holy shit azure wtf

Well... It didn't turn into a militaristic fic... Good.

It is very well written (although English is not my mother language, so...), and with good dialogues.

The Lemmon was good, not very realistic but good.

All the characters were a bit OOC (someone a lot), way too... mmm... juvenile?... for my taste. But ok.

The "Ron's faults" thing, and the total nonexistence of Hermione flaws, errors, or even the minor self criticism for her was a big put out.

In general? Good.

It has helped me to spend some days of quarantine with my mind out of this troubled times, so MANY THANKS. Really.
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For your next fiction, please, use a plot: Presentation, Problem, and solution.

There are basically, three kind of plots:
1. Romantic/friendship (how two people end together in a romantic, or friendly way).
2. Growing (how a person mature, change, and better himself).
3. Factual (how a problem is solved).

In the H.P. books the three plots are:
1. The Ron-Hermione developing love through the years, dangers and heartbreaks.
2. Almost all this plot is Ron's growing and facing his fears. (as Harry mature/change very little in the books, and Hermione almost nothing).
3. The rise and fall of Voldemort/Harry preparation to face Voldemort.

Usually works better if all the plots affect each other, and are all solved at the end of the story.
...

There is a very interesting theory about an alchemical background plot (yes, as in the first book: The Philosopher's Stone) in all the H.P. series construction.

Basically, to transform lead (the abused Harry of first book) into golden (hero Harry) seven steps must be followed to “purify” him (seven years), using two components, Sulfur and Mercury, also known in alchemy as “the quarreling couple”.

Mercury is the White Queen. She’s logical and cold, and represents the mind. (Hermes and Mercury are the same God, and Hermione is the feminine form of Hermes. Even Hermione Granger: Hg: Mercury)

Sulfur is also called the Red King (Weasley is our King?). He’s emotional and hot-tempered, represents the soul. (His colors are red and orange... where have I seen this before?).

The Red King and the White Queen must united to make the Philosopher's Stone, and their union is symbolized by a Rose... Rose, as the name of their daughter.

Curious, is isn't?...

Well... Another party. And... I don't know...

Good, but there is a rule on narrative: show is always better than tell.

Ok. Now Ginny is an adult... Poor Harry!... He, he, he...

Ohhhh... The Luna/Neville is finished?... A pity. It was really good.

I hope we will see more of them! Maybe as only friends, or evrn as friends with benefits?... It would be hard to cut all "sexual ties" so fast.

Anger?... Ron had a problem with anger?... And then, what have Hermione? Or Harry? A pathological problem?

Hermione ATTACKED Ron, and broke their friendship for half year in an uncalled, ridiculous and childish jealous tantrum. A fine example of good anger management! LOL...

And Harry's finest moment!... He put the CRUCIATUS curse on someone for the horrid crime of spit in McGonagall face!?...Honesty? This is exactly what a Death Eater would do. Another fine example of anger management. (And double standards).

When Ron did something like this? Mmm... NEVER?... For sure, he never did put the cruciatus on someone, and He never attacked Hermione or Harry.

The difference is while Ron becomes angered, Hermione becomes VIOLENTLY angered (This happened various times), and Harry? Murderous angered?... Because the cruciatus is not a joke, but one of the Unforgivable (but for Harry) curses.

Really... Read the books.

And then a lot of "Chi things"...

Honestly, I hope for the fic to go to Ron and Harry's Auror training as soon as possible. Aurors are the elite of the elite, (some years NOBODY can end the training) so they will teach him all about magic and muggle fighting, both at long range and in close combat.

And still the fic have no plot. Things... only happen... No meaning.

"Violence forced you to evolve from a boy who cared only for himself to a man who cared for his family and friends first and himself last."

Totally wrong: Violence NEVER makes you better, but worse.

Ron matured from an insecure and low self-esteem boy, who ALWAYS cared for his family and friends (NEVER a boy who cared only for himself, as we saw from year one in the giant chess, and in every year, a hundred times... READ THE BOOKS! Please.) to a more secure, and realistic man, facing and conquering his fears, as He did destroying the locket, and realising Hermione wasn't a perfect goddess, but normal person as flawed as him, if not more (Oh, what a great offence!)... Basically Ron did it GROWING... As all teenagers do.

