This is the second time in past 5 years I've read Halkegenia Online and it has to be one the best stories I've ever read. I really enjoy your writing style and I would be honestly shocked if you didn't have actual published books on the market. If you still look at this account I would love to know if you have any other works? Even though your work on this story has long since ended I hope your doing well in what ever it is that you do now and I anxiously wait for more content from you. Keep up the great work!

Wow. This has been nothing short of amazing!

Especially the ending! I could just imagine it. Perfectly.

Literally gave me chills.

With the understanding that the story (or at least this segment of it) is long in the can, I still feel the need to bring up an issue that has been encroaching more and more on the story as it's progressed. That being the cardinal sin of "Show, Don't Tell". Your writing started with a passable balance of active diction for the narrative, saving explanations for internal as third person omniscient should allow. However, this chapter is the worst offender thus far in a creep of the need to explain without conveying character action, emotion, and thinking. To set an example, we can go with the scene of Yui being lead on a tour through the gardens.

What you wrote: Third person passive omniscient summary that glossed over each function of the pixie society as far as incubation, defense, and birth through the flower garden is concerned, with time enough for Yui to passively hypothesize of what these facts meant to the bigger ecological picture of pixies in Alfheim and in their new environment as well.

What you should have written: Third person active limited through Yui working her way through each function. A simple sentence, but there are so many elements that could be unpacked in doing so, letting the reader experience first-hand in vivid detail:

- The process itself, if there's irrigation routes involved to keep the plants hydrated, if there's an aqueduct system set up FOR that irrigation. Pesticide control and what avenues it could handle—if there are low-combat foot soldiers that are trained under the knights to take on that job. Possible side tasks meant for building tools against weather conditions or sudden natural disasters, and if any teams are dedicated to just that. Medicinal to aid and equalize nutrient intake, and if surplus is used toward any other avenues of the pixie village, be it carpentry, crafting, medicinal, or otherwise. If animals are treated, how they're treated, if there's a system in place Monster Hunter style for predators or passives. A council or delegation process of any kind that could hint to the means of exploring the new land's flora and fauna that's entirely unfamiliar to them, how it stacks against the knowledge of native Alfheim, and how that itself stacks against Yui's own known database.

- The pixie's mental status, and how it could be conveyed and seen through Yui's eyes. Everything in the prior example (and all of it was just me spitballing about the idea of a pixie ecology) is rife with brief or even long instances of pixies at their regular walks of life, how their feelings could show as they work, how they could show their reaction to so many unfamiliar sights, sounds, and so on in the Helgenkia land. Is morale down? Is there dissent? Are they just collectively hive mind workers who leave all heavy thoughts to the Elder Sisters? Such a thing would even put highlights on whether Botan is an outlier in her behavior, or if she's not so unlike her sisters. It'd even highlight what other hard-working fairies might think of "that daydreaming showoff".

Both those factors, without being force-fed to the readers in a scientific summary that doesn't complement the attempted robotic nuance of Yui's own internal thinking (Hypothesis, Fact, Conclusion, etc) would beat more life into the pixies, into Yui's own characterization as she is/isn't swayed by their obviously-elaborate-even-in-summary way of life, and, most importantly, the reader's ability to empathize and then invest in those characters come later instances of action or turmoil. The "limited" part, of course, is because Yui and the reader should be discovering this at the same time, as organically as possible. The detached summary saves writing time, but throws away big opportunity for readers to attach to this segue in the story.

Again, I understand this is more a thought in hindsight and this segment has long-since been in the can. But I felt I'd be remiss in not stating my thoughts, given I'm hoping this doesn't become the norm for the story itself.

Interesting tale. If there's any complaint in this thus far, it's that your work is two stories that should be entirely separate. Essentially, Asuna & her party are being used as an action buffer to mask the vast amounts of nothing that is happening back at the academy with Louise, and among the necessary-yet-pointless politics between Sakuya & co, while Kirito is off chasing a pointless dragon with no good sign of a payoff. It's a striking bit of favoritism I'd hope resolves itself pretty soon. Saying it bluntly, Asuna's trials can be a story all their own, and is in fact carrying this tale as, again noted, it is the only plot-progressing actions of any kind taking place.

Still an interesting story, despite the observation of unbalance.

Albion Pearl Harbour, Japs are at it again. No offense meant, just that even if it was a dick move, it proved effective enough.

Loved it! Onto the sequels now. Just one thing you could fix for other future readers if it's not much trouble. Ctrl F "their" and change it to "there"(in most chapters), I don't understand how is it possible that you how you've mistaken those words since your English is pretty good otherwise.

оо

Me gusto mas está mini historia que no es espoilers. Nos muestra pequeños aspectos del mundo.

Debe haber una forma de revivirlos, son demasiado carismáticos para dejarlos muertos, estoy seguro que entre sus magias hay uno para resucitar Fae

Tuve la extraña sensación de repetición en la escena de la biblioteca, raro.

Realmente espero que tengan cuidado con los avances tecnológicos que dan y un control sobre ellos.

Estoy seguro que de haber tenido más tiempo se darían cuenta de lo poderoso de su magia

Es lo que más odio en este tipo de historias cuando roban los recursos de los visitantes

Solo combiertete en dragón y sácale la madre a todos

Ya es hora que le muestre el poder del protagonista