Beta Work: cathartic

Author's Note: The wonderful editing for this story is thanks to my story beta, cathartic. Thank you so much, without you this story would not be a fraction of what it is today!

-BLACK-

"We've all got both light and dark inside us. What matters is the part we choose to act on. That's who we really are." -Sirius Black (JKR)

Summer of 1970

Sirius Orion Black trudged down the dark upstairs hallway of Twelve Grimmauld Place, his stormy grey eyes trained on the dark hardwood floor as he avoided the icy stares of his ancestors. He was dressed in one of his more formal dress robes, the one with the most green trim, upon his mother's request.

He tugged at the tie around his neck, wishing he could loosen it just a bit.

"A terrible shame. I went to Durmstrang and so did my brothers as did my father and my father's father," a painting of an old aristocratic wizard told the painting across from him, an elderly witch with a severe but prettily aged face. She nodded knowingly as she gave the walking boy an arched look.

The young wizard scuffed his feet as he ignored the voices and continued on his way, having heard the sentiment too much that week for his liking. He didn't understand what the big deal was. His cousins were all attending Hogwarts. And even though his parents hadn't been overly pleased by the arrival of his initial acceptance letter, they had both been clearly relieved a few days later when he had received an interview.

"Hogwarts just hasn't been the same ever since Albus Dumbledore took over. You know, I always thought that Gellert fellow would be better suited for such a position, but I suppose it's a sign of the times," muttered a surprisingly young-looking dark-haired wizard in a painting to the right of the boy. Something in his voice gave the eleven-year old wizard cause to stop, and he found himself peering up at the man who looked a lot like himself. Sirius cocked his head, his silky, black hair sliding to the side and obscuring matching highly-arched eyebrows.

"What do you mean by that, Uncle?" The boy, who was tall for his age, only had to tilt his head back slightly to meet the matching grey eyes.

"What I mean is that some people, some wizards are better than others, Sirius. I'm sure you know this by now." The painted wizard gave the boy a level-look.

Sirius nodded slowly. He had been taught thoroughly by his parents, tutors and cousins; purebloods were superior. They were smarter, better-looking, more athletic and much more important than wizards of lesser blood-lineage. Half-blooded wizards were a product of treachery, and mudbloods were an abomination. Muggles were below animals, parasites to be squashed and should be treated as thus, clearly illustrated by the muggle-skin drapes in the Black parlor.

The painting squinted its eyes and studied the boy a little closer. "Are you sure? You almost remind me of myself when I was young, and let me tell you," he paused and looked around at his surroundings, re-used canvas and a dingier frame than the other paintings, before leaning down and whispering to the boy, "It will only land you in trouble. Somewhere like this. Just do as you're told."

Sirius's eyes widened slightly as the painting of the young wizard leaned back and looked around with a snooty air like he hadn't just whispered such odd things to the Black heir.

The boy glanced around and noticed the other paintings watching him carefully. He smiled politely and said in a practiced authoritative voice, "Of course, Uncle. I do, and I would never consider mingling with such atrocities," earning himself proud looks of approval. The young heir gave one last glance to the peculiar painting, making a mental note to visit him again before walking off at the same reluctant pace.

"Sirius! Orion! Black!" came a screechy voice from below.

"Shit." He was late.

"I heard that young man! Down here at once!" yelled the same abrasive tone, belonging to Walburga Black, his mother.

Sirius picked up his pace, resisting the urge to run, knowing it would only earn him a back-full of lashings from his mother's beloved house elf, Kreacher. He blocked out the whispers and sadistic smiles reigning down on him once more, wishing his room wasn't at the end of the long hall for the thousandth time. Sirius reached the stairway, and eyed the banister longingly before walking down the stairs at a rushed but collected pace. He heard the fireplace hooked up to the floo system flare to life in the sitting room behind the woman.

"There you are. Come to your mother, my dear," Walburga said in a suddenly sweet voice as she stood at the doorway to the now occupied sitting room with her long, thin arms outstretched and a sweet smile on her ruby-red lips as she awaited her hug.

Sirius held in a sigh and marched dutifully over to the dark-haired witch and entered the embrace without an outwardly sign of dissent, his arms wrapping around his mother and his eyes closing of their own accord as he felt a pang in his chest before warmth began to spread through it, taking its place, and he leaned more into the hug.

"Thank you, Sirius," the clipped words jerked the boy from his lapse, and he pulled back immediately. He had forgotten for a moment, the touch was customary in mixed-company and should always remain brief.