In the books Ron's "adulthood" is marked with the locket destruction, Hermione's one with the Cup destruction.
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"I had started to notice a hidden power within you"

Nigel Yoda?...

Sorry Nigel, but Ron solved his self-esteem problems by himself (And, a bit, thanks to the often horrid behaviour of Hermione... the Lavender meltdown is a wonderful example).
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"As a Doctor with a degree not only in dentistry but also in Psychology"...

Now, Nigel is a Psychologist? Let's see... Army, SAS, Martial master, Dentistry, Psychology... Something more?... Ah! And a degree in magic's hidden powers... Nigel's days have 72 hours?
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"I was never fighting you at full strength mano. I am a soldier and a martial artist, I know how to handle myself in a fight."

Is he idiot?... Well, No. Actually He is only a victim. He knows NOTHING at all about magic. So he can't know a burst in Ron's magic could have killed him instantaneously (And painted the wall with his brains)... Nigel was using him as disposable cannon fodder for his "experiments with magic"... Wonderful.
...

Honestly? The last chapters were a lot better... All the "Ron faults" thing forgotten, and the Hermione worshipping at low level... But now, this fic is becoming a militaristic worshipping fic?... A "Harry with guns" fic?... I hope not!...

BTW.
Wizards have comics, gossip magazines, Rock bands, etc... So they get whatever they like from the muggle culture.

Guns have 500 years of history, so wizards know perfectly what guns are. (Even more with the numerous Muggleborns, and half-bloods living in the Magic Word)... so, if Aurors and "average wizards" don't use guns is because they are useless against wizards.

"However as a result you need to be very careful while having sex. Because of your high resistance for pain you might not realize how much damage you are doing to your body. The best thing to do is to try and find alternate triggers for sexual pleasure, ones that are stronger than pain, that way after a while your brain will stop associating pain with pleasure."

I CAN'T AGREE MORE.

To play with pain can be VERY DANGEROUS. Many persons had died in this kind of "games".

Ohhhh... Please... Facepalm!

The lemmon was good... not very realistic, but good...

But when I thought: Now the fic is a lot better, still no plot, but finally we have forgot all this ridiculous nonsense about "Ron's faults", and Hermione's "divine perfection"... The fic AGAIN come back to the fannon path!?

Hermione is far from perfect. She was A LOT more abusive towards Ron (And towards Luna, Lavender, Firenze, Harry... and everyone, really), Ron ever was towards her, or anybody (But Malfoy, he, he...)

Only a little sample:

Hogwarts. FIRENZE IS THE NEW DIVINATION'S PROFESSOR.

‘I’ll bet you wish you hadn’t given up Divination now, don’t you, Hermione?’ asked Parvati, smirking.

‘Not really,’ said Hermione indifferently, who was reading the Daily Prophet. ‘I’ve never really liked horses.’

‘He’s not a horse, he’s a centaur!’ said Lavender, sounding shocked.

‘A gorgeous centaur …’ sighed Parvati.

‘Either way, he’s still got four legs,’ said Hermione coolly.

HERMIONE CAN'T BE MORE RACIST IF TRYING!... In R.L. she would have called her new hot afro-american professor, a chimpanzee. Something NOT ACCEPTABLE, not matter the situation.

Hermione can be VERY CRUEL AND VIOLENT, even reaching Umbridge levels, sometimes. Hermione abused, kidnapped, tortured, attacked and scarred persons for life... and most times in a totally unjustified or useless way.

In the films, all this was erased, and even many Ron and Harry's "brillant and/or heroics" dialogues and situations were given to Hermione.

And even in books, Hermione made this horrendous errors... But while Ron and Harry paid for them. Hermione never did, all is justified or forgotten.
...

Now... FIREARMS.

"A gun is like a wand in the way that both are tools for the people wielding them. A gun in itself is neither good nor bad."

"...he was now absolutely Terrified, like all wizards, he thought of guns to be some medieval killing machine, a glorified form of rock throwing, easily stopped with a freezing charm..."

