Honestly, Jasper's base personality is one who wanted to be a soldier. The version of Jasper I have in my head is one who thinks of things pragmatically. That's how military strategism works. I think Jazz would disprove of the war because it was costly and garnered more problems than it fixed.

Alice would have probably seen the end of the war long before it was actually over and the version of Alice I have in my head wouldn't have concerned herself with
becoming impassioned human politics because she could see the outcomes of major decisions/elections beforehand. I think Alice is mostly the type of person who doesn't worry about things she doesn't need to because she relies on her gift. Her pragmatism actually makes her a good match for Jasper in this way. They seem to focus on solutions to a problem rather than putzing about the issue itself.

I agree with your interpretation of Rosalie's response; she's a passionate person. It doesn't surprise me that she would be passionate about this.

I think Esme's distaste for this war would go fat beyond "just wanting everyone to get along." Esme is a very compassionate person, much differently than Carlisle. She's a mother and wife, and I could easily see her empathising with women who's husbands and sons were sent to die for US colonialism. She would be very sad.

Carlisle is extremely compassionate, but my take is that his compassion comes from his sense of morality rather than it being innate. Christians tend to be that way; they pat themselves on the back for exhibiting human decency like that somehow makes them less annoying and more special than other people. He would have seen it as his duty as a good Christian and as a doctor who saves lives to protest this particular war. I have no doubt that he was disgusted by the unnecessary loss of life, but again, I think that disgust is more ingrained in him because of his father's teachings than it is innate.

Emmett is a wildcard to me because I see two versions of him in my mind: one who is very childish, funloving, and jubilant, and the other who is serious, compassionate, and protective. These are just two sides to his personality. I don't see him liking death to Innocents. He's always seemed very caring and understanding. I see him as sort of a boy blunder: he always has the best intentions, but it doesn't always turn out the way he expected. He probably would have joined the active protests because of Rosalie's influence. Emmett seems relatively jovial and doesn't get impassioned too much, rather his fixation on something doesn't last very long. His emotional outbursts are quick to leave.

Also, I would love to PM you about your story. I have hella things to say and they would be too lengthy for a review. Let me know if you'd be willing to have a conversation about it.

i love you just for the snotty part i laughed for like 10 minutes because accurate

I would call this story an unqualified success. You've kept the essentials of the original Twilight but made it more rational and consistent, and removed some of the more glaring inconsistencies. Most of all, you've salvaged the characters. Rosalie has been given a complete, and much needed, factory refit, and is now the tragic but understandable frozen-in-time rape victim rather than the uppity blonde who kind of had it coming. You've also made Edward less controlling and overbearing, and actually quite likeable. And, of course, Bella is less of a doormat. All of them are less two-dimensional than in the original, and more interesting, without losing the drama or romance of the novel, or the main plot points. And your writing style is fun to read as well. Mission accomplished. Thanks for an enjoyable story; I'm moving on to the sequel.

Well, thanks for ripping Rosalie's trauma and character development out of less thoughtful hands. Nicely done.

I also share your indignation about Charlie's distinctly un-fatherly reaction to Bella being assaulted. That scene left a very bad taste in my mouth.

Great introduction to the family. I agree about the endless white. I would have thought the Cullens saw more than enough white as it is LOL.
Speaking of which, I definitely agree that Meyer's perfectly whitened vampires was problematic, to say the least. (In the movie adaptations, I notice that they let originally non-white vampires go ahead and be non-white.) Not to be snarky or controversial, but the Mormons *did* have something of a history with this. I recall reading about how Native American children's skin was expected by LDS missionaries to lighten if they joined Mormonism. True, as the Book of Mormon tells us, "in 1978 God changed his mind about black people," but maybe Meyer had already absorbed too much of the original interpretation.
I did like the way you managed Edward's dealings with other women, including Tanya. He's no longer weirdly asexual, but he seems to me consistent with a nicely brought up teenaged boy from 1918, attracted to women but held back by a combination of ingrained propriety and lack of confidence. Works for me.

Taking murder seriously is another big change in your version of events. The original Cullens spoke a bit too glibly about killing humans, considering the lengths they supposedly took to avoid it, so it was good to see Jasper stricken with genuine remorse.
I had sort of rationalized that Bella overlooked these things because of the overpowering, apparently supernatural bond that had been established between herself and Edward. As she said in the novel, "it doesn't matter what you are," because they were destined soul mates or whatever. But really, it's just Meyer, introducing horrors and moral atrocities and then just letting them pass when they've served their literary purpose. She approached Rosalie's gang rape more or less that way; and it was the same with Edward's killing spree. Unless she's meant to be completely amoral or insane (which she wasn't), Bella should have been more outraged by it, even if she understood. It should, at the very least, have caused a bit of a serious couple talk.

Once again, a lot more realism in Bella's first experience with riding a vampire. She's still impressed, but also terrified and nauseous, which makes sense.

I appreciate the way you experiment with the possibilities of vampire life. The idea that they could do less harm, and possibly some good, with their hunting choices has occurred to me. Why not specialize in invasive, non-native species, feral cats, or even rats? (Rats are supposed to be the most similar to humans in blood chemistry, so they ought to be very tasty morsels to the discerning undead.) Do some good and leave the endangered species alone. Of course, white-tailed deer, which they are described as hunting frequently, are probably fine; around here they have to do a periodic cull anyway, because of a lack of traditional predators. I did like to see that Rosalie took a responsible attitude to whales.