"Sorry, Mother," he said quietly, looking down at his new shoes.

"Don't mumble, Sirius," the witch chastised, before continuing in an exaggeratedly calm voice she used around visitors, "Headmaster Dumbledore is here to meet you for your Hogwart's interview."

Sirius lifted his head, peering into the room and his eyes found the wizard immediately. The old headmaster was sitting comfortably on a dark red couch with a tall stiff back. The young boy eyed the wizard carefully and received a wink back. Sirius almost let out a gasp of surprise before remembering his manners, and he stepped in further.

"Pleased to meet you, sir. I am Sirius Orion Black, eldest son and heir to the noble and most ancient house of Black," he said, bowing stiffly.

"A pleasure, Mr. Black. I am Albus Dumbledore, Headmaster of Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. Shall we talk?" the wizard offered, his eyes twinkling.

Walburga Black smiled graciously, ignoring her son's uncomfortable look and pleading gaze for her to remain with him. "I will leave you two to your meeting." The tall witch swept out of the room, her long black dress rustling softly as she lifted her hand and shut the door behind her.

Sirius stared at the door wistfully for only a beat before turning and facing the old wizard.

"Please, join me in having a seat, Mr. Black." The headmaster motioned to the couch and sat back down before lifting his wand and waving it, causing a curtain of pearlescent-colored shimmering magic to run along the walls, ceiling and floors, coating them entirely before disappearing.

Sirius recognized the privacy spell and walked over quietly. He sat down, leaving two cushion seats between them on the four-cushioned sofa, his chest fluttering with anxiety. He knew his parents and extended family didn't approve of the wizard sitting in front of him yet they had left him here in a room with him and were sending him to the school he ran, rather poorly according to them, for the next seven years. He didn't know exactly what was expected of him and so he settled on staring at his hands.

They had been sitting in silence for a few minutes when Sirius chanced a glance up, curious as to what the wizard was doing.

Sirius found himself looking into lively blue eyes, the animation in them nothing like the Black heir had ever seen before. He was used to dark, cold, calculating and distant eyes. The wizard before him though almost seemed to exude a light or a warmth from his gaze that Sirius found oddly comforting.

"Would you like some candy?" the wizard named Dumbledore asked in a surprisingly gentle voice.

Sirius blinked. "Yes, thank you," he responded and reached out, taking a small box from the wizard and reading the box silenty, Bertie Bott's Every Flavour Beans. The wizard frowned. Every flavour? That's not very specific. He opened the container and picked out a muted-green candy with light brown blotches on it.

"Oh, I wouldn't eat that one," the old wizard said quickly, his words stopping Sirius's hand holding the treat when it was almost to his lips.

"Why not?" he asked, surprised by the comment, his hand only lowering slightly.

"It's bogie flavored."

Sirius looked down at the bean, his eyebrows furrowing. "Why would they make such a flavor?"

The headmaster laughed. "Good question, Mr. Black. If I had to wager a guess, I would assume simply for the fun of it."

Simply for the fun of it, the phrase swirled in his head as he studied the candy, not putting it down. Sirius felt a smile curl up the corners of his lips in an unfamiliar fashion.

The young wizard looked into his box and scooped out another similarly colored bean. He placed the box down and held a bean in each hand, offering one out to the old wizard, who smiled gamely and took the candy. They shared a mischievous glance before placing the candy in their mouths.

"Ugh, this is disgusting!" the boy exclaimed, forgetting his manners as he choked on the candy openly.

"Yes, you don't really ever get used to it, either," the old wizard grimaced as he chewed on his own.

Sirius swallowed hard, forcing the candy down his unwilling throat and watched the old man do the same. They shared a grimace before laughing together as the flavor continued to assault their taste buds.

"Perhaps another flavor to help cleanse the palette," the wizard suggested as he picked up the box from the table and tapped two beans out onto his palm. He reached out his hand and offered Sirius first choice.

The young wizard eyed the pieces carefully. Dirty crimson, like a mudblood, or shiny green, like a Slytherin. Sirius looked up into the warm blue eyes, a questioning look in them, before reaching out and picking up the red candy defiantly. Dumbledore smiled mysteriously and they both popped the candies into their mouths once more. Sirius smiled. Apple crumb pie.

Dumbledore made a face and swallowed quickly. "Flobberworm excrement," he said wryly.

