Oho Guiche duels are the best part of any ZnT fic

Definitely an interesting story!

Wut? I'm confused... Ch2 and CH3 both have a different duel scenario?

Ok, so I know this is an old story by now, five years in fact. And it’s pretty good, so far. One thing though. You never finished the re-write, so going from chapter 2 to chapter 3, it’s an absolute mess. It’s jarring and confusing going from talking with the headmaster after the duel with Guiche, to the exact same day with a different set of events entirely. You cover the whole Guiche incident twice with differing takes on what happened and everything. I’d love nothing more than to continue reading, but in its current state, I just can’t. Continue the rewrite, PM me when you upload new/updated chapters, and I will read gladly.

i have no idea how this is going to go and its awesome

I feel like there needs to be something in the first two chapters why Kerrigan is acting nothing like Kerrigan. The only explanation you've given is that she's trying to fit in by pretending to be a Lord/Lady...but that's not at all something Kerrigan would ever do. Honestly, you've written her to be so bland. Just some generic laid back woman with common sense and some semblance of power. You could replace every instance of the word Kerrigan with Wonder Woman, some female Jedi, or any other female protagonist with a super power that's capable of wielding a sword or a bow, and the story would have read exactly the same.

Maybe that changes later, I don't know. But there's been absolutely nothing that grabs my attention, at all, in these first two chapters. Nothing that says, "Hey look at this! One of the most badass woman in video games, the fucking Queen of Blades, is in Halkeginia, and she's gonna fuck some shit up! Check it out!" To be honest, I would have rather been reading about Saito these two chapters, because at least that offers a bare minimum amount of comedy over "generic OC who's not actually Kerrigan but who we're gonna call Kerrigan to attract readers".

Could have overlooked Kerrigan doing the whole "m'lady slave maid has rights and is a human being so treat her with respect" routine with the maid. Seems like every single Familir of Zero story has to get that out of the way, so whatever. But Kerrigan not turning Guiche into a bloodstain in the ground? Come on. Might as well be writing about Supergirl at this point.

Well shit this can only be terrifying.

Oh wait.. The rewrite is only up to chp 2? :(
That a major turn off. Hope you finish soon.

When was this rewrite posted? I actually saved you original story (good old save page) had i known you posted a rewrite i should have had read this sooner. Ive been reading you old one for some time when im bored and i got to say its better than the old one

The redoes was really amazing, hope you ever find time to finish it

How kissable breasts are, depends on their tinyness/the flattness of a girls chest. The maker of ZnT, knew this. Cute loli, that stopped growing at the age of 15, is her destiny. You committed heresy with this chapter.

I'm guessing that the re-done part ended in chapter 2 and the rest of the chapters is what remained of the original story.
I think that you made a little mistake by simply editing the chapters instead of posting this as a remake, as a result the old story is pretty much unreadable because its first two chapters are just missing. The differences in those two stories are far too great to treat them as anything else than two different works starting from the same point but then going on their separate paths, those paths may run parallel to each other but that's all. Reading them as one story just leaves the reader in a state of confusion at the chaos that is created by the differences and even mutually exclusive versions of stor progression.

The above issue aside, I must say that those 2 re-done chapters are really amazing very well written and truly worth reading. I really enjoyed reading them and I would be glad for the chance of reading the rest of this story if you will be willing (and able) to find time to finish it.

You just redid the duel

You've obviously never read familiar of zero Karin is a bit of a bitch while she loves her daughter's if she thought they were endangering crown or country shed gladly kill them and with a smile on her face thier father spoils them and would never hurt them though

Its derflinger not delfinger