I don't entirely agree with the pain idea. Sure, vampires should also feel pain, but if pain in humans is a sign of injury or near-injury, it should be the same for vampires. Very little can injure them, so they should seldom feel pain. If the extreme cold doesn't slow or stiffen them, presumably it can't injure them, and so ought to be painless. There might be a personal preference for one temperature over another, one kind of surface over another, but there shouldn't be real discomfort. However, your approach does give them and their adventures a bit more depth and interest, so I don't really object.

Luminous blood - or blood-replacement - is as good an explanation as any of the sparkling vampire phenomenon. You also have the good sense to know when not to explain further. The Tardis is simply bigger on the inside than the outside, and vampire blood reflects light, and no more needs to be said.

I'm enjoying the way you retell the story but block Edward's stalker tendencies, as well as his inclination to take over, control everything, and make Bella's decisions for her. This Edward is even able to see his outmoded forms of chivalry objectively and set it aside, however reluctantly, rather than try to impose it on Bella. Your Bella is still supernaturally smitten, but not willing to give up her free will; while your Edward lacks most of the autocratic, controlling tendencies of the original. Your version really brings home how one-sided and dysfunctional their relationship was.

I had my doubts about introducing these non-canon relationships with humans, but I can see why you brought them in. I'm assuming this is leading to an Edward whose ingrained early-20th century values have adapted and taken on new forms.

This chapter is a real improvement over the original, even while keeping the basic storyline intact. Funny how making some fairly minor differences alters the feeling of the chapter so completely.
Much obliged for removing the second gang rape. Threats from a hostile, paranoid drug addict works just as well for the story, without the problematic sexual implications. I'm a little sorry you omitted Bella's immediate impulse to fight her attackers hand to hand, however hopeless the attempt; it shows she has some spunk, and prefigures her vampire self.
I also like the way you subtly changed the dialogue to allow Bella to recognize the red flags Edward presented. Not only that, to have Edward acknowledge that he was being "creepy and wrong" and acting like a stalker. She's also more insightful, and more direct, about Edward's mysterious half-statements, which is refreshing. Your Bella has her wits about her, and at least goes into this highly questionable situation with her eyes open.

I love the conversation here between Bella and Edward. He's being circumspect, but can't seem to stop giving out these hints, which are also hints to the reader (in the hypothetical instance of a reader who hadn't read the original novel already). "It was incredible; you should have seen it" LOL - it's much too careless; clearly he subconsciously wants to reveal all. Oh, and having him covertly declare his love through the device of reciting a German love poem was charming.
I also like your musical choices. Claire de Lune is a piece a teenaged girl might like, if she's a girl with limited exposure to classical music; but Edward is a bit beyond that.

The detailed description of Rosalie's revenge is disturbing but also fantastic, and a great way to open the chapter. Her grief, and Edward's sympathy and attempts to help, put things in a different light, a far more discerning one that gives Rosalie's trauma its due. And, as you've mentioned, dispenses with the need to make her a heartless creep and thereby minimize her attack.
I thought that Rosalie's situation, addressed more thoughtfully, could be the most horrifying of all the Cullen origin stories. The novels made a point of repeating that the vampires are "frozen" as they are when they are changed. If so, that means Rosalie was permanently frozen in the emotional status of a recent victim of violent gang rape. She ought to be not merely resentful, but mentally unhinged. it's satisfying to see someone take this part of the storyline seriously

I'm enjoying your writing style. Also, you've already made Edward significantly more likeable than the prototype.

Regarding the "marble hands" etc, I read one explanation of that which was interesting. It's about Bella's perspective. To most people, a vampire would feel cold "like a corpse;" would seem pale and immobile "like a dead body." She is already past that point, and sees/feels Edward like a beautiful marble statue.

You're right that the kind of body Meyer describes would be impractical in many ways, but as you suggest, a traditional vampire, which is essentially an animated corpse, doesn't exactly work as a romantic lead. My own explanation would be, Meyer-esque vampires are hard and impenetrable, yet flexible, and sparkle in the sunlight, because their transformed flesh is made up of billions of infinitesimal, diamond-hard particles, bound together by some form of energy, like gravity. The space between the particles allows for movement, but the force that binds them together is too powerful to be harmed by ordinary means. How's that for overthinking things?

Once again, familiar passages are given some realism and liveliness. I'm enjoying this.

I agree with your objections to Rosalie. Why should a young woman with such modest hopes and expectations have to be such a malicious shrew? Maybe the idea was that writing her as mean and self-centred made her gang rape a bit less tragic. On the other hand, her being shallow, vain, and uncaring also served to explain why Edward had no interest in her. I'm sure you'll find an alternate explanation.

Adjusting the Cullens' age makes sense. At the very least, the supposed parents should have taken pains to look like thirty-somethings; and making Carlisle appear a bit older than the others just works better dramatically.

I took an interest in your intention to revise Twilight, giving the characters a real personality, and repairing the inconsistencies and gaping plot holes. So far, so good. It's both more realistic and more intriguing, not to mention more adult. Definitely going to read on.