hell of rage (although it is a little absurd)! Nice character bits there! Also, about the cigarettes; I agree. Those who smoke never forget money for cigarettes. And clothes. I'm bursting into laughter as I read 'Because running around naked with cigarettes just seemed ridiculous.' So true!

What? The bow is broken? And Shizuo sees it? That can't be good... The suspense gets me.

What a twist. I first thought Shizuo is going to snap, but turns out that Ai has a spare bow. The moment when Shizuo wishes that he can fix things instead of destroying something is beautiful and touching. It is a contrast his violent tendencies. The last part, when Ai begins playing the violin again, just makes a gorgeous end to the chapter.

Again, the plot. I love it to bits. The relationship between Shizuo and the violinist just develops so well. First chapter: doesn't really care. Second chapter: starts to care. Third chapter: cares more. Fourth chapter: cares even more. Also, the development of Shizuo's character is amazing. Starts out apathetic, but he becomes better as he gets to know the violinist deeper.

Excellent work!

Hi again!

That first line! Although it makes me chuckle, I think it's also a great hook to the chapter. How and why Shizuo gets his ass kicked? I'll read on!

The descriptions are amazing. The description of the girl playing the violin is always great. The visualization is very vivid (e.g. bow dancing across the strings). I especially enjoy the music sequence. Light and cheery, and Shizuo's reaction shows it. He dances! And he can't stop dancing! This part too, makes me giggle.

Again, the plot. I love it so much. First chapter, Shizuo doesn't really care. Second chapter, Shizuo starts to care. Third chapter, Shizuo and the girl introduce themselves, although there's a little awkwardness (which is of course, natural; given Shizuo's apathetic nature from the previous chapters, it just fits). The development is just so sweet.

Excellent work!

Hi again!

I have to say the characterization of Shizuo is top-notch. I'm fandom blind, but I admit that his character is very human. The bits about his drunkenness are fun read, but how Shizuo relates his inebriation and his act of approaching the girl is a...very human reaction of denial (or ego defense maybe).

Again, I love how the plot moves. Shizuo tries to be as apathetic as ever, but he is still drawn in by the music from the violinist girl. He tried not to care because the girl is still a stranger, but he just found it difficult. And the last part, Shizuo forgot to scowl. That's a nice development, since he scowls in the previous chapter. Now I wonder how he will react next time.

Quick pointer: Something of his usual self must've won out, - I think it's 'Something of his usual self might have worn out,'

Excellent work as always!

Hi, congrats for getting chosen as the Story of the Week at The Review Lounge, Too! I'm fandom blind here, but I'll do my best.

Wow, the descriptions. The descriptions are great, especially the part with the violinist girl. Honestly, I'm now like, I'm standing and watching her playing the violin on the street! The description of the song (haunting, lyrical masterpiece) is a nice addition. Also, when the girl leaves, the description is just as vivid.

I love how the plot moves. It begins with the seemingly apathetic Shizuo, but then a music from a violin catches his attention. Then it ends with Shizuo acting just as apathetic as earlier because the violinist girl is just a stranger, but he can't wipe away the fact that he is drawn in by the music. This makes a great lead to the next chapter.

Excellent work! :D

Let's start with the beginning, I have to say I found Shizuo's train of thought on several occasions quite humorous. Like when he stated he would feel physically ill from staring at paintings. He definitely is his old charimng as ever self at the begining of the story :D
What I also really loved about the first chapter was when the description reappeared. That just made me incredibly happy.

I kind of cringed at the word 'orbs' when you talked about her eyes, but I let that pass, since it's definitely not overused in your story. And you're one of those writers capable of using names properly (not reverting to hair and eye colour every second paragraph.)

Something very wonderful about this story is that you gave Shizuo the character depth he actually deserves! His simple portrayal in the show makes him quite prone to be a flat character I think, but you managed to find a wonderful balance to give him the needed depth and yet stay true to that simplicity. Moments like when he's wondering when he started lying to himself show that very well

I can't tell you how many ideas that end bad start with Shizuo being drunk, but there are probably many and I couldn't shake off the distinct feeling that something dumb was going to happen. I think it was very important for his character when you pointed out how aware he actually is of his actions and temper and behaviour and I think gets easily forgotten sometimes.

One of my favourite parts was Shizuo blaming Izaya for paper cuts and drunkenness (sounds kind of funny to me, that word.) That's just like him and I bet Izaya would have mocked him if he had known about Shizuo suddenly becoming fond of music and taking an interest in that girl. I almost hear him sometimes throughout the story.

It was highly adorable to imagine Shizuo managing to stand tall and being so goddamn proud of himself in that moment. And when he saw her eyes for the first time, that moment was kind of sweet too.
You understand his character really well, that's part of why was so much fun to read, you know?

What I find personally very lovely about Shizuo and that girl is that he genuinely cares for her and you can read that in the way he thinks about her, in the way he's scared to approach her, because his usual self would just walk up to her and ask her. It's in the way he actually feels bad about breaking her bow and how he reacts to the news of her death. And that's something his character doesn't get very often, like he isn't genuinely happy very often, so reading that was very, very lovely.
Especially her reaction when he broke her bow and his world was practically crumbling and he had no idea what to do, that was somehow sweet and very much needed in his life!

I would give a lot to see Shizuo start randomly dancing out on the street. Another of my favourite lines was "wrecking his place of employment was apparently a big no-no." As well as the mental image of Shizuo running around naked with a cigarette in his mouth.

You know I knew it from the start. I had a feeling when I started the last chapter that she would die, but I didn't acknowledge it until I read it. Her death makes it just twice as sad that she managed to bring peace to him for the first time in his life. And that she was one of the few persons that managed to make him smile because he was content with himself and how things were going. Shizuo made a friend and I don't think I can comprehend how much sadness her death has caused.

All in all though, it was wonderful!

i think my heart just broke
you are so cruel AHHHHHHHHHHH
i was not expecting that
TT_TT