Warnigns: Violence, mentioning of child abuse, cursing and quite a lot of sorry

authors note: Hi i wanted to apologise for the slow update time! (so so sorry) I have had a lot of tests coming up, and i've been visiting a con, also reloading for the upcoming one! But i'm so glad for all the wonderful reviews (3) i've gotten, it always worms a geeks heart! So thank you so much! and i hope i won't disappoint you! and feel free to contact me about anything!

"Ikebukuro, a town of mysteries and tails, where shadows hides among shadows... Where heroes saves the day from evil..."

The night covered the two forms, one much smaller than the other, the sky was lit up by stars and the moon showed its pale round belly. It was a perfect night for a young boy to let his mind wander, we're young boys minds wasn't supposed to go.

"There's no such thing as heroes." The young boy answered, big ruby eyes gazing out over the town.

"Oh my! Never stop believing in heroes! Who will come and save thy fair lady?" The young man smiled, his hair so blond that it looked purple in the moonlight, his vicious grey eyes snake like, shifting violet. He was tall, slender muscles hidden away underneath a black thin coat.

"I don't need to be saved." The young boy muttered, his eyes sharp while his voice was childlike and light." And I'm not a fair lady."

"Hm? If you're not in need of saving, and if you're not a fair lady... What good am I to you?" The man with silver hair asked, his voice was full and warm, but the boy didn't answer this time." Fine, if heroes don't exist, then who's supposed to save the world?"

"No one, it's up to every one alone to save themselves, it's evolution, the strongest one survives, in the end you can't trust anyone but yourself." The boys eyes didn't faultier, his voice had grown emotionless. Even if he held the features of a child his eyes looked much older, forced to grow up and learn how unfair and scary life could be.

"Neh? That's pretty dark Izaya!" The man said with a girly voice, messing up the younger boys hair.

"Hey! Stop that!"

"You can't stop perfection!"

"Really funny Hisame!" Izaya muttered as irritated as his young voice could muster, even if a small smile escaped his lips looking up at the young man with a sort of admiration only a child could give.

"Oh, I like to think so! Remember Izaya, always smile towards your enemies, nothing annoys them more." Hisame said with a wink, a knowing spark in the edges of his eyes when answering the child's admiration. Earning Izaya's fondness and trust had been a hard task, months and months of planning, he couldn't blame the child after all, considering the father, and now when he had him, it felt just that much sweeter. Izaya was his.

"It was a long time ago since I last saw you! Are you eating enough? You look to be a bit on the thin side." He pushed the young boy teasingly with his elbow, earning a half hearted frown.

"Yea, yea..."

"And you are staying away from trouble I presume?"

"You know I can't promise that." Izaya joked, while something harsh fell over the young mans eyes, long fingers stroking away the raven hair, revealing an angry bruise blooming on his forehead.

"Who did this?" Hisames voice was strained, his eyes springs.

Izaya sighed." No one... I was just careless."

"Was it one of Tikis men? Someone from the south district?"

"What? No... I just got caught listening to some stupid guys, no biggy... Noting i haven't gotten before..." The boy said, eyes darting towards the ground underneath them.

"Tell me who, I'm going to make them pay 10 times over, no one will dare lay a finger on you."

" I can take care of myself."

"You know that I don't like it when you get bruises, you are flawless without them."

Izaya stiffened."Don't say that."

"It's true." The young man said, his voice growing cold but the boy didn't answer, his eyes locked on the people underneath them, like small ants on the sidewalks.

"Just, don't get caught again, you are better than that, I trained you better."

"It's not as easy when they have guns, you never let me use a gun." Hisame looked at the young boy for a while, the bruise in fair contrast to his pale skin, a bruise like that... He must have been in hand to hand combat. Someone's hands formed to fists, punching his Izaya.

"Why would you need a gun?"

"I wouldn't need to be able to run as fast, or dodge as quick... Less bruises." Izaya tried, smiling.

A gun meant killing... A gun in Izaya's hands... It wouldn't end well, someone would end up dead but that same someone hurting Izaya again... Maybe it was good setting an example to those who dared to touch what belonged to him, and if Izaya shot someone it would mean that he would come running back to Hisame for help and safety. He would be his forever."Then I'll get you one."

"For real?!"

"Everything for my fair lady."

"I told you not to call me that Hisame..."

"And I told you not to bruise your perfect skin." Hisame murmured, ignoring the small shiver that ran thru the boy... It didn't matter, the boy was his, just his. He wouldn't let anyone take Izaya from him, not anyone.

