Lol freaking Lady Galadriel Arceus xD

I thought Vi stood for either Violence, Vicious or Vice, not Victoria...

Yeah I’m probably done with this fanfic

It’s just kinda going all over the place now, and i don’t care much because the characters are boring

I guess Vi is kinda interesting... but I’m biased and can’t see that cuz I kinda hate her.

Why did Cynthia freeze at the sight of danger and need to be saved?

Eh.

This chapter had ups and downs.

Seeing Cynthia be a badass and being scary was really cool, or it would’ve been if not for the fact that her only motivation in life seems to be Ash.

Can’t she bring that side out for anything else?

Okay- here’s the thing

I feel like multiple times you heavily hinted that Pokephelia might be a thing.

Like a Gardevoir kissing Ash on the forehead. It’s a Pokemon. It’s a battle creature, a pocket monster. Sure it is sentient and rather intelligent, but it is NOT human.

And then did that Luna Pokemon really say “how dare this filthy man touch me, only master has earned that right?!”

What the fuck is up with that?!

Dude please do not go that route, people should not kiss or be romantically involved or anything with POKEMON. AT ALL.

I got a few problems.

Cynthia is not the Cynthia I want to read about. She has spent almost every chapter crying and doing little else.

I love Cynthia, she’s my favorite character and I absolutely hate seeing her in fanfics that don’t use her right.

And I don’t think you’re using her right man.

The writing is good, I don’t want you to think this is a flame. Like I’m not saying this fanfic is trash. You’re great at writing, your chapters are well balanced in length, the dialogue is pretty good and you have characters interact with each other that shows they have years of history behind them.

This story DEFINITELY has good aspects to it. It definitely has some upsides.

So please don’t mistake this for me trying to flame you, I promise my critiques are meant only to be constructive.

This does seem like a typical betrayal fanfic. Sure the details might be a little different and he friends who end up apologizing might be a little different from the norm as well, but I really doubt there’s anything about this betrayal fic that really sets it apart from the rest in any meaningful way.

Here’s usually how a betrayal fic goes:

-Everyone betrays Ash (except Cynthia) for reasons that involve almost all the characters being COMPLETELY out of character.
-ash goes off by himself with his Pokemon and becomes a badass, probably something involving Aura
-Ash hooks up with Cynthia
-Ash makes them regret betraying him

Now some of the details are different, sometimes the ‘betrayers’ are fooled into it but either way it happens. Usually Cynthia (why do people act like the Sinnoh Champion is in his friend group at all?) doesn’t betray Ash despite everyone else doing so.

The ways in which Ash becomes a badass are sometimes different too but it’s usually aura.

Then Cynthia falls in love with him at some point, it not before he got betrayed then usually around this point, yada yada.

It’s all so terribly boring and almost none of it is unique, they’re usually poorly written as well because the idea is stupid to begin with (I admit this fanfic is better because he writing is pretty good)

The annoying part is these are the fanfics Cynthia is usually in. And they absolutely waste what could be a great character.

Cynthia should be more than a love interest. I don’t give a shit about this girl who’s crying over Ash, I want to know about the strong and beautiful Sinnoh Champion, I want to know her story. Why is she the way she is? How did they become so close when they never move past pleasant acquaintance canonically?

All this chapter did is answer “Why does she love Ash?”

And I admit, I actually really liked that part. I liked how she called his other friends LITTLE GIRLS in comparison to her, said that Ash was HERS. Said that she could handle whatever danger might threaten her.

And this is GOOD. Because it’s been hinted that Cynthia is this strong and powerful woman. She seems to think she is, other people reference her as such, but all we’ve seen is her cry over this man for 4 days and nights.

It’s not perfect, and it’s definitely not in a satisfying way, but at least in that flashback we get SOMETHING, even if it’s small and might seem pointless, that shows that Cynthia at least is outspoken.

Anyway i got off topic. My point is Cynthia needs to develop more, stop focusing on Ash.

Because this Ash isn’t that much different from most other betrayal fic Ash’s if I’m being honest.

But the fact that you even HINTED that Cynthia is more than just a lovestruck woman so unconditionally in love with Ash her life revolves around him means that you have a chance for your Cynthia to be different from all other betrayal fic Cynthia’s.

I do hope you went that route, because it leans heavily towards another boring Cynthia. Another waste of a character. So I have my fingers crossed and I’m gonna keep reading.

lovely reference to hero of war by rise against if that was intentional

My goodness, had to reread the whole story to familiarize myself with it again. I realized that I missed it a lot! Great to see it come back, I enjoyed the teaser. All the best!

good chapter.
ask who was behind the torture, and would like to see more of the torture.

Will there ever be more or anything? Been over a year! Suspense is killing Pikachu!

Nice chapter
I liked the idea with using the lyric from hero of war to talk about his career as a ranger with aaron

Man I am glad go see this one back. Love the progress, keep it going bro!

what happened to ash and gardevoir in the past few days that made her act more intimate towards him?

This is a really good fic. Kudos to you for all the time and effort spent writing it. But one thing you might want to do is put a disclaimer saying that you don't own pokemon or any of its characters at the start of each chapter. Other than that, keep up the good work. I had to post this review in chapter 1 because I have already reviewed most of the other chapters before you rewrote the fic