Heum...

I'm not really sure about what I've just read... I thought it was a Shadow of the Wind fanfiction, but it seems you made a mistake when you choose the category in which to publish your text.

Regardless, it's pretty short, and I'm not sure to get where all of this is going. I won't repeat what Edlha told you, the tips given are great. I think there is potential in your writing, you just need to perfect your work.

FYI, this doesn't sound like its from the book "Shadow of the wind" by Carlos Ruiz Zafon at all, which is what this category is for since I created it.

Hello! This is a good idea for a fic and you have some nice turns of phrase here.

I thought that it was a little short and the odd punctuation and formatting may be discouraging readers from your fic. For example, you don't take a new line when a new person speaks, and that makes it very confusing to try to work out which character is saying what. Also, the bold text is a little harder to read than the normal text, and I noticed some words seemed to start with a capital for no reason.

Do you have a beta reader? I recommend them, mine are great. You can find one by asking around, or by using the beta link above. Good luck x