The small room bathed in silver, and no sound escaped into the room. Such a long time ago, memories stacked away and burned, now racing from the ashes one by one. I closed my eyes, ignoring pictures that should have been kept burned, but I had shown it all, every broken picture, until a map of secrets had been planned out. Everything I'd tried to forget for so long... Put on display for everyone to see. Machines buzzed, doing god knows what. Without second hesitation I threw the covers off, I hadn't moved much since the 'accident' all things considered, but I had tried going for a small walk this morning with Shinra yelling after me, shizu-chan had just frowned but hadn't dared to comment. I forced my legs over the bed, I was pumped up with morphine and my head was light, but I could still feel a sting of pain every time I moved. I held a steady grip around the IV when I forced myself to stand up. Shinra had given me a pair of black sweat pants and a plain black cotton T-shirt with a V-neck, that I suspected far too much being Celtys. I used the IV as support, rolling it beside me, when I walked out the door, down the hall and out thru the front door. No one there to stop me. Not this time.

It was cold outside, a crisp in the air. I rested my back against the wall behind me, the normally busy street was empty, and I knew it wasn't a coincidence, he knew, he was here. I looked up at the sky above, the only thing that hadn't changed completely during my life. I had hurt, loved and then hurt again. I had found my self a routine in being chased by Shizuo, being able to face my sisters... Tried for as much as a normal life I could get, that I knew she would have wanted for me, even if the cracks ran too deep for the picture to hold. I was damaged goods so to speak. I sighed, taking in the night around me, playing her song over and over inside my mind. It was easier now, her voice not only covered by death, but by her life as well, I found myself taking comfort in the tones. So much guilt, I still blamed myself, how couldn't I? But It was time I stopped running and faced my fears. For her sake, always, after all this time I was still caught on that roof with her, my soul would always be in her hands. I knew what i had to do. My legs felt weak, and I took one last breath, no turning back, no more running, everything in my life, every word ever spoken, every step had brought me here.

"Hisame." My voice was low and rusty but I knew he would hear me, he would always hear me. A man, more lingered then walked out from the shadows, a wide grin playing on his lips, his eyes sparkled dangerously.

"Izaya." He welcomed with open arms."Long time no see, old friend."

You can do this, you can do this, you can do this, I took a steadier grip around the IV my nails digging in almost drawing blood, knuckles white. I licked my lips, smiling. " Maybe for me, but I don't think you ever stopped watching Hisame." He looked exactly like he did all those years ago, except that now his hair fell heavy down his back, his grey, violet eyes small and cold.

"Ohhh! All those years without hearing your voice!" He chuckled." I almost miss your voice as a child! So light and innocent! But just hearing you... Say... my name... After all those years." He walked closer, steps light and dangerous, he stopped an arm length away, his black coat curling around his feet." Such beauty." He reached a hand forward, almost touching my forehead before letting it drop. " Are you not happy to see me after all this time Izaya? You call I'll listen remember?"

I realised that I had been staring out over nothing, memories playing over and over in my mind. This wasn't right I wasn't ready, I would never be ready... I smirked."And why would you say such a thing Hisa-Chan?"

He laughed fondly, he was still taller than me, his body slender, bent forward so he could look me In the eye, silver hair framing his face."Maybe because you're shaking?" He whispered.

It felt like a small electric shock traveled down my spine and I forced myself to relax... I would never be ready for this, never, I could live hundreds of lives and never be ready. I wasn't a child anymore, I wasn't the scared, lost kid in need of a father. I laughed, scared over how much it sounded like his. No, you're nothing like him. Blood, chains, small legs kicking in the air, trying to break free, 'I'm going to kill her, I'm going to skin her~ do you know what they used to do with witches? Burn them.' ."Stop."

"Oh? Stop what Iza-chan?"

"Don't call me that!" No. I-I Can't. Please make it stop Amaya... Please.

His eyes went wide, before a knowing smile spread across his face, like a scar." Oh? Right... That's what she called you... Oh don't tell me? Don't tell me that you're still upset over that?"

No... Don't, please don't go there, don't, I can't... Everything so far had been about her, I couldn't break here, I couldn't. I remembered what Shizuo had asked 'Who. Are. You. Protecting?!', I looked up at the sky above, what would you think of all this? What would you have me do? I had been running my whole life, from my family, from people trying to hurt me, from him from you. It was about time I stopped and faced my past. It felt like I was standing in front of a huge door, memories, people, everything I had been running from locked up inside, and I was chained there, forced to open it when the weight on the other side became too much. I could either unlocked the door and walk thru it, with her song following me, or I could let it crack and crumble, being buried in its ruins, and Hisame was going to be the one I met on the other side, he was the devil to my hell, my father had been cruel, gangs running after a small child, but Hisame? Hisame would put my father to shame. I smirked, forcing myself into the role I had been playing all these years, just pretend his Shizuo. I tilted my head." During some time, I can't deny it, but sentimentality is a weakness, we don't need people dragging us down, I know you just did it for my sake. I know better now. Thank you for saving me... Hisame." Blood trailed down my fists from where my nails had pierced the skin.

