that was a wonderful story thank you for writing it:)

What happened to esme at the end?

So, um, how do I put this in a nice way? I'm not quite sure why they immediately started talking about relationships, (both past and present,) sexualities and family, but I don't think that's a hot conversation starter for a first official date.

It would also be preferable if you proofread your work to identify those pesky spelling mistakes, and maybe try to make your transitions a bit smoother. The pacing is also... lacking. It's just running too fast with too little information put in-between to distinguish one scene from another, so it all kind of blurs together.

I realize I'm not putting much fluff to soften my words, but these are major plot holes that I'm seeing after just scanning the story. I know it seems like I'm trying to tear your story apart, but I do hope you can improve from my harsh words.

I know this is a complete story that you're probably never going to redo, not to mention it was only your second posted work. I haven't read further, (nor do I honestly plan to,) but I dearly hope you've improved your writing since this piece.

"A" night course isn't gonna cut it when it comes to a profession such as law. If that happened, people wouldn't be wasting hundreds of thousands on law school and their Masters degree.

Sure, you can make the argument that Carlisle dabbled in it when he was "brushing up" on his medical schooling, but then there's the questions of "did he even get a degree when he focuses on being a doctor?" and "is the law code he learned still applicable?" as it might differ from country to country, or just simply be outdated information.

Hm. So far, I have 2 problems. 1: why would Esme be in Edward's room?
2: You said yourself that vampires feel cold to humans, so how exactly would she be able to have sex with a human male when his d*ck would've almost immediately deflated, like taking a cold shower?

Darling, you are rushing the story. I hope that you will slow down in the next chapters. As it is, it's hard to form an emotional connection to the characters.

You should have told the person that if it didn t like lgbtq people andd storys about it it just should not read any
By the way your storys are the best _

He never be careful the Volturi would absolutely LOVE Harry add one of their main guard!

It's great so far but I have a feeling that Esme's going to try to attack and must likely force Harry to change..

I'm very confused with the way you record time in the chapters. Ex. 16:36 , 22:45
I'm used to 4:36 and 10:45

Loved it ~Stasia

I really like this story

Thanks for sharing.

Interesting story. You may want to mark it as "Completed" because I almost didn't read it because I assumed it was abandoned since it was last updated 2 years ago. :)

Awesome loved it