Nice work! Loved this!

Nice work!

Hmm...interesting! Seems Hilbert is on his own now! I can understand Cheren’s frustration, but I’m truly disappointed in his actions. After all, didn’t he promise Hilbert’s Mom that he and Bianca would watch over Hilbert? Truly a pity...

Excellent work! Loved this!

Nice! This was excellent! Hey, I believe I noticed something actually. Some of the character’s and their antics you could say were kinda similar to the manga. Is that intentional or just me? Either way, good work on referencing that!

Hm! Well done! I enjoyed this chapter that’s for sure! A unique take on when N meets the Trainer that would oppose him one day...for a battle between Truths and Ideals!

Hm! I thought so! I knew the scar would be important down the line! Lol. Anyway, I digress.

Good work! I’m enjoying it! And I must say that I really do like the contrasting personalities that both Hilbert and Oshawott have!

Ooh! Nice start! Although is there a story behind how Hilbert got that scar on his forehead? And wow! I like the idea of Hilda currently working with N and Team Plasma! Normally most stories with the two protagonists have them grow up alongside one another, but this is a nice change of pace!

more of a comment than anything, but going back on some stories I've had a fondness for, and I stumble upon the flame review of the century; the one right below mine. I swear to god they take this story like it's an actual slight to their humanity, slinging out insults and death threats and even comparing their own story and putting this review into scopes and magnifications that would leave the Hubble space telescope jealous.

If you're curious about the story, I implore you to read it, unbiased and untainted by reviews that are... twisted. If you do want an opinion from me, I think it's an engaging read! Nothing too great, but it's solid and has wonderful characters with interesting plot points, to say the least.

Just, try not to be as mad as the person that wrote the review right below this one. Not so hard.

Before I begin this review in earnest, I need to address this little piece of stupidity on your profile (and yes, I’m gonna copy-paste the whole note, because I believe idiocy like this should be preserved and put on display):

‘NOTICE: Fidelity and Platinum Witch are on hiatus until I finish Pride of Your Soul. Originally I had posted a notice chapter on the two stories, but recently someone brought to my attention that doing so was violating parts of the Content Guidelines, namely that the chapters aren't to be used as placeholders for non-story content. Now I don't know how FanFiction judges with these kinds of scenarios depending on the severity, but I'd rather be safe than sorry, so I deleted the two recent 'chapters' of Fidelity/Platinum Witch. So I apologize in advance for that, I was not aware of such a rule and I will be more careful going forward from here.’

First of all... how in God’s name did you NOT know that posting non-story content was against the site’s rules, you fucktard? The rules are ABSURDLY easy to access, and you have to agree to them EVERY SINGLE FUCKING TIME you want to post a new story. Tell me, are you blind, illiterate, or both? Obviously you’re neither, since you’ve written several stories, so I’ll assume you’re just stupid. And this assumption is not without a foundation, as we now segue into the actual review... (And be warned, I’m going to be comparing this to what I have so far written for Long Way to Fall A LOT, and spoilers: they’re not gonna be very favourable comparisons on your end).

I suppose we start by comparing beginnings, and right off the bat, mine blows yours totally out of the water. Hell, even in its first iteration, it did. Whereas I began (and still do begin) mine with the time-tested ‘R-rated Opening’ action scene that’s nowhere to be found in the game, yours starts by simply blandly retelling the opening of the game with the Nuvema Town trio in Hilbert’s room picking their starters (which is something that doesn’t happen until the FOURTH CHAPTER of my story. Keep that in mind).

Next, our introduction to the characters, and again, mine takes the lead with yet another scene not in the game (methinks this will become a pattern as I get further into my story) that has Hilbert, Bianca, and Cheren as six-year-olds playing hide-and-seek in Nuvema. I even include a bit of worldbuilding in mine, with Hilbert catching a broadcast of Wes from Pokemon Colosseum, a game most people seem to forget exists, fighting his final battle against Evice. You, however, include... nothing, save for the detail that Hilbert has a Harry Potter-esque scar on his forehead for some bizarre reason. I assume that it serves some purpose, but I couldn’t care less what. However, if it’s for a ‘special purpose’ or ties into some fucking ‘Chosen One’ bullshit, I am legitimately going to strangle you, as that means you have COMPLETELY missed the point of Pokemon Black and White. It’s not fucking Zelda! It’s a subversion *of* Zelda! THAT’S the point!

And the formatting of this chapter! Have mercy. Dude, paragraphs consisting of more than one sentence exist. USE THEM. You don’t need to have dialogue every other fucking line! I mean, how would you feel

if

I

wrote

the

rest

of

the

review

like

this? It would drive you fuckin’ nuts, wouldn’t it? Honestly, between the bad dialogue punctuation of my original version and this, I’m hard-pressed to say which is worse. On top of that, you don’t really give any descriptions of what anything looked like whatsoever, whereas I at least gave mention to where several pieces of furniture in Hilbert’s room were. I also think that the reaction Hilbert’s mother (who *I* actually gave a name to, by the way. It’s Julia) had to Hilbert’s destroyed room in my story was far more realistic and better-written. Nobody, I repeat, NOBODY, would react with complete carefree nonchalance with the amount of damage done to that room, much less the mother of the teenager that caused said damage!

Honestly, I’m not seeing anything worth reading on past this chapter for, but I did, and what I found horrified me, as you did absolutely NOTHING to change Ghetsis’s Accumula Town speech, merely ripping the lines right from the game word-for-word! While I admit, I did do the same thing the first time around, I have MORE than redeemed myself with what I did with that scene on my second try. In fact, that scene, and indeed the whole chapter in which it takes place, is something I’m particularly proud of.

So, to wrap up, I’m not going to read past the first three chapters that I already have, and I’d strongly advise everyone else do the same and steer clear of this thing. So far it’s been boring, derivative, and predictable to a fault, whereas I’ve been peppering up Long Way to Fall this time around with a healthy dose of scenes that aren’t in the game, like any good novelization should.

P.S: I noticed you described Cheren as wearing a tie, when he doesn’t in the first Black and White, that only happens in BW2. In BW1, it’s a red stripe on his shirt.

Just remembered why I hated Black and White too many hypocrites in Team Plasma at least Giovanni was honest and upfront in his way of using pokemons for evil...wanted to give Hilbert, Hilda and N a slap for their idiocy.

Oshawott has a high level of testosterone decent story so far but way too game like

Not gonna lie, romance development is the only down the drain part of this I'm seeing, Hilbert is way too often witnessing Hilda do some kinda fucked up shit, but immediately flirted with, becomes fine with it. Just like the bomb thing in this chapter, he should have been pretty fucken pissed. Everything else is pretty good though.

I see Skyla likes to push people off towers like in the manga

I'm reading this for the nth time now, and that scene at the end always made me kinda sad, but this time, I noticed that the last line said "Holbert", and I started cracking up instead. Heh heh.
Oshawott is the BEST btw.