The two wizards broke into laughter once more. After ten minutes and an ear-wax, cinnamon, candy floss, sausage and dirt-flavored candy on Sirius's part, the box sat empty.

"Well, now I remember why I switched to lemondrops," Dumbledore said, using his tongue to dislodge the remains of an earthworm-flavored bean from his teeth.

Sirius smiled, loosening his tie as he sat amicably with the surprisingly likable wizard.

"Well, I should be going. It's been a pleasure getting to know you Sirius Orion Black, eldest son and heir to the noble and most ancient house of Black," the old wizard said politely as he stood, his purple robes twinkling softly in the light. "I look forward to having you attend Hogwarts in the coming month."

Sirius stood. "Please, you can call me Sirius," he said, a feeling of familiarity spurring the unadvisable words from the wizard before he could stop them. He might have not been sure how he was expected to behave around the headmaster, but he knew this was definitely not it.

The tall wizard smiled, his eyes lighting up again. "Well, Sirius, I think you will like it at Hogwarts very much," he said warmly before lifting his wand and removing the privacy charm on the room.

The boy nodded, wanting to believe the kind wizard's words as his family's came back to haunt him. Hogwarts? It's a disgrace! He had better be in Slytherin-

"I see you two are finished. Will you be requiring to speak to me and my wife?" Orion asked in a deep voice as he stood in the doorway. The tall man wore all black robes, his dark eyes flitting between his son and the headmaster for an indication as to how the meeting had gone. Sirius stiffened under the speculative gaze, hoping his tie would be overlooked.

"No, thank you. I must be on my way."

Sirius was surprised to notice his father shy back ever so slightly when the older wizard moved past him to leave. He must be a very strong wizard, he thought. He had never seen his father move away from anyone.

Sirius sat back down on the couch, fixing his tie and then picking up the empty box of treats he had just shared and placed it in his pocket quickly.

"And just what do you think you are doing?"

Sirius stood up immediately. "Going to my rooms to change for dinner, Father," he said politely before walking out of the room and up the stairs. As he walked he pulled out the box once out of view and flipped it over to read the back. Try our other products! Blood pops. Enchanted chocolate frogs. Animal Zingers. Fizzing Whizbees. Candy Floss. The wizard smiled.

He had never been to a candy shop before, because his parents refused to take him to Diagon Alley, ordering his clothes by owl instead. He had been to Knockturn Alley, but it was definitely suffering from anything as enjoyable and decidedly unpoisonous as candy. The only sweets he had received were from his older cousins, and he had a feeling they were somewhat picked over. He wondered if he would have the chance to go to one once he started school. He walked past the paintings, for once not noticing the looks of disapproval he garnered as he read about a store called Honeydukes.

"My father is taking me to Knockturn Alley this weekend with him. Care to join us?" Andromeda, Sirius's older cousin by three years asked as she walked around his room, nosily picking through his things. They didn't normally spend time together, seeing as how she was a teenage girl, but for some reason she had decided to spend her evening up in his room for a change while her family visited. Not that Sirius minded, she was by far the most agreeable out of his cousins in his opinion.

"No, not really. Those stores are creepy," Sirius answered offhandedly as he lay on his bed and stared up at the blank ceiling. I wonder if I'd be allowed to decorate my walls?

"Of course they are. That's the appeal of them, I suppose. I just really don't want to go by myself and be stuck sitting alone when Father runs into an acquaintance from work." Andromeda pulled open a sock drawer, grunting in disapproval when she only found foot apparel and shut it back. She moved to the wizard's nightstand.

Sirius pushed himself off his king-sized bed and landed with a loud thud onto the dark hardwood floor that ran the expanse of his room. "Why don't you ask Bella or Cissy to go with you?"

"You're lucky I cast a sound-muting charm in here." The witch gave Sirius a warning look before turning away to go through his bedside drawer. "We haven't been getting along exactly."

The boy frowned slightly at the private knowledge that he would never have jumped if the spell hadn't been cast, unbeknownst to the witch. He moved over to the large wooden wardobe and shrugged off his shirt, pulling on a fresh one and grabbing another tie with regret.

"Where did you get this?"

Sirius glanced up, a guilty feeling hitting him abruptly as he looked at the empty box of treats Dumbledore had given him in his cousin's hand. He had forgotten that he had put the container in the drawer, or he would have moved it when she'd first started snooping.

The wizard walked over to grab the box, but the witch held out a hand, pushing him back. "I know you haven't been to Diagon Alley yet, and you most definitely haven't been to Hogsmeade. So where did you get it?"

