slapping someone of the same sex on the butt is a lesbian thing. nice to see you approve of that type of behavior between a mother a daughter

I can definitely understand they 4 year old in a 16 year old's body. your character is pathetic. if your character is based on you then...…..yeesh

I loved this! great job

Yay jacob gets what he deserves! Too bad mara couldnt find a better guy than him.

I really hope now that jacob doesn’t get mara. You wrote him as the perfect asshat and i utterly hate him in this fic. Lol so u doing a good job writing.

Jacob still doesn’t deserve mara. U made him extremely unlikable and its hard to see what can make him come back to being likable.

Jacob doesn’t deserve mara. Quill does. Hes awesome

The beginning of this chapter had me laughing so hard

Quil and mara relationship is everything I love it

I'm sorry, but this was awful

It's been years since I've seen an update and you might not even see this but I feel like leaving my comment would necessary if you ever comeback and maybe continue with the Paul imprinting story on top of me just feeling just giving credit where credit is due. I for one absolutely loved the development of the story it flowed so well when matched with the original and it didn't feel to farfeted it was pretty well written and the story was just so beautiful I especially like how you closed out the ending as a letter to better in the future like it was beautiful because it was a letter but also sad when you realized that Mara and Jacob died which is to be expected but you kind of had this feeling of them wanting to live and love each other forever by the end of the story which is a really amazing feeling for a fanfic...now for some of the things I personally could have done with out. Now I'm not a big fan of Bella my self and actually hater how she treated Jacob in the original and felt that he was better for her. And I know that your intent was to create sibling rivalry with in the story and to get the audience to like Mara better and see her as the victim but I don't think you needed to over the top with it like Bella's thoughts were Simply horrible she was selfish thought about her self and was just an over all bad person faking to care about Harry's death and making every moment about her on top of not even helping her sister who was almost killed. I feel like you still could have establish there relationship in a rivalry kind of way that did take Bella out her true character from the franchise because she was selfless and loved people she was pretty much just a bad person and selfish with jack in terms of wanting him to stay with her despite loving him more then she did him. And even if you did wanted to do it like that I feel like in Bella's perspective you could have made her actually love and care about her sister but her actions may come out wrong but in Maras perspective paint Bella to be that person that you did in your story. But I get it you had to do that to build a fan base for Mara and have people rally around here...it just came off a little bias is all. Also after the Kane situation you could have naturally had Jacob just fall out of love with Bella after watching Mara die in his arms potentially scaring him, but yah know. Another thing I could have done with out was the random Adlibs and slurs and or word choices during certain instances, like when Mara saw laurant and compared him to a crack head, or calling the wolf pack a pay of gay Gogo boys. Or whatever I guess to establish casual conversations of today but I wasn't a fan I get after writing and editing for hours you may want a little humor by adding those things like dick head or "no shxt" in between certain lines but I feel like it took away some of the serious points in the story like you can throw in humor with out trying so hard yah know? like the random slurs and word choices like
Gay
Fuck
Bitch
And baby (like why is Jake even calling her baby when they haven't even dated on top of it being just cringe worthy lol)

I hope there's no hard feelings with my critiques because never the less I still enjoyed the character and the story it was so beautiful jaw dropping and just over all a really lovely and loving story I two become falling in love the board game was your own brand of twilight and I can honestly say that I loved it Thank you and great work.

Aww that was a cute story, I loved how it ended!
1. The imprint is much stronger though, I think you should've expressed Jacob's intense struggles because the imprint is almost IMPOSSIBLE to resist, right?
2. Bella was a bitch. Yup. But it's nice to know she cared for Mara.
Also.. Why are these Jacob shippers also attracted to PAUL? *smirk smirk* This is the second time I've read (from someone who made a Jacob oc fanfiction) that they want to also make one for Paul. Damn.
Anyway, nice knowing you! Keep it up!

i like nina or maia

I'm back! "evil laugh"

nope. i am not okay. not at all. beautiful... but god damn it. that ending was so bitter sweet. 60 years later i just. . . . ughhhhhhh.
also, i never understood why bella had to die. she could have just made herself look older slightly with makeup for at least 25 years, then died? it is not that hard. my friends do it all the time for movies, theater, and cosplay.