okay my heart broke, like, thirty times all through out the whole story. geez i get so affected by these, literally my heart gets so heavy and i cry. this was so sweet and full of heartaches. loved it.

Super sad but I absolutely loved it haha

I spent the first 2/3 of this story marveling at the balancing act you pulled off here, teetering between tragedy and black comedy without ever firmly landing on either side of the fence. Of course, that changed once I got to the scene at the McCormick house, when you filled in the details of the Charlie back story. That fucking wrecked me, and I spent the last 1/3 of the story in tears.

In addition to being an incredibly sad story, it is also an incredibly moving one. I think the greatest reason for this is that the details of late middle age that you employ here ring true from start to finish: Kyle’s skepticism over Charlie’s pursuance of seemingly useless advanced degrees though he has several himself, Kyle’s hand on his thigh being the most sexually charged thing to happen to Stan all year, Kyle feeling like a lonely old man only when he returns to South Park, Stan and Randy discussing the difficulty of marriage in the car ride back from the Broflovski house, Stan envying Butters’ and Eric’s weird little life together, etc. These palpable instances of nostalgia and regret and loss help to capture the anxiety over getting old and feeling as though you've missed your chance. You embody this anxiety in heartbreaking, painstaking precision in both Stan and Kyle, both of whom are striking, fully-realized tragic figures by the end of the story. What makes it even more powerful is that the troubles that plague both of them are ordinary, sometimes even banal, reinforcing the depressing reality that their story is not unique and that life is short and that sooner or later, we're all going to die.

Which is not to say that I found this story to be a downer. On the contrary, I thought it was full of life. As much as I cried in the last 1/3, I smiled or laughed in the first 2/3. There were so many great details and nuances that enriched the story. Some of my favorites included Wendy cheating with Token every year when they return to South Park; Eric being a gay, libertarian surrogate son to Jimbo and Ned; Sheila being described as "hefty and vivacious"; Cartman breeding overpriced, designer cats; etc. And I could go on and on. As always, you did a great job in this story of speaking volumes through small details such as these. They were wonderful moments and made the story an even greater joy to read.

Stray observations:
-I liked how mysterious everything was in the first scene. It was an effective use of vagueness and made me want to know more about everything.
-Speaking of which... as you've done in several other stories, I noticed here that you revealed details about back stories bit by bit, leaving the reader to initially wonder what roles people like Kyle, Kenny, and Charlie played in Stan's life before eventually revealing all of the necessary information. In general, I have mixed feelings about this peeling-away-the-back-story-like-an-onion approach to storytelling (I generally prefer more straightforward narratives), but the eventually-revealed details are so piercing and heartbreaking here that I'm glad you chose to do it this way.
-Your handling of Randy's dementia was a refreshing dose of black comedy, shuffling from the light (his "ground breaking" research, him calling Stan "bro" as if he was a roommate) to the heavy (his not remembering that Sharon is dead and only occasionally recalling who Stan actually is) seamlessly.
-This is small and kind of random, but I thought this was a wonderful sentence: "He's always sad that none of them look like Kyle, though of course they don't."
-Stan and Kyle lying in bed and reminiscing about their first time was a beautiful scene, a fleeting and very welcome moment of hopeful nostalgia before those heart-wrenching reflections on Stan and Kyle's raising and losing Charlie.

Great stuff! I'm so glad I read it.

Cheers,
TEPR

why am i tearing up tho

i love this

This was so well written. Like, I cried so hard, omg. Very sad.

Shit oh god shit! You really know how to pull the heart strings don't you? It was just water works the whole damn way through...

Old people make me seriously sad. Especially when they're unhappy with the life they've led and feel it's simply too late to start over again. I mean, isn't that just the saddest thing in the world? Old people and loss and love all mixed into one big pot of sobs and sniffles? And Charlie! My best friend's son is named Charlie so this made it even worse to read in a way. Kenny is a total douche for doing what he did but I can't say I blame him. He lost Bebe and Charlie was the last piece he had but that was taken away from him as well. Everyone's so fucked up in this story! And Randy! Wah! So sad! This whole thing just kept reminding me of the Notebook, and then I'd cry even harder because I'm just a person made purely of sap and mush.

Their last little parting though! Ugh, that killed me, the stupid little coffee table! Ugh! UGHHHH! So many FEELS! URUUUGH!

You have a special talent for complicated relationships and making me cry. You're a master at crafting sad stories that could so easily be someone's tragic reality. UGH! THE FEELS! I seriously love you dude. Seriously.

I don't know if I feel sad after reading this. Emotional turmoil. I liked it though.

Hey there!
(i meant to review long ago but the internet denied me...)
I always love the way you mature everyone
Even if their lives aren't ideal its always so amazing the way you write them
Stan and Kyle could only ever love each other but the way their life turned out keeps them from being together
Whether it was the son they finally gained who was only taken away, randys condition, or south park itself
But the two can never deny the other..
The memory of stan asking Kyle out was adorable with Kyle laughing out of happiness and shock and leaving stan confused!
Randy is usually someone i don't care much for but i can't help but feel for sad that he lost himself the day he lost sharon
Both ike and shelly ended up happily married with kids which is such a contrast from stan and kyle
The only pure happiness i can find is selfish because at least butters and cartman ended up happy together (i love the two of them especially when they're in love and imaging them with a bunch of cats is cute)!
I loved the part where stan was thinking that when liane got too old butters would be a perfect caretaker and how cartman would watch the love of his life take care of his mom as if she was their child
The ending was perfect and sad at the same time
Stan was still stuck in south park taking care of his confused father but he would still be able to make Kyle part of his life by making him the table
So another amazing fic from another amazing author!
i can't wait to see the words you offer to us readers next!
Cya!