Sirius reached for the box again only to receive a wand to the chest. "Tell me."

He glared down at his older, but shorter cousin, wishing he already had access to his own wand though he wouldn't have known how to use it. "It was a gift and I'd like it back now, thank you," he said in a clipped voice, sounding too much like his father for his own comfort.

Andromeda studied her cousin before handing it to him. "I didn't mean to upset you. I just felt a surge of unusual magic from it when I picked it up and was curious," she explained.

Sirius put the box safely in his pocket. "Headmaster Dumbledore gave it to me."

"You've met Dumbledore?" the witch asked, her eyebrows raising.

"Yes. For the school interview," Sirius said shortly.

"Interview? Sirius, you had an interview?" Andromeda's eyes began to study Sirius like she was searching for something she didn't want to actually find.

Sirius bristled under the unpleasant gaze. "Yes, what about it? Didn't you have one, too?"

The witch shook her head slowly. "No, Sirius. You see... Only dark-magic wizards are given interviews."

Sirius felt as if ice had begun to creep into his veins. "What? I'm. I'm not... You're lying."

The witch took a step forward. "I wouldn't. I didn't have one, an interview, but Bella did and so did Cissy."

Sirius looked down, not wanting to see the look of sympathy plastered on his cousin's face. His parents had been pleased. They want me to be a dark wizard? Is that what they've been teaching me? No, she must be wrong. Sirius didn't feel dark. At least he didn't think so.

"What does that mean exactly? Dark wizard? I haven't used my magic much yet except for some accidental," Sirius said, hoping she would say she had been mistaken then and take it back. He had read about dark and light magic in their library and didn't see how a dark-wizard could be a good thing.

"It's more so about your magical make-up. You can usually tell by a wizard's or witch's aura," she paused and looked curiously at the boy again. "That's the... feeling you exude from your magical core, and some wizards can sense it better than others. A core has dark and light in it. Some wizards are an even balance, but there are others who have more of one than the other. A dark wizard tends to have much more dark magic in them from the start, and as they mature it's known to increase until it takes over almost all, or in some rare cases, the entire core. The same happens with light-wizards," she said the last part softly.

The words assaulted Sirius, attacking him viciously. Cores? Aurus? Light and dark? Takes over? A sick feeling began to grow in his stomach. "That's, that's complete rubbish, Andromeda. Get out of my room. Now."

"It's not. I'm sorry, Sirius. I didn't mean to upset you, and I didn't mean to judge you. I was just, just surprised is all. Both my and your parents are dark wizards, my sisters too, and so are all the Malfoys. It's actually quite preferred amongst-"

"I said get out, you stupid bint!" Sirius roared, not wanting to hear her anymore, the furniture and contents of his room suddenly rattling with his words as his anger surged to life. Andromeda looked nervously around the room and then nodded, and he watched through a red-haze as she walked out quickly.

Sirius turned sharply to the mirror in his room that hung over the wizard's long dresser and began to fix his tie. She's wrong. Mother and Father would have told me about something like that. And Dumbledore was so...so nice to me, he insisted as the box weighed heavily in his pocket. He thought about the headmaster's twinkling eyes. That was his aura. He's a light-magic wizard.

He flattened his tie and leaned forward, looking into his own grey eyes apprehensively. There he saw a reflection of the coldness that his mother and father had in theirs with just the slightest bit of the light he had seen in the headmaster's coming from them. Sometimes it takes over completely, his cousin's words echoed in his mind. He closed his eyes tightly and pictured the headmaster's warm gaze once more and imagined his own mimicking them. He opened them slowly and looked closely, finding the same grey eyes peering back at him. It's not true. Dark and light, it doesn't make a difference. I'm a pureblood and that's all that matters, he insisted to himself.

Sirius turned away from the mirror and walked out of the room, making his way down to the party being thrown in his honor, the Black heir, for his first year at school, and therefore Slytherin house, which commenced after the weekend was through.

First Year

"Come now, Sirius, we mustn't stop, or you might miss the train. Train. I can't believe they're using a muggle-form of transportation. It's a disgrace," his mother muttered under her breath as they neared the wall separating the ninth and tenth station. Kreacher walked along behind them, levitating Sirius's luggage, under a disillusionment charm as they passed through the wall and entered the magical train station of Nine and Three Quarters. Sirius thinking it felt similar to walking through the wards of his family's home, and he didn't know if the familiarity comforted or disconcerted him. Was I expecting something different? Why would I want anything else?