"Oh, Izaya." He said, in one motion embracing me in his arms, my head resting on his shoulder." As I've longed to hear you say that, I've waited, all these years I thought that witch had poisoned your mind forever."

I ignored the stretching pain in my wounds, the IV almost tripping over, I had only him to lean on. I fought back the burning in my eyes, my blood boiling, but I didn't return his hug, I couldn't make myself do it, I felt naked without my switch blade, every instinct in my body screamed for me to push away but I let myself stay there, until he slowly let go. His hands firm on my shoulders and our body's still touching, his vicious eyes loving. "What is this?" He muttered, his cold hand stroking away some brands of hair. "You know what I think when you get bruises like this..."

"I remember." To well.

"Who did this?" His voice was almost threatening, like it had been back then when he had started to show his real colours. Strong hands keeping me down, 'I'm going to kill her, I'm going to free you from her, you let yourself become mortal! Trusting on others! We don't need them!'.

"I think you know." My voice stiff, he was an informer, the best, he knew things no one should.

" Sakurai Erai, he fought his way into our criminal network."

" Amaya's father."

"I'm aware." He smiled, a smile i had taken as mine a long time ago." So, what would you have us do? Are we going to send the spider after him?"

"Never do a job half done, neh? remember?"

"Ah, yes, I almost forgot that you are an informant your self now, and a good one at that! You have grown so big, even more beautiful than I could ever dream to imagine! I've missed you Izaya, but I'm glad you followed in my footsteps..." He looked like a father did, complimenting his child's achievements, before his eyes grew cold and dangerous." The bartender, he that saved you...Who is he?"

"No one, a necessary factor in my plan, a pawn easily used and disposed of."

"So... Not a friend?"

"People like us can't have friends."

"Good, I'm all you will ever need, remember what happened last time you decided to play house?" His fingertips stroked the red lines Erais knife had left." I'm going to make that old man pay for damaging what belongs to me..."

"Humans will do what they think is justice, no matter the cost, if they believe it's right." And so will I.

"I see that you still are the young boy after all these years, I was so scared that you were lost. The same darkness. But you have grown, you are no longer a child." His nails burning into my skin.

"But I'm here now."

"Yes, and I'll never let you go again, not to anyone." He backed off, smiling widely, and I almost fell forward without anything keeping me up.

"I can't wait to see you again, I'm so glad I managed to save you." He whispered, his eyes blank and his voice shaky. He reached out a hand, stroking my cheek with the back of his palm. Trailing down my neck and chest, down my hips and back up again, giving a smirk when they stayed above the V-neck. "All mine."

I felt sick ."So am I." He gave me one last longing look before he took a step further away.

"And Izaya? When are you going to let go of that shield of yours? You know that you don't have to smile for me, I'm not the enemy. I'm the only one that will ever understand you, never forget."

I let my smile drop, relaxing my shoulders and the childlike spark disappeared.

" You know I've always loved you like this... Hating the world." He shivered." Don't ever leave me again, because next time, I may not let you go."

"Wouldn't dream of it." He chuckled, turning to leave.

" I don't like that bartender, don't repeat the past Izaya, remember, things like us don't do well with people."

"So I've learned."

"One last thing." Silver trapped in the moonlight, I caught it between my fingers, a bullet, the initials S.A unscripted with curly leathers.

"Sakurai Amaya, let this be a reminder of what happens when things like us decides to make bonds... But I guess you have a matching one your self now... I've kept it all these years..."

I stared down on the bullet now laying flat on my palm. The same bullet that I failed to kill Hisame with, my life's greatest failure... In form of a bullet... Everything that's haunted me all these years. This was all I was left with...S.A... Sakurai Amaya. My heart almost jumped out of my chest, It was a warning. My hands were shaking, blood colouring it from were my nails had pierced the skin, I felt my eyes go wide.

"Don't miss next time."

This was everything I had left. This was my curse... This was his way of punishing me. His reminder, it was cruel... Sick. I looked up, he was gone. Everything that had kept me up broke.

I fell down to my knees, emptying the little I had in my stomach on the ground before me. I felt sick to my stomach, I couldn't move, instead I kept hurling, trying to force air down my lungs. I felt impure. My shoulders shaking. I held the bullet firm in my left hand. The door had been opened, and I would never be able to close it again. " I'm sorry Amaya... I'm sorry." I whispered into the night, my words falling on deaf ears. I ignored the pain, how it felt like my world had been ripped to pieces, right in front of me all over but I didn't have afford to break, not now... I couldn't... My movie wouldn't end just yet, I had one last chapter left to write, the ending, and I would go down with a bang, and take everything with me.

Hi, so thank you for reading untill the end, i promise that i will start updating regularly again! Im planning on giving this story proper ending, and iw ill continue with it untill i have it 100% done, and fear not, (or do ;3) i have the ending planed already! So thanks again everyone that have stayed with me, and please leave a review on your way out and let me know what you think!