In this Ron is totally right.

1. They are a "killing machine" (although not medieval)...

You can cook with a wand. make a house. Heal someone.
Guns? You point with a gun, you pull the trigger, he dies. The only use of a gun.

A wand is a tool, a gun is a killing machine. As simple as this.

If you want a coherent comparison, it would be, a wand and a hammer. Both are tools, and both are dangerous.

2. A "glorified form of rock (or metal) throwing"...

Well... Obviously, they are. They don't throw any rock, but metal constructed ones, but...

3. And "easily stopped".

Bullets would be stopped easily by any magic shield, or even an impervious charm, or any enchanted cloak or vest.

Muggle weapons are under the rule of physics laws, magic is above them, so basically any muggle weapon would be useless against magic.
...

PLEASE, let's maintain gun's (or political) propaganda out of Fics.
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"I have failed her twice before..." !?...

Twice?...
One, in the tent, when Hermione allowed Harry abuse Ron, and throw him out of the tent...
And the second?
Mmm... When Ron went out with Lavender? Well, it would be as saying Hermione failed Ron going out with Krum. Ridiculous... so?... mmm... No idea.

You are the writer. You know what are you talking about, readers can't if you don't help them.
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And then... Nigel makes Ron fight a muggle?... WTF... What if Ron's magic "clicks" and the muggle ends with his chest ripped open? Or if Ron crack the muggle's head open as a melon with a punch?...

Nigel has NO F. IDEA what magic can, or can't do, and push Ron against a muggle? (Not himself, of course)... This man is dangerous stupid...

"She didn't fit in with children her age, mostly because she behaved more maturely then they did, so she spent even more time with us, which made her behave even more maturely, which distanced her from her peers even more..."
...

Yes. This a very typical error with lone childs. They mimic adult behaviour and think they are very mature. Even the parents think this sometimes (as it seems in this case).

Actually they aren't. Hermione, in this case, is only a lone child used to spend her time with adults. This children very often mimic the adult way of talk, and behaviour. They can seem mature, but they aren't. They never had interacted with other children, played, rowed, had and solved conflicts, etc... The kind of experiences than really help a child to socialise and mature emotionally.

This is the case of Hermione, she is serious, intelligent and hard working, but she is not emotionally mature. Hermione is a good willed girl but she rarely thinks about other people's feelings, opinions or how her own actions will affect them... Obviously, she is not selfish, but she is a very egocentric person, with low empathy, and an aggressive personality.

The cooking part... well, not very interesting... but the Percy part was funny!

Good, but aaaaagain, the Hermione worshipping, and putting Ron down.

"...the tear blotched letters she would send her parents describing in great detail the hurtful things Ron had said to her."

But, of course, she didn't describe in the same detail the "wonderful things" she said to him, eh?... He, he...

"... I don't deny I did some pretty messed up shite... "

Mmm... Nigel knows her daughter attacked Ron's face with a flock of magic birds? If Ron had reacted one second later, He would had lost my eyes. Blind for an totally uncalled, pathetic and immature jealous tantrum... THIS is a messed up shite!

Sorry, I know I'm been a bit cruel, but the fact Hermione NEVER had addressed ANY error, nor fault made by herself seems so arrogant.

Hermione made VERY SERIOUS ERRORS, but she ignore them time after time. I think in all the fic Ron had talked about his errors and flaws... what? 20? 30 times?... And Hermione? None?... I really can't remember one time she accepted some error or flaw in herself.

About the Grangers? Not bad... The standard "Military family", very usual on fanfics.

I don't understand this chapter. A lot of it is not important, and the few ones important can be included in later chapter as flash-backs or simply mentioned by some character.

Mmm... As always, with a somewhat OOC Harry, a "pre-locket" Ron, and a perfect "MarySued" Hermione... but not bad. It's well written, good dialogues (although sometimes a bit "theatrically")... The main problem IMMO it's the plot.

Maybe I'm to conservative, but usually in the narrative are 3 phases: a Presentation, a Conflict, and a Resolution. In this fic things happens, but I can't see the plot as there is no conflict (for now)...

Well... Maybe it will appear in some chapters...