Sirius pushed away the unsure musings as he looked around the busy platform and began to notice he was more dressed up than a lot of the other wizards preparing to board. There were kids in robes already dressed for school, a minority of them had on clothes like him but they were of much lesser quality, but they hadn't caught the wizard's gaze. No, he was noticing that a large majority of the students were in casual slacks or a bluish colored slack he had never seen before. And they were wearing shirts without buttons and there were pictures on them.

He studied a dark-haired wizard with glasses closely who had a short-sleeved shirt with a dragon on it and the words Dragon Tamers Get All The Birds written on it. Sirius quirked a smile that slowly turned into a self-conscious frown. He peered down at his own black suit, biting his lip nervously.

"Don't look like that. It's disgusting," his mother snapped, stopping as they stood by one of the entrances to the train. "Hold your head up and be proud. You are a Black. We are of the sacred twenty-eight." Sirius looked away, noticing that people had started to glance his way curiously. "Look at me. You are the heir to the Black fortune. You cannot afford the luxury of mistakes, Sirius. Toujours pur. Live it."

Sirius nodded, anxiety welling in his chest. He moved to give his mother the customary hug, hoping she would let him hang on slightly longer since he would be away until Christmas time.

"No."

Sirius stopped.

"You are not a child anymore, Sirius. There is no need for such nonsense. Now, go. I will pick you up for Christmas."

Sirius nodded slowly. "Yes, Mother. Goodbye," he said quietly, his calm voice belying the sadness settling in his chest. He swallowed and pushed the feelings away. "Come along, Kreacher," he said darkly, turning from his mother, and boarding the train.

He walked silently down the busy train hallway behind the house elf, who was mumbling to himself rather loudly about the occupants of each compartment they passed, garnering glances from the witches and wizards around them. Sirius put on his haughtiest look as he felt their looks darkening.

"Unpure. Unpure. Unpure. Hmmm. Pure, but.." Kreacher stood in front of a compartment, humming to himself in thought.

"Well, what are you waiting for, you miserable thing, go in already!" Sirius growled, not able to ignore the looks any longer.

The old house elf stood quietly, looking unsure as to whether he needed listen to the young heir.

"Your instructions were for me to be put in a room with only pure-blooded wizards. Nothing more. Now, in," he hissed quietly.

The house elf glared at him before opening the door with a wave of his hand and entering, Sirius's large black trunk floating in ahead of him.

"Hello. You're not a wizard."

Sirius walked in, his eyes glazing over the dragon-shirted boy he had seen on the platform as he attempted to rid himself of the evil house elf.

"Right up there, thank you, you vile Kreacher," he said, holding back a smile as he made a play on the elf's name.

The messy-haired boy frowned but didn't say anything.

"Anything else, Master Black?" Kreacher asked, bowing sarcastically at the young wizard.

Sirius lifted a hand, waving the sadistic elf away from him in disgust.

Kreacher turned, shot the other occupant a wary look, and walked out of the room, muttering to himself.

"Right. That was weird," the messy-haired wizard mumbled to himself before clearing his throat and smiling across at the new occupant. "Hello, I'm James Potter." The wizard offered a friendly hand, but Sirius merely stared at it before looking out the window.

The wizard cleared his throat again. "It's my first year. What about you? You look like a first year. So, you're a Black, eh? My mother is a Black. Do you want to be friends?"

Sirius looked back over, lifting an eyebrow slowly as he studied the first wizard his age outside his family and their select circle of friends he had ever met. The rather talkative boy was lanky, tall but not as tall as Sirius, had a mischievous grin, lively hazel eyes and wore round glasses. The Black heir's gaze flicked back up to the wizard's eyes, sharpening to find an abundance of the light magic his cousin Adromeda had told him he lacked, exuding warmly from them. He felt a pang from some unusual emotion clenching at his chest tightly. Jealousy.

"I'm not a Black. I am the Black heir. And, No. I don't like you at all."

He turned away from the wizard, who looked like 'Gryffindor fodder' if he had to take a guess from the descriptions of the four houses, and stared out the window.

He would do well to stay far away from the likes of James Potter.

For those of you thinking... what the fuck?! (haha): This story is now solely on Archive Of Our Own, AO3, as it exceeds the MA rating on FF. If you'd like to read it, check it out over there where my penname is still adVENTitiious, same story title. Thanks guys!