That was absolutely wonderful, and wonderfully depressing. I think the stories that hurt most are also the ones that hit hardest.

This affected me on two levels: First that heart breaking back story you gave Stan and Kyle, and second (and this was much more subtle, and maybe I even read too much into it?) the whole we're getting older thing, with all the lost opportunities, and soon we'll all be like Randy. The fact that they were just a little older than me made it even more powerful, or personal.

Thanks for this.

I loved this sad holiday fic. It's not nearly as depressing as you made it seem, though obviously there are sad elements to it. I think the strongest part of this story is that it ends on a hopeful note that suggests possible future steps forward for Stan and Kyle, and it left me relatively optimistic without filling in a resolution about Stan shipping Randy off to Michigan and going with Kyle to live in Texas with a new surrogate baby. I think it demonstrates a lot of maturity and poise on your part as a writer that you can let these possibilities stand without holding the reader's hand through what happens next. Maybe things won't get better, and maybe things will be depressing for a while, and maybe next year Kyle will show up with some new guy. Or maybe he won't, and I really feel it demonstrates serious sophistication that you're able to let the main text work for itself. (Not that I wouldn't have loved reading a follow-up epilogue about what happened next, but this piece of writing is great the way it is!)

I loved how this story was structured, peeling away at the history between Stan and Kyle. I also relished a lot of the little details here and there: Wendy and Token's ongoing, somewhat-passive affair; Cartman and Butters raising super-gay cats ('don't call them Turkies' is a highlight for me); Jimbo deep-frying corn cobs. In a lot of stories you've kind of written Randy off or out as a cad, leaving Sharon to act as almost a single parent, and I think that's a perfectly reasonable prediction. But I like this one a lot, too, as it demonstrates the kind of pathetic smallness of Randy as a person, in how even as an old man slowly going senile he's got an obnoxious/dismissive streak. It also demonstrates how the family falls apart without Sharon, and how badly she's missed. I like these investigations of the Marsh family, and it's interesting to see how the way you write them has evolved. I don't think anyone has paid them as much incisive attention as you have. Generally this fic reminds me of "Boxing Day" and Julads' secret Santa fic from last year, in that they all center around this theme of holiday reconciliation back home, and yet they are all such distinct and accomplished stories.

I also like Stan and Kyle here, and the mechanism of their relationship. I'm a S/K essentialist, in that I think they are basically meant to be together no matter what. (I don't think this way in real life, only with Stan and Kyle.) So it's interesting to see them fall apart so hard in one sense, and yet the thing that makes them need each other never dies away. And the stuff with Charlie is truly heartbreaking, and it does a lot to demonstrate what Stan and Kyle can do together (obviously this kid needed Stan and Kyle, and they were there for him) and how they fall apart/diminish separately.

Even though this story is gloomy overall, I had tons of fun reading it. Parts of it are juicy, as you have to find out where all the characters are at this point in their lives, and a lot of it is austere, especially Stan's life in general, and the loneliness of him perfecting a craft in his garage, away from people except his father for the most part. Kyle's life, too, which sounds stable but perfunctory in a lot of ways. Yet this was a fulfilling read, and I think I'll revisit it often. Thanks for posting this!

This was a beautiful story. There were so many things I loved about it. Oh god, all the angst and nostalgia was brilliantly portrayed. You described Stan's feelings so well too.

A way that this story is truly powerful is that you showed that everyone gets older, but not always on the inside. Although Stan, Kyle, Cartman, and Butters were in their mid-fifties, you managed to keep them all in-character. I never thought I'd be able to picture the boys at such an old age but you did a brilliant job.

My favorite part was Stan remembering Costa Rica. Picturing him and Kyle bundled up, watching the rain made me so warm inside.

As I said, the characters are in check. Even though Randy was senile, you still kept him perfectly in-character. I could relate this to my own life as well. My grandparents died recently and my grandma had dementia. This really brought personal memories.

Brilliant story - I loved every second of it.

Christ, as if I needed this.

However many months on I'm still not over The Book Thief, and that just served a reminder that all my favourite characters will one day die. You remind me they're going to get old first.

It's fucking Thanksgiving. I know we don't have it in Britain but you could at least be nice.

And if the life Stan and Kyle have involve Kenny getting bitchy about his kid... Look, I don't like to think Kenny would do that. He's the guy who can make those sacrifices. But then when it comes to offspring biologically he's programmed to protect them no matter what. It could happen.

All of this could happen and that's why I hate it. I hate it the same way I hate The Book Thief. It reminds me of things I don't want to be reminded of. Anything that can give me an emotional response like that - that I hate it because it told me something I didn't want to hear - is always worth it.

It's good. It could even be great. That doesn't mean I don't hate it though.