I really loved this! Jayanai and Albus make a really cool couple with these characterisations, and I really liked how Al doesn't want to associate with his family that much. It was really different to what I normally read of Al, so that made me like it even more! 9

i'm crying so, so hard at this, this was absolutely fabulous. i have no words. 7

Aw, Ly's awkwardness was so adorable and when he was trying to build up to ask her out and then just couldn't and then realised that he had to; it was perfect! Your writing was beautiful, as usual! 5

Awww, this was so cute! I really loved the way that you split the sections up and the relationship which was between Rose and Lorcan. The last line was absolutely beautiful for showing how strong friendships can last forever :)

(and wow i'm so bad at marking, sorry!)
7 points

This story didn't really speak to me, I felt that maybe the characters weren't really developed? I'm not sure what it was about it, but it certainly wasn't the best thing I've ever read. At one point (in only one or two sentences, mind) you changed the POV from 3rd to 2nd person. Other than that, I liked Roxanne's character.

This was lovely and the dialogue felt very natural. I think my favourite bit was Lee wanting to inform everyone all the time. xD

I don't think I've ever seen Al portrayed like this, all arrogance and such.
I liked the banter between the two of them andbetween Albus and Roxanne.
I found it a bit unrealistic though that would be allowed in a bar at their age, on a schoolday and they would end up in bed together.

I applaud you for trying something different, but for me it was a bit too mich: too much banter, too much wannabe-funny comments...
I did like their characters though, and how they'd rather get married in pyjamas then wait for the bustle of the ceremony and all.

I love Lucy/Lysander and I think you wrote them great! Oh he was so nervous! That was so cute! I really liked this chapter.

I loved these little moments, as they paint quite the characters. Nicely done. I usually picture Rose with Scorpius (cliche much? ;-)) or an OC and my version of Lorcan is either with Molly II or with Fred II (don't ask), but in this story I was kind of rooting for the two of them to get together.

Again, love how well connected these are, great portrayl

This is very cute, love the subtle humor!

well written yet again

Oh, I love how well connected this all is, well written

Not really a fan of Albus or OCs :P

But I did think this was interestingly written and I enjoyed it overall.