Dear Pitch,

If your soul were destroyed, all you'd ever be interested in is fear and you'd never have any fears yourself, nor would you kidnap a twelve year old to turn her into your adoptive daughter.

Also, you need to stop sleeping with all these women. Your successes are making the rest of the Guardians look bad, especially Bunny who is technically a creature of a rabbit physiology and so should have no issues with during plenty of miniature Bunnies.

Sincerely,

Readers.

Dear Sandy,

If that were the case, you would write your opinions, thoughts and ideas instead of assuming that we all like playing Pictionary.

Sincerely,

Readers.

Dear North,

If that were the case, why is there a half empty cup of Eggnog standing beside a bottle of vodka on your desk?

Unless you would like to be fired, I suggest you stop lying,

Your boss, Manfredi Lunanoff.

Dear Tooth,

We have videoed proof that you have a crush on Jack.

Sincerely,

The fangirls.

Dear Jack,

It is all that and more.

Pitch only calls it a staff because Shepherd's crook is too much of a mouthful.

Sincerely,

Onyx.

Dear Jack,

Get a barber and grow a beard and then MAYBE we'll stop calling you a pixie.

Sincerely,

Readers.

Dear Pitch,

You can run, but you can't hide...~

Sincerely,

Fangirls.

P.S, how does your hair look so soft, your eyes so sincere and how can your voice melt butter?

P.P.S - ignore that, Jenny is just a little too eager to meet you. Maybe hang around under my bed instead. Or better yet

P.P.P.S - Ignore Shelly, she's just a hormonal teenager. But please DO visit.

Dear Aster,

I have no idea what to say, except that this thing is nightmare fuel.

The readers surely must realise the two of us tried to kill each others friends, allies and families.

I would stop them, but the idea of you having nightmares because of this is mildly appealing, I must admit.

So ta ta for now,
Pitch Black the one and only Spirit of Fear, boogeyman and King of Nightmares Extraordinaire.

Dear Pitch,

We all know you aren't a gay pedophile, but anyone is willing to do horrid things in the name of revenge.

Still, glad for the clarification,

Readers.

Dear everyone, especially Pitch,

Why not? Maybe you could learn a thing or two there about decency.

Sincerely,

Readers.

P.S - patiently awaiting seeing you all as teenagers or teachers.

No worries, we're totally over that phase,

Yours insincerely,
Readers.

Dear Jack,

You froze a bunch of elves, a gold fish, a human tongue and set off a greyhound on Bunny.

Don't tell me you're not insane.

Sincerely,

Readers.

Dear Pitch,

We are aware. But hypothetically speaking, if you and Jack were to partake in a Drag Queen contest, who do you believe would win?

Sincerely,
The readers that are hoping to see said hypothetical scenario with their own eyes.

Dear Jack,

Technically, you were harming yourself in those fics. And abusing yourself.

Sincerely,
Readers.

Dear Jamie/James Bennett,

You cannot be certain of that, (mostly because last we checked you can't look into the future)

Readers